Shiny happy people...

I'm so clean, I'm squeaking.  I swear my innards are glowing. What was going to be a ten day juice fast turned into a twelve day one and, to be honest, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have kept going.  But one has to come home at some point and so I broke my fast on the plane with melon, nibbling chunks from my little pot while the couple next to me chomped away on monster chicken rolls, crisps and KitKat.  No judgement there, by the way - each to their own.  Talking of that it did amuse a little that a few people got a bit aerated about my fasting.  Dark mutters of 'it's not healthy, you know' and 'you don't need to detox - it's all nonsense' were heard.  But hey, I'm not asking anyone else to do it, just reporting my experience.  And my experience was good.  The proof of the pudding (so to speak) is, for me, in the not eating.

I arrived in Portugal feeling pretty rubbish.  I was aching all over, not sleeping, feeling dizzy and generally out of sorts.  I wondered if it was menopause finally getting snarky with me and had gone as far as to buy some herbal remedies (which I promptly forgot to take with me) but swiftly realised it was simply that I had been putting crap in my body and in my mind.

By the time I left my aches had all gone.  I was sleeping like a kitten (early to bed, early to rise). The dizziness had vanished too.  I felt bright, alert and clear-headed.  Also - praise be! - my rotator cuff decided to sort itself out (or nearly sort itself out).  What else?  Oh yes, now I'm back in a room where I can actually see my face in the mirror (my room there was VERY dark) my skin is clearer and softer and my eyes are brighter.  I've shed about five kilos of very much unwanted weight and I'm standing taller and sitting easier.  My mood is improved about 500 percent too.

It's not just the juice fasting, of course.  The yoga played a large part - all three teachers were great but I learned tons about bringing yoga into everyday life with Drew.  Then, of course, I had two mind and body-blowing sessions with Anita that really rummaged around in the murky depths of my psyche, untangling a lot of messy knots and activating a shedload of suppressed energy.  She is an extraordinary therapist and a big high five to Moinhos Velhos for having the guts to employ someone who works so deeply.  I've been on a lot of detoxes and they've all been pretty good but it's people like Anita and Drew who make the difference here.  Of course, it won't suit everyone - the Moinhos experience runs on Om and dances to Shiva - if you like to keep it all more...clinical...then there are plenty of other detoxes to choose - see the selection on Queen of Retreats (where I'll be filing my report on MV).

Of course, you don't have to go to a dedicated retreat centre to detox.  I wrote my book The Detox Plan
to help people do a gentle detox at home.  It includes a very sensible month-long cleanse that can fit around the average working week.  Ouch, that looks like a sell, doesn't it?

I promise I'll shut up about this now (or very soon).  But, you know, what it does drive home to me is that so many issues can be cleared up with three simple things:  food, movement, clearing mind/emotions.  If you eat crap, you'll feel crap.  If you don't move, you get stiff and uncomfortable. If you don't address your core issues and mind hang-ups, it's odds on you will stay miserable.
Do you have to do a twelve-day juice fast?  Of course not. But if you want to feel a shedload better, I'd heartily advise looking at how you treat your body and mind.
Now, of course, the big challenge is to stay in balance.  As I've found, time and time again, it's easy-peasy to do this stuff when you're away from home and work with all its stresses and temptations. Once you come back, it's all too easy to slide back into crappy habits.  We shall see...

Loving the Light - Days Eight and Nine

Where is the time going?  I'm losing track.  I'm feeling less and less inclined to turn on my laptop, or even my phone.  More and more I'm finding myself able to enjoy each moment.  I'm noticing the flowers - the bottlebrush (like zingy pot scourers), the mimosa, the orange blossom (oh heady, heady aside in a dell), the jasmine (almost overwhelming, almost sickly), the honeysuckle (bigger, brasher than at home but shy of scent, as if it feels it can't compete with its more powerfully olfactory neighbours), 'look at me!' bourganvillea and, 'no, look at ME' hibiscus. And then there are the roses.  Oh the roses, crimson, carmine, tequila sunrise, orange sorbet with a scent so deep and sweet. They lure me in a way they never did before.

