Thursday, 26 March 2015

The Pale, Paler, Palest Diet

So, I'm not feeling good.  Not good at all.  But then, as the charming Dr Sepp Fegerl (the clinic's medical director) says, 'If you want to feel better, you have to feel worse to begin with.'  The Mayr Cure goes deep, it seems, and plucks out all kinds of old nonsense from the body.

So, today, as he massaged my poor groaning abdomen, he told me about the 75 year old woman who spontaneously had LSD flashback while undergoing the Mayr.  And a similarly aged man who was mightily alarmed when he looked in the loo and saw he'd passed something that looked like a long red tube.  It turned out to be something he'd swallowed when he was a child.

And then he smiled (Dr Fegerl, not the guy who'd swallowed the tube).  'Of course, if it's not the right time for you, or it's all too much, we can back off; you don't have to do it now.'

Yeah, well, you know me.  I accept most challenges.  Not eating much doesn't bother me at all.  But it's a bit demoralising when the choices get smaller and smaller each day.

It started off so well - with a pretty solid breakfast of omelette, manchego cheese and spelt roll.  A bit anaemic but hey...  Because it's Viva Mayr you're supposed to eat in silence (so you're mindful of what you're eating) and you are supposed to chew each mouthful as many times as possible (the aim is 40 chews per mouthful).  Why?  Because digestion begins in the mouth so you need to unleash as much saliva as possible.  And also because this can be the last opportunity for certain cell membranes to be broken down.  Don't chew your peas properly and they will just pass through more or less undigested.
Here's lunch...a small (very small) bowl of soup, a jaw-breaking buckwheat roll and two slivers of Camembert. Curiously, the Mayr Cure includes dairy produce and even red  meat on its cure.  So, fine, if a tad bland.  And not exactly a colourful plate, eh?
And for supper?  Mayr firmly holds to the principle that you don't eat much in the evening.  So supper kicks off at 5pm (and the kitchen closes up at 6.30pm) and, in my case, consisted of herbal tea and, er...no, not dog biscuits...or even dog turds...but soy bread.
Which was all well and good until Dr Fegerl tested me for food intolerances and wiped out eggs, cheese and yoghurt.  So, given I don't eat meat and fish...my choices were getting more and more limited, and more and more bland.
And, after that...well...it got a bit pale...
 And paler...
 And the palest.
Forget the Paleo Diet...this is the Pale, Paler, Palest Diet.  Yummy.

5 comments:

Young at Heart said...

certainly not an appitite enhancer!!

Frances said...

Oh Jane, excellent reporting, but I do hope that before long you will be released.

The photographs are so clear. Pretty little doilies add a certain something.

xo

LeeAnn at Mrs Black's said...

I admire your fortitude. If I were in your place I would asking friends to send chocolate. Which is why I am a sz 14 and you a much tinier sz. x

courseofmirrors said...

Thanks for sharing another adventure in your unique style of dry humour. A spell of voluntary prison that eliminates bad habits, temptations, stimulations, and requires the surrendering of one’s autonomy, a freedom we relish in misusing, has a strange attraction. I grant the experience offers an opportunity to explore what creature lurks under the layers of daily distractions.
I’m curious about the effect of this strict regime on the mind, concentration, imagination?

Midlife Singlemum said...

How long is this retreat for? I enjoyed reading this. Looking forward to more.