Thursday, 7 May 2009

er, I have a new book out - apparently



Was idly wandering around Amazon, as you do, when stumbled upon a book called The Smudging and Blessings Book, just published. Hmm, looks nice, I thought, wonder who wrote that. Umm, turns out I did. Well, that was a weird way to start the day. A little explanation maybe is called for here. Years ago I was asked to put together The Smudge Pack – a book based on Native American cleansing and space clearing. The pack included a book, a smudge stick (a bundle of herbs you light and waft around to cleanse yourself, other people and your home). There was also a candle, a crystal and maybe some essential oil (it was so long ago I forget). At the time my publisher swore it was going to ‘go stellar’ and make me a wodge of money. Sadly she was wrong. This was around the time she told me I was going to become a ‘brand’ and yup, still waiting for that to happen. But now it seems the US publisher has brushed it off and repackaged the book. Nice I suppose but kind of wish someone had told me. I know my life is out of control but this really is ridiculous.

Maybe it’s time to google myself and find out if I’ve written any other books lately.

Actually I really have written a new book – at least I have a fleeting memory of typing furiously for a few months – so pretty sure it’s happening. I don’t usually plug my work on this blog but these are tough times so needs must and this one is quite amusing. It’s called The Mind Body Spirit Miscellany and should be coming out some time in the next few months (earlier in the US than in the UK). It was a hoot to write as I had to dig out unusual, useful and downright bizarre stories, facts and self-help tips from the broad wide fields of natural health, mythology, psychology, symbolism, religion, esoterica and the supernatural.

A few of my favourites include:

· how to conduct a home séance
· how to master lucid dreaming
· how to locate ley lines
· ghosts in the Viking sagas
· essential oils that pests hate
· water spirits of the world
· the ghost hunter’s tool kit
· how to practice CaoDai
· how to make herbal cough drops

As you can see, it’s all vital stuff. Of course, if I’d been smart I’d have written The Miscellany of Getting By and Making Do but hey ho, those kinds of books are going to be ten a penny and at least with mine you can have some fun while the ship is sinking.
Some of it is actually pretty useful – in a sort of left-field way. Take onychomancy. Heard of that? No, thought not. It’s a form of divination – the art of reading symbols formed by the reflection of sunlight on the oiled fingernails of a child? Grab a nearby child and try it. Tongue analysis can be handy too. Bet you didn’t know that if the right-hand side of your partner’s tongue is pink with a flecked texture, this can indicate lying and unfaithfulness?

I haven’t looked at Adrian’s lately and can’t right now as he’s off in Dorset on a brewery visit, having stayed overnight in some smart hotel. Hey ho. Better cop a look when he gets back. So it was left to James to get me up this morning.

‘It’s 7am, mum. Are you getting up?’
Oh shit.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll let the dog out – he’s been howling for the last hour.’
He has?

I am such a lousy mother. In fact, let’s face it, I’m pretty hopeless all round. My child has to get me up. I don’t even know I’ve got a new book out. I don’t even have a clean house or a tidy garden. While other career women are sitting in meetings or holding serious conference calls, I’m hurtling round a rollercoaster at pucking DisneyWorld. The older I get, the more disorganised and out of control I feel. I keep waiting for someone or something to haul me out of my torpor and shake me hard.

OK, off to pull myself together and get a grip. I might be some time. In the meantime, you can see the books I know I’ve written over at my new ‘serious’ blog – Never Knowingly Overwhelmed. It’s kind of a work in progress so let me know what you think. And do tell me if you stumble over any other books I might have written…..
By the way, there's still time to enter into the draw for FREE LEGO DUPLO.....just ask nicely in the comments section of the post before this.......the draw will take place on Sunday.

30 comments:

DulwichDivorcee said...

Oooh, Jane, you have a new blog! Will be over straight away to check it out. Love the tongue analysis, btw - if TL ever gets close enough again, I shall be trying that one out xx

Pipany said...

Right, firstly I like prolific so blog away Jane - it's great.
Secondly, you are so not a bad mum. Perfect mums are ghastly and must be unemtionally attached to their kids to be so (does that make sense?). Someone who does all these things and writes books she doesn't know of is far more interesting for James surely? Just keep being you. More about the tongue thing I think - very intriguing xx

Exmoorjane said...