One day, I forget which, we went to the beach, bundled in a minivan, like a school trip.  The sun went shy but it didn't matter.  Four of us went down to the shore, and three of us walked through the shiver-cold water along the sweep of the bay.  Coincidences abounded.  We found we knew people in common; we'd been to the same places.  For heaven's sake, three of us had all worked at the same office.  Clare and I had even been at the same university, at exactly the same time. We lived in the same student flats one year.  How strange is that?  So we swapped stories of bands we'd seen, people we knew, places we'd been.  It was the most curious, delicious, wild mind-loop, as old memory files were awoken; old cells rejiggled, old faces summoned (where are they now? who are they now?).

We're a harmonious group.  A kind group.  Our ages range from 33 - 78, our homes span across Europe. So, while I spend a fair bit of time on my own, I also spend time with others, learning from them, enjoying their stories, sometimes telling mine.  And I also get to talk to the people who live here - because this place runs partly like a sort of community.  People come and live here and work for various lengths of time - upwards of three months usually.

Anyhow, the rest continues as always - yoga, juice, cleansing through water and fire, meditation (formal and informal), letting go, letting go, letting go... Shedding not just weight and toxins, the accumulated dross that accumulates when you eat badly, drink badly, but also the old tensions, emotions that no longer serve, the past, the fear.  Leaving one feeling just so light, light, bright and full of...love.  Corny?  Maybe.  But you know what?  It's a much nicer way to feel and be and live than holding on and shivering with fear.  


  

Detox Diary Day Two

So, I slept for ten hours straight (hugely unusual) and woke up feeling...absolutely deathly.  My head was hammering as if I'd downed an entire bottle of Tequila.  I got out of bed - gingerly - and crashed back down again.  Dizzy, weak, totally pathetic.
Detox headache?  It's common when you come off coffee but I rarely drink coffee.  Then I had a pee and realised what had gone wrong.  Now then, we're not going to be squeamish, are we?  Because the thing you have to realise about going on a detox is that everyone - even the most fastidious - ends up talking almost obsessively about bodily functions.  In deep detail.  Just remember this.

Anyhow, my urine was the colour of a Double IPA (can't you tell I'm married to a beer writer?) - in other words I was hugely dehydrated.  My own fault entirely.
I really did feel rubbish, to the point that a pint of freshly squeezed orange juice (as in taken from the trees and squeezed) made me feel queasy.  Okay, so let's explain here.  It wasn't just orange juice. Three times a day you take a container with an inch of Bentonite clay in it - you add a bit of juice, and then two teaspoons of Psyllium husk and then shake it like crazy.  Why?  Cos if you don't, the whole thing congeals and turns into stomach-chuning fetid porridge.

The Bentonite clay acts like a sponge and apparently it can absorb 40 times or more its own weight in toxins, bacteria and parasites. Yum. It yanks these along with mucoid layers (I did warn you!) from the walls of the intestinal tract.  The Psyllium husk swells and acts like a broom, sweeping the loosened gunk from the intestines.  Together they push everything down from the small to the large intestine.

Next up was yoga and, while all I really wanted to do was crawl back to bed and sink into blissful unconsciousness, I padded over to the yoga temple.  Not because I'm just a total goody two shoes who does everything she's told but because I know from experience that if you do good yoga on a juice fast, you feel great.  If you don't, you feel crap.

And, true to form, I came out two hours later feeling pretty tip top tickety boo.

It's amazing how busy you are at this place.  There are three juice 'meals' a day, supplements to take in between (I'll save those for another day), Clysmatics (ditto), meditation and all manner of other gizmos.  But what you mainly need to know is that you really, truly don't feel hungry.  The Psyllium takes care of that.  And the other thing you need to know is that you really must drink plenty of water - particularly when detoxing in a hot climate like this.


For reviews of other detoxes see Queen of Retreats

Scorching my ladycarriage by remote at the new VIVA MAYR at Altaussee

So, I was shown round my room at the brand new VIVA MAYR clinic, and it all looked pretty standard.  Nice bathroom - all the usual gear except...
'The toilet has a remote control,' said my guide with a flourish.  I frowned. Something was surely lost in translation.

She logged the look, reached to the wall and plucked out, yup, a remote control.  'Very high-tech,' she said.  'Just like in  Japan.'

