tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post4012379072628380605..comments2023-10-30T00:51:36.361-11:00Comments on Diary of a Desperate Exmoor Woman: Crime and PunishmentExmoorjanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09230395732150659356noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-54341455149621933512009-05-27T00:30:34.382-11:002009-05-27T00:30:34.382-11:00Life can be tough on kids. Don't get me started o...Life can be tough on kids. Don't get me started on the school system - they want everything their way and they really don't do a very good job and they'll often listen to the 'golden child' who is often a real rat. We've bucked the system as much as possible and the result is a fairly well balanced child that is showing independence (not following the mob) and responsibility. Well, so far!Annette Piperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14798167381076660096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-26178224852330041062009-05-25T11:22:16.624-11:002009-05-25T11:22:16.624-11:00I ordered one of your books, Spirit of the Home, f...I ordered one of your books, Spirit of the Home, from Amazon yesterday. I can't wait to read it!Cathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01947681055574897580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-60310104808246493672009-05-25T01:12:38.901-11:002009-05-25T01:12:38.901-11:00Difficult to get to the heart of the matter withou...Difficult to get to the heart of the matter without knowing the full picture. For one person minor name calling is nothing, for another it's huge, depending on all sorts of things. But life isn't fair and you were right to respect the other parents' way of dealing with it while comforting your own boy. I pity the poor head, though, having to deal with this kind of stuff on probably a daily basis.maddiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03479893496291590397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-4994121073240134242009-05-24T06:30:38.756-11:002009-05-24T06:30:38.756-11:00At the risk of being totally at odds with everyone...At the risk of being totally at odds with everyone else I think from experience that there is a **still**, in spite of anti bullying policies being compulsory in schools, a "you just don't tell" culture amongst school children. When people have been unpleasant to my daughter she **does not** want to tell me who or have me complain or do anything about it ... because it will just get worse if I do. She has been systematically undermined and belittled by her form (quote when she tries to join a conversation "shut up M.. no one likes you" and "don't talk to her she's weird" being a routine part of her school experience). This child braved the scorn of his peers to tell his mum that something upsetting happened at school. That she might have over reacted and could have found a quieter way to help him deal with it is another matter, but I for one think it is a good thing that he felt he could trust her to help him when he felt upset.<br />best wishes<br />Martinemartinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14260048849955077472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-70182963642520752912009-05-24T05:47:56.222-11:002009-05-24T05:47:56.222-11:00Sort of like political correctness writ small.Sort of like political correctness writ small.ArtSparkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04875996639432864367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-52792423793852760552009-05-24T02:07:31.031-11:002009-05-24T02:07:31.031-11:00Poor James - and poor you - it's so difficult to k...Poor James - and poor you - it's so difficult to know what's the best thing in these kinds of situations. While name calling is a fact of life in many school playgrounds, it's true, children do respond differently. Some seem to be able to shrug it off, whilst others take things much more to heart. And what seems like something quite innocuous to an adult can have different implications to a child. 'Ganging up' is certainly something to be discouraged (if indeed that's what it was), but it might have been more constructive if the other parent had spoken to you to discuss what might be the most appropriate response. Hopefully, there's a lesson to be learned here, but it's not at all clear to me - or to James, by the sound of it - what that lesson is. a punishment won't work if the person who's being punished doesn't understand why.LITTLE BROWN DOGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09752176955139690523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-8545751898957425822009-05-23T22:36:59.906-11:002009-05-23T22:36:59.906-11:00It strikes me there are two issues here. First, th...It strikes me there are two issues here. First, the name calling; second the behaviour of the other mother who disrupts not only her own son's arrangements but yours as well, without any consultation. You might have changed some important arrangements to accommodate this sleepover. I would find that rude and irritating. On the name calling - this does sound as if the young boy and his Mum is being a bit 'precious.' Maybe I am out of date but the playground in my day was always a jungle and you learned to cope (often tearfully) with minor incidents without blabbing.Fenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02377814681496294457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-74603249242259902552009-05-23T21:02:12.118-11:002009-05-23T21:02:12.118-11:00Awwww poor James. School is such a strange place....Awwww poor James. School is such a strange place. I never understood playground ettiquette at all, hope it all smoothes over soon.DJ Kirkbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08481107164497582398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-53190669574763703592009-05-23T12:01:28.701-11:002009-05-23T12:01:28.701-11:00I think Dave pie in mash and single parent Dad hav...I think Dave pie in mash and single parent Dad have got it right! When YD or ED were picked on in the usual way kids do I used to tell them to look the other kid straight in the eye the next time they started in on them, fold their arms, and say "ok, happy now? Yes? Good, let's get on with the game then" and it worked - the troublemaker was usually left without a word to say, the others laughed with O/ED and got on with the game. When, on occasions there were incidents of physical bullying I would go, with whichever of the girls was in trouble, to the parents of the perpetrator, and say "Hello, E/YD tells me that your X hit her while they were playing....[or whatever the action was]...I'm sure you'll agree with me that the road is for everyone to play on, nobody owns it". Presented with cool, logical comment it always brought the parent in on my side and even today fifteen/almost twenty years on both the girls say that they often meet one or two of the worst perpetrators who became friends with them after this. <br /><br />The golden rule I always gave the girls was "if you don't tell me the absolute truth about what happened and your part in it, then I cannot defend you". It worked!<br /><br />Poor James, that mother was way over the top, and I pity what her child will turn out like.Irish Eyeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14042737813267994620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-20663487346801322382009-05-23T06:20:31.002-11:002009-05-23T06:20:31.002-11:00Unfortunately what is the rough and tumble of ever...Unfortunately what is the rough and tumble of everyday playground life is fun for some kids, accepted by the majority as something you learn to put up with and torture for others.Norma Murrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12403421235388770309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-19786518528341129042009-05-23T03:39:24.908-11:002009-05-23T03:39:24.908-11:00Hi, I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog!Hi, I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog!Veronica Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14411581380408080378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-8052057122107283022009-05-22T11:34:02.186-11:002009-05-22T11:34:02.186-11:00Complain to the Head Teacher?
