I can’t remember the last time I went for a job interview so I was amused, and somewhat puzzled, by the kind of questions that are now being asked by potential bosses. None of that old ‘And what do you think you’d bring to the job’ stuff – apparently now it’s all ‘What dinosaur would you like to be?’ or ‘Who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman?’ Or ‘If a hippo falls into a hole how would you get it out?’ Or even, ‘What type of ice-cream are you?’
WTF? According to the Association of Accounting Technicians (no, I have no idea who they are either) the questions are designed to see whether you’ll freeze or flourish when confronted with the unexpected.
Aimee Batemann, spokeswoman for the AAT said, ‘The best way to maintain composure and reduce the chances of embarrassment is to try to prepare for every possibility.’ Oh, get real Aimee! How the hell can you think of every possible weird or downright barmy question you might get asked?
Anyhow. I thought the questions were rather good fun so, in an idle five minutes (waiting for a hippo to extricate itself from a hole) I answered the ones that are apparently doing the rounds of the, er, accounting world.
Q: If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be and why?
A: A tomato – unable to decide exactly what I am.
Q: Who is your favourite Doctor Who?
A: Pass. Can we talk about my favourite James Bond instead? Or better still, just look at him? By the way, if you Google 'naked Daniel Craig' (as one might do) I should warn you that there's some very bad Photoshopping out there.
Q: What would you do if you caught a member of staff kissing the boss?
A: Tap my nose at the boss and start taking very long lunch breaks.
Q: Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit?
A: Neither. It’s an abomination.
Q: Would you rather know a lot about a little or a little about a lot?
A: Knowledge is overrated. However much you think you know, you can never really know. I hope I have learned the wisdom (and hopefully the humility) of having a beginner’s mind.
Q: Do you like to sing in the bath?
A: No. I like to bathe in the bath.
Q: Which three celebrities would you like to join you for a night out?
A: Hell would freeze over before I a) voluntarily had a night out and b) asked celebrities to join me.
Q: What would you do if the sun died out?
A: Moon bathe (in furs).
Oh, the other ones? If I had to be a dinosaur I’d go for velociraptor (Jurassic Park did a fine job on their PR). Superman, doh (though if it were a question of which one I’d snog, it’s Batman all the way). The hippo? Call Hippo Rescue, I suppose. And the ice cream? What kind of stupid bloody question is that?
Did I get the job?
Okay. Your turn.