Okaaay.  But this is Austria.  Back at the original clinic I seem to remember the loos all had a shelf so you could inspect your outgoing messages but this was something quite, quite different.  Could you fast forward with it? Pause mid-stool? Record your, um, progress???

We looked at one another, the loo and I.  It narrowed its eyes and gave me a challenging 'you'll never dare test-drive me, you scaredy cat, unhygienic English person' sneer.
'You bet I will, you weird unfeasibly bizarre Japanese contraption,' I said.  And looked around for the instruction manual.
What?  Nothing.  Picked up the remote and tried to figure it out.  I mean, really...a picture of a woman (water jets straight up the fanny?); a symbol for wind (drying presumably) and a flower (deodorising?).
Oh, what the hell.  I took the same approach as I do with any remote -  just flail around pressing buttons willy-nilly.  Oooh...the fanny current was weird but not unpleasant.  Then...ouch!  OUCH!  It was trying to nuke my ladycarriage.  I swear I got up singed.

Anyhow.  I still didn't really see the point.  Until the next day.
You start each day like this:

"7.15AM - Taking VIVAMAYR morning drink (intestine cleaning).  Altaussee's Glaubersalt directly from the inner mountain-spring into your bottle.  Pour some warm water into this and drink slowly." (sic)

Ye gods, it tastes disgusting.  Like downing a carafe of ocean.  Apparently it's supposed to suck all the muck out of your digestive system.

Then you get breakfast, lunch and dinner which consist of...very little.  So my dinner looked like this:

No, those aren't dog chew sticks - they're soy bread rolls.  And yup, that's a pot of herb tea.  And yup, that's it.

Then the gurgling began.  Pretty soon I had a concerto going on in my guts - a quartet of stomach, duodenum, ileum and colon.  Not long after that I found myself walking smartly to the loo.  And again...and again...and again...  Let's just say I clocked 15 times within the space of an hour.

And that was when the loo gave me a knowing look.  'Admit it,' it said.  'You need me.'

This may not be the start of a beautiful relationship but let's just say, we've reached an agreement,

Wake me up - when September ends...

Long time, no blog.  I’ve been off with the fairies, dreaming, dozing, delegating my life.  Now it’s time to wake up.  Why do I never follow my own advice?  I took a look in my book The Natural Year and there it is…

‘Autumn shouts ‘wake-up’ to the psyche – it’s time to dust yourself off after the languor of summer and take life head on again.’ 

I’m late, I thought, as I blinked my way into the day (hideously early as always on a school day); September has nearly ended.  And, see, there goes my mind again, skittering off on a tangent, now thinking about the song.  Flibbertygibbet mind. 

I made far more sense when I was younger.  J  Let me remind myself what I said then…

autumncozy.tumblr.com

‘Neither yin nor yang can hold power over this time of the year – the year is held like scales in perfect balance.  This is a transitional time when you need to keep balanced and centred, just like the year itself.  But it is also a time when the powers of creation are coming up again – from the clear energy of fire comes the manifestation implied by earth – not just the harvesting of the fields but all kinds of creation, new beginnings, the start of something different.  Earth energy can kick-start you into new directions and differing ways of living life.’

Okay. 

And how?  In practical terms?

‘In the early part of autumn you should begin a warming  and toning diet.  Shift to wearing light but warm clothes and take oil baths and massages to begin gently to warm the body.’

I can do that. 

‘Autumn is a time for storing what is necessary and getting rid of what is no longer needed.  It’s a time of clarity; of dumping the dross, of getting rid of things both physical and emotional which no longer have a place in your life.  It’s time for a second big clear-out, an ‘autumn-clean’ if you like.’

Hmm.

‘According to Chinese philosophy, if you cling sentimentally to old attachments and desires, you will end up feeling anxiety, grief and a profound feeling of melancholy.  These feelings, in turn, will affect your body – predominantly your lungs and large intestine.  The result will be flu, colds and a general case of low resistance, of feeling under par.  If the problem goes deeper it might bring breathing difficulties, chest pains, skin conditions and other unpleasant results.’

Ouch. 

Okay, so time for a clear-out.  Some decluttering.  A detox.  I get it.  Care to join me?   J

The Natural Year - A Seasonal Guide to Alternative Health and Beauty - now updated for Kindle 

Bringing the peace back home...maybe.

