Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Three in the bed

I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, not a wink. Consequently I’m in a seriously grumpy mood.
I mean, how dare all these people invade MY bed? Trouble is, over the summer, I’ve become used to sleeping solo and confess I absolutely love it. I am one of those princess and the pea type sleepers – the tiniest, teeniest, slightest thing will wake me up. The merest movement. The most stifled cough. I suppose it’s a legacy of motherhood, a genetic imprint (though some mothers seem to have the handy habit of being able to sleep through gale force screaming – a smart move as means someone else has to deal with the baby).

I also consider myself the perfect nocturnal companion. I may not be good in many social situations but I am a considerate sleeper with perfect manners. I turn over twice (occasionally four times – has to be even number so end up on left side) and then Do Not Move until dawn. Not one inch. Seriously, I’m positively corpse-like. I’ve watched those films of normal people sleeping and I flinch. They’re so busy. Like Adrian in fact. Adrian is a thrasher, a thresher, a snorer and shouter. I’ve asked him what he dreams about and he says it’s usually about beer – and from where I’m (not) sleeping, he’s obviously having trouble getting his order in as he wrestles and turns and shouts meaningless things (probably trying to get his point across in Czech or Polish). The shouting and thrashing becomes worse when he has a) drunk a lot and b) eaten cheese. So, over the summer (when a lot of beer and cheese was consumed), he decamped to the spare room.

But nature abhors a vacuum and a certain small dog snuck up onto the bed one night. I was sceptical but the SP is my soul sleep mate. He stretches himself down along my back like a long meercat-shaped hot water bottle. Like me, he doesn’t move. We lie in perfect harmony until morning when we both stretch. He gives me a companionable lick on the arm; I stroke him. We are both happy. Until...

‘That dog’s taken my place,’ harrumphed Adrian. ‘I’m coming back.’ Ye gods, do you think he’s jealous?

So we settled down, the SP between us like a chaste bolster (reminding me of childhood holidays with my grandmother who would put a bolster down the bed between me and my friend). What was she worried about? Nine year old lesbian romps?

Anyhow, back to the present. Needless to say, Adrian thrashed, even more than usual. I read two novels through sore eyes. The SP did move – obviously trying desperately hard to shove out the interloper – and, come morning, Adrian was teetering on the edge of the bed with no cover whatsoever – all four puppy paws pushed firmly into his back.

‘Looks like it’s back to separate beds,’ said Adrian grumpily. The SP and I exchanged a look and, quietly, bumped fists.



PS. Actually, since writing this, I have cheered up a little. The postman arrived with a neat little parcel containing THE most gorgeous Xmas bauble from glassmaker Will Shakspeare – (I know, I know and, before you point out, no, there isn't an e missing).  Will was the chap who tried to teach me glassblowing last year (still makes me giggle thinking about it). DO have a look at his website – everything is heavenly but the baubles (£9.50-£21) are affordable heirlooms. I’m planning on buying one each year and building up a collection. Even Adrian (Mr “I don’t get craft” Jones) was impressed.

See?  Isn't it gorgeous?  Looks even lovelier in the "flesh" (um, glass?) actually...

17 comments:

Lane said...

Look at his little face. Your bed is obviously his rightful place.

Beautiful bauble!

Exmoorjane said...

Hi Lane! Isn't he the cutest thing? And yes, the baubles are just beautiful. I'm not one for Christmas bling but these are lovely and subtle enough for year-round display. jxx

Westerwitch/Headmistress said...

Yay made me smile the vision of you and your wee dog bumping fists - that is me and Arnie . . .

Nic's Notebook said...

Awww glad SP is keeping you company! I love sleeping by myself as well. I have started wearing ear plugs every night so that I can get some peace! We usually also have 1 or 2 cats on our bed so I don't think there's any more room for our puppy!

Preseli Mags said...

The divine SP sounds the perfect sleeping partner. Much better than a snoring man. I love the image of the two of you bumping fists.

Lou said...

Really cute. Gorgeous hot water bottle.

I've tried glass blowing, it was fun but I certainly didn't get a beautiful bauble out of it!

**

Daft Giveaway over at mine today!

Fennie said...

Animals do make good companions don't they? Glad you'll get your nights' rest back.

ArtSparker said...

No self-esteem problems with this canine.

legend in his own lunchtime said...

When men dream of 3 in a bed, I'm sure they don't anticipate either your scenario or my own. Our son is piggy in the middle and can expand his dimensions to fit any available space. When the going gets rough, as it does most nights, I usually give up and sleep in his bed.
That glass is gorgeous. I wonder if he ships to the States?

Frances said...

Jane, you Soul Puppy portrait definitely defines cute, and perhaps irresistable.

My question is, where oh where is Asbo Jack during these peaceful dream-filled nights? Has he accepted this change in the household order?

xo

Rob-bear said...

I am a snorer and thrasher, Jane — the sort of thing one might expect from a Bear. My problem, though, is not Ursine; I have sleep apnea. It is the ultimate destroyer of sleep. I and my breathing machine (called a CPAP, short for "continuous positive airway pressure") decamped to the basement a long time ago. I don't hear the thing at night, but neither my wife nor my dog can abide it, so I sleep alone. Care to trade your soul puppy for a 50 pound Standard Poodle?

P.S.: Word verification for this is "waker." Seems so apropos, perhaps of poor Adrian.

CAMILLA said...

Dear Jane,

Thank you soo much for your lovely message on my somewhat ancient blog, aw, you are a sweetie.

The photo of your SP is an absolute darling.!! no wonder James loved him, who wouldn't.!

I have to admit Jane, I am Princess Pea, at least I get to hog huge double bed to myself, and no snoring from other half which could wake up the entire village.!!

My soul mate is sadly not a Mr Darcy between the sheets, no, it's my faithful JRT, bless.

Love the Bauble.!, ooh, going to have some myself now, thanks for the link Jane.

Have a great weekend Jane.

xxx

Irritatingly Optimistic said...

I'd have SP in my bed any night. My two are two big and hairy and start panting as soon as the heating goes on so they are no use as hot water bottles.
I am off right now to look at those baubles. I have far too many collected over the years but get great pleasure hanging each and every one on my tree every year.

Humdrum Mum said...

Love the fact that you have to turn an even number of times. Brilliant! -HMx

Posie said...

Awww, a snuggly dog, glad hubby knows his place in the 'pecking order', lol. Love the bauble, we were collecting glass baubles, donated each year by parents for grandchildren, not gorgeous ones like that though, ours have got smashed over the years unfortunately, think if I get some they won't be hanging on a Christmas tree, especially with chocolates hanging off, kids and dogs, recipe for disaster.

ladythinker said...

This made me laugh out loud - it reminded me that our Gran also used to separate my sister and I by a bolster when we used to stay with her! We thought it was to stop us talking which I didn't!

How much for the SP - I'm seriously in love!!

Mark said...

That was funny. I of course am a perfect sleeper and it is Jane who snores and thrashes and worse. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And what was Ben Gunn said in Treasure Island: ' Many's the night I've dreamt of cheese - toasted mostly"