DD: The tongue stuff is fascinating. I could write a book about it (er, seems I already have!).

Pipany: aw, thank you so much. Never aspired to being a perfect mum, but a reasonably sensible one would be a start!

ChrisH said...

Berlimey! You are being a very busy bunny! So busy you have published books without knowing... gosh, wonder if I've got any? (Don't think I'll depress myself by looking). So yes, give the fingernails of a small child, my lover's tongue and a bunch of herbs to set fire to and I'll see if it works for me!

Mrs Jones said...

The dictum "A clean house is the sign of a wasted life" is all I need to know. There are more important and interesting things to be doing than tidying up.....

family affairs said...

I wonder if I've written any books I don't know about?? Must google myself immediately. What a bizarre position to be in....Lx

Mud in the City said...

There aren't any children nearby with fingernails I cna borrow. I'll try to find one on the tube tonight - sure they won't mind.

I can't say I've written any books I didn't know about, but friends of mine (twins, with quite unusual names) did discover they'd been making porn films they couldn't recall.

Phidelm said...

Wonderful! Let's hear it for the individual who's worked out her own priorities - rather than one of those superannuated would-be embodiments of Barbie whose life is a model of unthinking consumerism & conspicuous consumption (and who all look the same, anyway).
Sloth is good; rest is necessary.
Just off down the road to check les langues de Pierre et Manu. I may be some time.

Exmoorjane said...

Chris: go look, you just never know nowadays....

Mrs J: yup, that's my dictum and I'm sticking to it (well, literally in many cases, the grime is so thick).

FamilyAffairs: now how weird would it be if you had written unknown books, particularly being anonymous!

Mud: yup, any child will do - tube might be tricky though as no sunlight. Try a park. Love the porn star twins.

Phidelm: Do Pierre and Manu have particularly long tongues? Yup, sloth is great - just wish it paid the bills.

Frances said...

Congratulations to you on all fronts, Jane!

What an Amazonic surprise. Hoping that somehow some part of your publishers might just be sending you some sort of payment?

And the about to be published book sounds fun and informative. I will have to try to get my library to buy both of the books.

I forgot to ask in an earlier comment how young James has recovered from his football injury, though it sounds as if he fine.

Now...will have to go see your "serious" side.

xo

pinkfairygran said...

The smudging book looks good, but I have to ask you, as someone who has done it and is interested in things like crystal healing, ley lines, dowsing and so on.. do you practice what you write?
Your blog reads like letters I get from a certain friend, who is always in a rush, always forgetting things until the last minute, or until the last minute passed two days ago... and her letters have that same manic, breathless quality to them so that by the time you get to the end, you let out a huge sigh and relax....

claire p said...

Well they say you learn something new everyday! Must get Richard to poke his tounge out when he gets home! (yes I'm married to a short bloke called Richard, a theme forming methinks).

Rachel said...

Those other career women you mention.... I suspect lots of them will be sitting in meetings hoping that no one else can hear their IBS shouting at them through their office suits, wondering why they get cystitis when they drink lots of hot coffee in haste, and grab a moment to visit the loo at least twice a day....I could go on, but my former colleagues might recognise themselves. Torpor sounds just fine to me, and houses can wait for years to be cleaned, nicely insulated by dust and pet hairs. Off to explore your blogs further now; purposeful sloth.....

Exmoorjane said...

Frances: ah, some money would be nice but probably unlikely! James is fully recovered, thank you so much for asking. Thank you for visiting the other blog, all very new and very different from this!

PFG: thanks for commenting. I do try to practice what I write (though not all of it or I'd be even more headless chicken!). I love smudging and have done it for years but would say that this is very much an entry-level book so might be a bit simplistic for you.

Claire: would love to see the expression on poor Richard's face when he comes home!

Rachel: thank you, you make me feel much better about my sloth and torpor (don't you love the word torpor??)... Love your blog and that beautiful beautiful bad cat....brought a tear to my eye, that one did.

Pondside said...