So I’ve been to four retreats in the last couple of months, reviewing them for Queen of Retreats.  The Body Retreat.  Vital Detox. Middle Piccadilly.  The Sanctuary Somerset.  All very different and I’ve loved them all.  But, as someone pointed out on Twitter recently, it’s all well and good if you can afford to swan off to these places but if you can’t…?  And I thought, fair point.  I also thought that really, I need to find a way to bring the peace and serenity on retreat back into everyday life.  As Juls at the Body Retreat said, if you only make a few small changes, they will lead on to bigger changes.  And Paola, the yoga teacher at The Sanctuary said that, even if you do just one yoga move every day, you will start to shift.

So. Since I’ve been back, I’ve been getting up and hour earlier than usual. I light a candle, fire up a joss stick and bung on a CD of Tibetan chanting. And I’ve been doing some simple yoga moves before settling down to meditate for about half an hour.  Okay, so it’s early days but so far, so good. 

But I can’t do yoga, I hear you say. Oh, but the first few bits of this are so so easy.  Really.

1. Neck rolls.  Simply stand in a balanced easy posture and slowly, ever so slowly, let your ear drop down to your left shoulder, then circle down so your chin is moving towards your collar bone and then up to the right shoulder and (very gently) backwards.  Repeat several times...really really slowly... and then go back the other way. Releasing, letting go.  

2. Shoulder shrugs.  Arms by your sides. Bring each shoulder up to your ear in a rapid alternate shrugging motion.  It’s quite vigorous but you can alter the pace to suit yourself.  Keep it going for a few minutes.  Energizing, loosening, awakening, creating heat in the body. 

3. Now stand still.  Find the bottom of your sternum.  Place the first three fingers of your left hand under it. Take your right thumb and poke it into the point directly under the fingers.  Take away the left hand and start to massage the point with your right thumb in a clockwise direction.  It may be tender or even painful – adjust the pressure so it’s bearable.  Keep going for several minutes if possible and then swap thumbs and work the same point with your left thumb in an anti-clockwise direction.  This point is three finger widths from the bottom of the breastbone (sternum). This is a point called the Sea of Tranquillity and it’s helpful in the relief of tension in the chest, anxiety, nervousness, and depression.

4.  Let’s just finish with the simple standing forward bend.  Padahastasana. This stretches out the entire back of the body, from head to heels, lengthening the spine and helping it become more flexible.  It massages all the internal organs, especially the digestive organs (so can ease constipation).  It can relieve sciatica, invigorates the nervous system and increases the supply of blood to the brain. It’s also said to remove fat from the abdomen!  On an energetic level, it is grounding, earthing, energizing and it shifts inertia, allowing you to move forwards. It stimulates and balances muladhara chakra, the base chakra situated around the perineum. Not bad, huh? 

a. Stand up straight, shoulders relaxed, ankles and knees touching.  Now inhale as you reach up, arms straight over your head, arms touching your ears. 

b. Exhale and bend forwards from the hips (don’t collapse), keeping your back straight for as long as possible. Keep your legs straight.   Don’t worry if you can’t touch the floor, just keep the idea of it in your mind.

c. Stand firmly and visualise earth energy coming up through your feet and passing right through your body and down into your hands.  Eventually, with practice, you will be able to place your hands under your feet and bring your head to your knees.  But even if you just hang, that’s absolutely fine. 

d. Stay for as long as feels comfortable, breathing comfortably and enjoying the sensation of earth energy moving into and through your body.

Actually, she looks a bit unbalanced but you get the idea.

That’s enough for one day, huh?  Even if you just try one…it could be the start of something.  J

DIY detox

So. Since I’m no longer going on detox at Anamchara I figured I’d just do it myself at home.  Because, really, it’s not as if there’s any great mystique behind the process and, now I come to think of it, I’ve written two darn books on detoxing sooo…

I pondered a juice detox but then decided against it. Not because I don’t like juicing (cos I really do – as evidenced here) but because it’s bloody cold, for pity’s sake, and I don’t know about you but I’m feeling the need for some warmth.  And it’s also because, while juice is great for a short detox (up to three days), you really need some protein going on for a longer-term detox (I plan on doing three weeks or more but, fundamentally, this is really just a healthy eating plan, so you could keep on and on...and become positively squeaky clean.)