Sounds as though th...Complain to the Head Teacher?<br /><br />Sounds as though the parent's a tad over sensitive, she's not doing her son any favours.<br /><br />GGAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-73704736489649901752009-05-22T09:38:10.054-11:002009-05-22T09:38:10.054-11:00With regard to the kid being called a name, I thin...With regard to the kid being called a name, I think there is a bigger issue. as SPD points out, she listens to one side of the story and then reacts. Not only is that wrong, but what will she turn her son into if he thinks the way to deal with things is to cry-baby over being called a name and "Mummy" will clear up the mess? Can you imagine what he will be like as an adult? Plus, how long will it be before he manipulates situations and makes up accusations just so he can get the desired end result? <br />I see James' frustration here. You have mentioned in previous posts about a boy that seems to give him a hard time in school and he shrugs it off and refuses your intervention thus showing an understanding of the big picture beyond his years. It's a shame the other kid cannot show the same resilience rather than being a ninny. <br /><br />Milla's term "the Goat Mother" is funny. Sometimes labelling people can be a great leveller when dealing with them. Oh dear, look... I just revealed myself as a bully :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-44941437986959294252009-05-22T08:47:47.371-11:002009-05-22T08:47:47.371-11:00I am dreading all this when my 3yo goes to school!...I am dreading all this when my 3yo goes to school! All my friends agree it is hard to know when to intervene. It sounds like the incident in James may have been blown out of proportion a bit. Do you think you will get to speak to the other mum about it? You will have to let us know what happens...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10754562741952800845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-17249155503264957092009-05-22T08:27:01.206-11:002009-05-22T08:27:01.206-11:00Laura: yes, that's my hope....
Faith: no, it wa...Laura: yes, that's my hope.... <br /><br />Faith: no, it wasn't kind and really I don't remotely understand why it happened. yes, he IS realising about consequences, which is good.<br /><br />Yummy: Love it - 666! Know a few of those...<br /><br />Edward: I think we pretty much agree actually.<br /><br />SPD: I just wonder if things are different now and whether that is good or bad?<br /><br />Milla: love that you can rant on my blog - you go for it, girl! <br /><br />Rob-bear: yes, totally against bullying..... and utterly agree on the longlasting effects.<br /><br />Muddy: weird, isn't it, how children seem hard-wired to be cruel in some ways? Thanks so much for your comment.<br /><br />Phidelm: Yes, think you're right - 3:1 not good. Shall point that out to James as hugely valid. I pondered about posting this and do have my own doubts - but hoped it might provoke a debate, which it clearly has......<br /><br />Tattie: sometimes I loathe being grown-up!!<br /><br />Frances: good point - this kind of jostling not just confined to the playground....do we ever really grow up?? The truth is very tricky to pin down.<br /><br />ED: lovely to hear from you. Think it must be a nightmare being a teacher - the parents must be ghastly!! <br /><br />Mags: we must be relatives!! - I was a Williams too - though not exactly unusual in Wales.... ;)<br /><br />Claire: horrid, isn't it? I was bullied too and so am horribly sensitive about it. Seems the child was revelling in it today - that the boys had forfeited their sleepover.... <br /><br />Calico Kate: yup, me too (see above)....he's sad and a bit blue but will get over it. Maybe a good lesson.....<br /><br />Ivy: under normal circs, james would feel as if he needed to protect the other boy but he's so hacked off I don't know how he feels...certainly not benevolent! <br /><br />Mum gone mad: yes, i'm with you on this.... I too try to stay well out of it as - quite right - things tend to settle of their own accord.Exmoorjanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09230395732150659356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-9102835956332164892009-05-22T06:43:10.718-11:002009-05-22T06:43:10.718-11:00I tend to keep out of playground squabbles as much...I tend to keep out of playground squabbles as much as possible, because as we all know five minutes later they are all best buddies and it's forgotten. Of course if my child was causing real distress I would intervene (and have). We did have a problem when oldest girl was in year three, which I did duly ignore for many weeks... however the little darling in question who was torturing my girl would not leave it alone so I then went to the teacher. It was all sorted thank goodness, but back to my point (now where did I put it?) if we intervene for every small transgression they never learn to deal with things on their own and then we're doing them no favours.By the way, poor James, luv Karen xMum Gone Madhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06668267044033019603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-12393733282317858122009-05-22T06:31:58.020-11:002009-05-22T06:31:58.020-11:00Well did the boy's mother call you too to complain...Well did the boy's mother call you too to complain about James's behaviour? Probably not. Maybe the smaller boy was victim of mobbing in the past and his mum got over sensitive or it's got something to do with her own past? For James it's sad but I suppose it's not his last chance to arrange a sleepover with Ben and maybe your little aspiring MI6 agent should have a closer look at the boy in question maybe he needs the protection of 008?Ivyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12304906179807218201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-54846089121988799812009-05-22T06:04:29.255-11:002009-05-22T06:04:29.255-11:00Such a difficulat one to comment on Jane as I have...Such a difficulat one to comment on Jane as I have little experience of mothers - except my own!