Over here, just about every meeting I attend with First Nations participants includes smudging - sweet grass or sage, sometimes cedar.
I'll head over to have a look at your new blog - you must be writing in your sleep these days!
Please please don't ever turn into one of those power mums in expensive shoes and shiny houses managing households from a blackberry!

Maddie Grigg said...

Get yourself a slot on Woman's Hour. How I googled myself and found out I'd written a book.

Milla said...

Jane what DID you imbibe in Disney, I've never seen such a flurry of activity. Am so impressed (and a little bit scared) xx

Erica Douglas said...

*I* can't get the bloody Edinburgh Evening News to answer an email and you've got books published you didn't even know about! Some people have all the pucking talent :)

Off to check out the other blog immediately, I fear cynical Jane has moved home :)

Calico Kate said...

"onychomancy" And that's pronounced HOW????
I agree completely with Pipany's comment! Also feel that this is the real you coming back and not the Barbie doll version from the USA. Yee ha!
More pith and wit in another space? ->->-> off to see!
CKx

Exmoorjane said...

Pondside: that's really interesting about the smudging. Re being power mummy, I'd love the shoes and Blackberry but fear I'd let myself down by having my skirt caught in my knickers.

Maddie: how cool would that be?? Can you arrange it?

Milla: let me be honest, I'm scaring myself too.....

Erica: fear not, the DT aren't replying to my emails so you're not alone. Nah, never fear, Cynical Jane is here....

CalicoKate: ooh, thank you for looking. You mean you didn't like my Barbie look (hurt emoticon)??!

Fennie said...

So many blogs, so little time but glad you are back safely and getting used to life again without the ears.

Your new book sounds a great read. When is it out? I am still marveling at my kitchen drawers which Feng Shui stay shut for me if I concentrate hard on the flower pot that completes the corner, but not for J, who has to make do with a tissue wedge.

Quilting Cat said...

If Adrian is visiting a Brewery near Blandford and staying in their flagship hotel, he should not believe a word they tell him. He would be better of with Ringwood Bitter or a pint of Piddle. Of course, he may be in Bridport which is OK.

Exmoorjane said...

Fennie: Still got one ear hanging on there....not sure when the new book is out (how hopeless am I??) but will let you know. It has a bit of feng shui in it (notably the buildings with the worst feng shui in the world - the Dome is one!).

QC: I couldn't possibly comment!!

LittleBrownDog said...

Oooh, home-seance how-to book and how to locate ley-lines - sounds just up my street (except the thought of home seances gives me the heebie jeebies, since we live in the old village coffin makers house, so it might cause complaints from the neighbours to keep the noise down). Goodness - how did that happen? Perhaps you ought to publish a book entitled 'how to publish books without even trying'. Now that would be a bestseller...

Love your other blog, by the way, apart from the fact that all your recent activity makes me feel incredibly indolent.

xx

LadyLuz said...

Love the new blog and found myself wanting to go to all the places you mentioned and have a thorough MOT, mind, body and spirit.

If your output continues on such a high, I'll be torn which to read first.

You make an old gal very happy with your writing!

Cait O'Connor said...

New books, new blog. many deserved congratulations Jane. I shall try and get them in the library.
I have checked out your other site...very impressive.
Remember dull women have immaculate homes and there is no such thing as a perfect mother.

Fire Byrd said...

And have you written any books you don't know about??? did google tell you or are they keeping you guessing?
xx

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I'm going to have to buy the miscellany - I keep trying to master lucid dreaming and my dreams keep laughing at me...
Keep scribbling - you never know what you might come up with next that will make you a household name and a powerful brand.
;-)

Maternal Tales said...

Hilarious. I can not quite believe you just stumbled upon a book you wrote...I think I may even be a little jealous! Great post. Am off to check out your other books. BTW, what is CaoDai? Sounds very intruiging - I think I might even google it!!

Dave Pie-n-Mash said...

What a coincidence you wrote about an Indian ritual. I have an Indian friend (feathers not dots) that is trying to re-discover her roots. This will make a good gift so I will order a copy from amazon. This may stop her trying to scalp me when she visits.
What your sales rocket now! Is it a bit concerning that you didnt know it had been published? I hope you arent losing money.