It’s become fashionable lately to ridicule detoxing – and yes, there is a lot of garbage spoken about it.  Remember those detox foot patches?  Say no more.

And yes, the liver (and the lungs, skin, kidneys, lymphatic and digestive system etc.) can detox by themselves quite merrily.  But then again, sometimes they can do with a helping hand. If you’ve been overdoing the booze, fat, sugar and so on – your body could probably do with a break.  And that’s really all a detox or cleanse is – just giving your body the space to get on with what it’s supposed to be doing. Nothing particularly weird or arcane...

So, what will I be doing?  Well, keeping up what I started at Ti Sana really.  So, no booze, no caffeine, no sugar (other than naturally occurring in fruit and veg).  A pretty solid, sensible vegan diet – predominantly vegetables, pulses, legumes, some grains, some fruit, nuts, seeds.  Some olive oil (if I had the dosh it would argan oil too but hey)…

A few anomalies. No grapefruit, which saddens me as I adore grapefruit. But it isn’t so hot on detox as it puts the brakes on some aspects of the liver detox process.  And no rhubarb or oranges as they are quite acid-forming. 

Keep everything organic as far as you can – you don’t want to be putting pesticides into your body, do you?  And I guess it goes without saying that you should be aiming for seasonal food cooked without dollops of saturated fat (so think raw, steaming, roasting, boiling – not deep-frying).  And no, no fast food or crisps. And yes, a Bloody Mary does count as alcohol rather than fruit.

Drink plenty of water. This is the major good habit I picked up at Ti Sana cos, although I know I should drink plenty of water, I’m really crap at remembering.  But your body really does love it when you hydrate it.  Instead of tea (my addiction) I’m drinking herbal teas (hey, Pukka now do a mint and licorice one, and it’s slightly sweeter and nicer than the Yogi tea one – but no inspiring messages).  No, it isn’t quite the same but my adrenals will thank me.

So. Anyone gonna join me?  I’ll kick you off with a couple of recipes from Ti Sana (I haven’t tried them yet so, if you do, let me know)

…and I might just chart my progress on Twitter with the hashtag #DIYdetox – you could too. J 

I’ll try to add some more bits and pieces of detox ‘perceived wisdom’ on the blog.  Of course, if you’re mega keen you could follow the plans in my books, The Detox Plan or The Detox Kit (though not sure that one’s still in print).

btw, The Detox Plan (in Kindle form) is only a couple of quid or dollars...I detoxed the price! :-) 

Recipes from Ti Sana

Chickpea soup with lemon and cinnamon

400grams cooked chickpeas

100grams white cabbage, finely sliced

50grams daikon, finely sliced

1 sundried tomato

1 litre vegetable broth

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

1 teaspoon chilli

1 teaspoon lemon juice

Onion, chopped

2 cloves of garlic, chopped

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Sea salt to taste

A little olive oil

Heat the oil in a saucepan and then add garlic and onion and sauté for a few minutes until soft. Add the spices, chickpeas, cabbage and daikon. Cover with the broth (or boiling water if you prefer) and bring to the boil. Boil for around ten minutes.  Add the parsley and lemon juice and serve. 

Black rice and carrots with lime

240grams black rice

33grams finely sliced carrots

2 tablespoons lime zest

60grams sunflower seeds

1 tablespoon sesame oil

Sea salt to taste

Boil the black rice for around 30 minutes.  Cook the carrots in a pan with a little salt and oil. Toss for 3-4 minutes then add the lime zest. Cook for around ten minutes.  Chop the sunflower seeds and add to the carrots.  Mix in the rice and mix together over a medium heat for a minute or two. 

Craving something sweet? 

Raw truffles

100grams cashews

100grams dates (or half dates, half apricots)

1 tablespoon dried coconut

1 tablespoon cinnamon

Sesame seeds (for decoration)

Take out the stones from the dates and then blend the lot in a high speed blender. Form the truffles into balls and roll in sesame seeds.  Put in fridge for around an hour. 