<br />However was bullied at school (by a teacher in my middle school and a pair of girls in my senior school) and it certainly has had an impact on my life. But that was serious stuff not the name calling that this sounds like.<br />"Sticks & stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" was my parents instruction to shout back when anything nasty/silly/unfair whatever was said.<br />Do feel sorry for James as this will hang on over the weekend I guess and niggle. Hope it doesn't blow up in to something nasty next week. <br />This has generated some great comments Jane.<br />CKxCalico Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11054839834452087857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-33907038393809436722009-05-22T04:36:07.014-11:002009-05-22T04:36:07.014-11:00I worry so much about Jamie being bullied because ...I worry so much about Jamie being bullied because of his odd autistic ways. But there is a big diffrence between playground noncense and bullying. I was badly bullied, still have the scars (mentally). I doubt the child in question could even remember what had happened the next day!claire phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16313963622279623204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-23573325863184749902009-05-22T04:31:47.326-11:002009-05-22T04:31:47.326-11:00Commiserations to James. It's awful to be wrongly ...Commiserations to James. It's awful to be wrongly accused and/or over-punished. I can't add much to the other comments above, but the punishment does seem to have been excessive. That's the trouble with bullying, what seems innocuous to one is bullying to another. It's tough for adults to know where the dividing line is, let alone kids.<br />PS: I was a "willy" too (Williams) and a "spotty" (freckles).Maggie Christiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047691937064748860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-16349223095119588382009-05-22T03:38:45.448-11:002009-05-22T03:38:45.448-11:00Poor you, and poor James too. Othermother sounds a...Poor you, and poor James too. Othermother sounds as though she has gone a bit too far on the overprotection road. Life is a hard lesson.<br />I remember that as a teacher I always found children much nicer than parents.Elizabethdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02405703727112759947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-85754164484016281942009-05-22T03:13:16.711-11:002009-05-22T03:13:16.711-11:00Jane, as you know, I don't have children, but I do...Jane, as you know, I don't have children, but I do manage a shop staffed with adults.<br /><br />Somethings do not change as some folks grow older. A regular part of my day is keeping an eye out for "playground" situations. Not everyone tells the truth about his/her role in various situations.<br /><br />It is not always easy knowing when to take action, when to let it pass, whom to believe.<br /><br />Life is definitely not fair. Not everyone has the same generosity of spirit, or understanding of others. I guess that each of us finds a way, as we age to cope with those truths.<br /><br />xoFranceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08352407314710067616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-51761471913878856682009-05-22T03:01:05.388-11:002009-05-22T03:01:05.388-11:00I HATE having to be understanding of other people'...I HATE having to be understanding of other people's parents and the things they do...and I'm 43!Tattieweaslehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10723634612274763884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-18586243384729706272009-05-22T02:33:34.009-11:002009-05-22T02:33:34.009-11:00Whoops! Deleted first comment due to error of fact...Whoops! Deleted first comment due to error of fact (mine). <br />Big age differentials at that stage in life, and J + B + A N Other being accused of picking on younger boy (allegedly) would mean 3 squared v. 1, in effect - if true, but why make it up? <br />The one who I'd really like to know more about is the little boy whose name is used as a term of abuse: who/what/why? Might shed a little more light on this rather murky matter.<br />Other parties sound alarmingly heavy-handed, morally - v self-righteous (always suspicious!). <br />Is PC-ness making things worse? Questions posed have always been thorny, though ... you're brave and right to air them.Minniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17031126325323208656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4677133322409652783.post-23328179073290395542009-05-22T02:00:28.497-11:002009-05-22T02:00:28.497-11:00This comment has been removed by the author.Minniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17031126325323208656noreply@blogger.com