No more shit...

Life really does delight in biting you in the bum sometimes. So be careful. Don’t tempt fate. J

You know how the other day I was saying that you really should never ever ever share a bathroom when you’re detoxing?  Well.  I was due to head off to check out another detox in a few days’ time – this time not so far from home, in Somerset even. And it looked great.  A week of juice fasting – you know, just my game. Lots of yoga and Pilates and meditation. Yum.  Conveniently forgetting the twice-daily colonics bit.

And then, I get back and the PR gives me a call. It's kinda hard to concentrate cos Asbo is barking in my ear and wafting foul breath over me so I'm twisting in some kind of yogic contortion to get away from his sphere of influence.

But eventually I made out this:

‘Umm, we’ve been having feedback from journalists about this and, I should warn you…’ 

Er, yes? 

‘Well, you’ll have your own room of course…;

Er, yes?  Oh what?  WHAT? No! You know what’s coming, right?

‘But, see, you’ll be sharing a cottage.’

‘So, cutting to the chase, I’ll be sharing a bathroom with a stranger?’

‘Er, yes, basically.’

‘And this is the place where you’re supposed to do colonics on yourself twice a day, right?’ 

See, I can’t get away from the shit.

‘Oh, don’t worry about that; you’ll have your own board.’ 

Er, right. Just like I had my own rectal nozzle. Life is generous.

‘You’ll make a schedule. It’ll be fine.’

Well, I fear, to my shame, that I had a bit of a prima donna moment.  I mean, it’s one thing sharing a bathroom if you’re going to a budget b&b or camping or wotnot. But at a place that charges around a grand for a week?  Er, I don’t think so.  And, when you’re supposed to be toddling off every morning and afternoon to crap?  Great.

So I came off the phone and fired off an email to the organizers saying basically WTF?  And, hey ho, they got back to me and said… ‘Well, we were hoping to upgrade you but, as it happens, it’s all off now anyhow as the owners of the property have decided they don’t want any more journalists coming.’

So, that’s that. No more shit.  And at first I thought, there you go Jane – all your own fault for being such a fecking spoilt bitch.  For putting on airs and acting the big I Am.  Cos really, I never do that assertion stuff.  Ever.  Usually I’m just bloody grateful for whatever I get given.

But then again, who knows, maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s for the best. The idea of twice-daily colonics was doing my, er, head in.  But I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  Cos, no matter how much you tell yourself you can do the juicing at home, and the yoga and Pilates and meditation too, no problem – when it comes to it, you don’t, do you?  Not properly.  The dog barks, the phone rings, you have to work and clean the house and wash the clothes and so on, and then you fart around on the Internet and before you know it, your child’s home from school and priorities shift all over.  Then again, maybe that’s the challenge, huh?  

Never detox with a lover...

Right. If you’re gonna go somewhere to detox, go alone.  Seriously.  I often think, when I go away and stay solo in these lovely hotels with fabulous rooms and ginormous beds that it’s all a…bit of a waste really.  But, y’know, if you’re gonna do a serious detox then, just trust me on this one, you really truly don’t want to have your ‘other half’ with you.  

Can I just pause a moment here to ask whether any more disgusting a term exists? Other than ‘better half’ which is plain vomit-inducing.  Boyfriend? Yeah, fine if you’re a teen. Partner? All a bit worthy somehow, a bit old socialist, a bit ‘Brighton’, if you get my drift. Honestly, the main reason Adrian and I got married was because of the whole ‘what do we call one another to other people’ thingy once we moved out into the country to a village that really didn’t ‘get’ the ‘partner’ thing. And the word 'lover' was used in a totally different context. J

And, if you’re in a new relationship?  Excuse me while I choke quietly on a linseed cracker. Er…no.  Just…no.  I don't often tell people what to do but...

Why? Because detoxing ain’t pretty. It really ain’t.  Unless you’re so squeaky clean that really, you don’t need to be there in the first place, you’re going to look and feel like total shit – at least for the first few days. 

‘Oh God,’ said Lizzie (the other journo here, who arrived yesterday and is still in shock). ‘Is it just me?  All this juice is giving me the shits something rotten.’

‘Nah, it’s not just you,’ I said, sipping another pistachio green concoction and feeling my guts gurgling afresh.

‘Phew.’

Right there you have it. I don’t need to give you more detail, right?  Would you really want to be squitting for England (or wherever) while, not only your beloved, but anyone at all is lounging on the bed next door?  I suppose it’s always an issue when you stay in any kind of hotel: the etiquette of how not to listen when someone is having a crap a few feet away from you.  But, seriously, it’s way worse when you’re detoxing.  Most detox places don’t even have TV to mask the symphonics (to be fair, Ti Sana does).

So? You're totally sanguine about the shit side of the equation?  Okay, so let me warn you that you get spots – even people who don’t get spots (like me), get spots.  Added to which you get crashing headaches, and I mean real stompers.  I don’t drink coffee so I figured I’d be fine. Wrong. Oh so wrong. Yesterday I had the roadworks on the rush hour M25 going off in my head – it was pounding so badly that I couldn’t even face supper.  I just crawled back to my room at 8pm and shivered under the sheets until sleep decided to take pity on me.  And now you're thinking, yeah but, y'know, spots, looking like crap, that sounds like how I am most the time, so...so what?  

Well, of course, some people just go a bit mad. ‘I tell ya,’ said Lizzie, as we waited for our ‘Angel of Water’ treatments (I’ll spare you that right now). ‘I am Evil. Evil. Bitchin’ evil.’

‘Huh?’

‘Hungry and hormonal? Not a good mix.’

‘You didn’t make the rebounding class. What happened?’

‘Hmm,’ she said with a guilty grin. ‘Mario was in danger of getting a smack in the gob if he’d tried to get me doing anything.  I needed to go to my room and just BE ALONE.’

Yeah, I hear you, girlfriend.  We had a little whine and a laugh and then went off with our respective therapists. 

But she had it right.  Truly. No matter how much you love your 'partner', no matter what kind of squalid slob you are at home. No matter what...detox solo is best.  Cos, above all, regardless of the spots and shits and all, the last thing you need is sharing a room with someone going through the same stuff as you. Solidarity?  Nah. There is no solidarity when you have to race for the bog. 

Yes, it’s great to have a laugh and a bit of empathy going with other people who’re going through it with you but – in a small spa at least – you’ll usually find the other guests are all too willing to share their anguish and boast over the level of misery they’re enduring. But sometimes you just absolutely have to hide away and feel deeply sorry for yourself.  So, if you absolutely must go in tandem, take a good female friend (one you already know looks as bad as you do without makeup while severely hungover – cos, believe me, that’s how you’ll be looking).  But, even so, never ever EVER share a room.  

Okay. So.  Glad we’ve got that sorted.

Agree?  Or not? 

PS - I should point out that I'm not remotely hungry...Lizzie is starving cos she's on a juice fast and normally eats EVERYTHING. I am being fed so much food I seriously can't finish it.  I tell ya, if you're scared of being hungry on detox, this is the place to come.  

Detoxing

Imagine waking up each morning feeling full of energy and vitality yet also feeling calm and relaxed about the day to come.   You know what?  Abundant health and wellbeing should be our natural state. We should wake up ready to launch into each day feeling joy, peace and a deep connection with our bodies. 

Yet it doesn’t happen, does it?  There are a whole host of reasons why we avoid total vibrant wellbeing.  But it’s always good to find something external to blame, huh?  So let’s scapegoat those nasty old toxins.

To be fair, the modern world is a bit of a toxic battleground.  Everywhere we turn we are assaulted by generally man-made toxins:  in the air we breathe, the food we eat and the water we drink.  Allergies and sensitivities are on the increase, many caused by the growing levels of pollution in the environment, chemicals in our homes and additives in our food.  Should we eat organic if we can afford it?  Hell yeah.  Should we think twice about the chemicals we put on our skin, in our mouths, around our houses?  Er, yup.

It is not just our physical bodies which bear the brunt either.  Our minds are overloaded; we feel a rising sense of panic when we try to cope with our increasing work load and the deep stresses and strains of coping in an increasingly complicated world.  When mind and body are assaulted, our souls can easily become “lost” in the battle.  We feel physically unwell, emotionally drained and psychically bereft.

So a whole bunch of us throw up our hands, thinking that since toxins are so prevalent why try to combat them?  Equally others fall into the opposite camp, living a miserable life eating seaweed and permanently purging themselves with enemas!  But there is a middle way. You can have your cake and eat it - you just need to cleanse it out every so often. 

I’ve written two books on detoxing and more features than I care to remember.  I looked into all the research, tried out pretty well all the practices and figured out what was worth doing and what wasn’t.  Recently I’ve updated and expanded my first book on the subject, The Detox Plan and Kim has put it out in Kindle format.

The aim was simple. Provide a straightforward, sensible guide to coping with our toxic world.  I tried to take a realistic look at the toxic threat - with clear advice about how you can reduce your own personal toxic load.

There are two programs detailed in the book.  A full one-month program which can be easily fitted into your everyday life or a weekend “retreat from the world”.   

I’m no angel.  I may have known all the theory but I didn’t always put it into practice.  But, as I explained in earlier blog posts, I was inspired by Marek Stefanowicz and his books to smarten up my act.  I became vegetarian (verging on vegan), gave up alcohol and caffeine, and took up meditation and exercise.  I also started fasting (usually one day a week or fortnight) and juicing.  Net result?  I dropped three dress sizes, toned up and barely ever get colds anymore. 

Now, not everyone is gonna want to go that route.  Which is where this modified version comes in – aka detoxing.  If you do regularly overload your body, a periodic detox (now is the ideal time as the weather gets warmer and we edge into spring) is a boon.  Sorry, but there is no gizmo that will do it for you – it’s a case of cutting out the baddies (just for a while) to give your body a break.  It may be a bit tough to begin with (your body becomes addicted to some stuff – caffeine and sugar in particular).  But honestly, you will feel absolutely amazingly good after a thorough cleanse – so good that you may not even want to go back to your old ways!  But if you do, your choice entirely.  Just give your body a break periodically – at the change of the seasons works well.  I hope the book cuts out all the crap (so to speak) and gives a sensible, easy to follow, plan.  

What it doesn't include are the following: 

Colonics.  Seriously you don’t need to do this. 

Gimmicky foot patches, magnets and other malarkeys – save your money, honestly.

Expensive spa treatments.  A nice adjunct but won’t do the hard work for you.

You can buy the book by clicking here  - I’ve also put up a Pinterest board for a bit of added inspiration. 

Lie back and relax...

Okay, so this may surprise you but I don’t believe in January detoxing. I don’t believe in harsh resolutions.  I don’t believe in punishing regimes.  Sheesh, guys, this is January.  JANUARY!  Some of you are lucky enough to live in lovely warm places but for those of us who don’t, the last thing our bodies need is being brutalised right now.

I worry that by focusing on this idea of ‘detoxing’ as a short sharp process, we’re missing out on longterm health and wellbeing.  Far better, surely, to shift your mindset so you simply don’t want to tox your body, your mind, your spirit anymore?

And, anyhow, when it’s cold outside and lonely inside, the last thing you need is more stricture. Which is why I buck the trend and make January pampering month.  I don’t eat crap but I do tend to eat slightly more than usual; warm nourishing food. Alright, so that’s mainly dhal – because, dear God, I do love dhal.  Yes, I work out and I am beyond grateful that Zumba and Kettlercise have started up again.  But you wouldn’t catch me pounding the pavements at dawn (but, hey, if you enjoy it, go for it).

Those of you who know me will know I’m not remotely high maintenance.  Even if I weren’t broke I wouldn’t spend a fortune on clothes or stuff generally.  If I lost all my worldly goods tomorrow it wouldn’t really bother me – in fact, I’d likely feel quite liberated.  But the one thing I would lament would be my bath. 

I figure the world is divided between those who shower and those who bath.  Don’t get me wrong: if you’re hot and sweaty after a morning workout, the shower’s the place. But, come evening, my before bedtime ritual always involves a hot deep bath.  Immersion in water.  Total immersion in water – yeah, sometimes I go under and make like a mermaid…it’s a habit started in childhood and hard to break. J  But mainly I just float.

Y’know how I was talking about being solutions the other day? Well, water is the universal solvent.  A glass of water is charged particles dancing – a fandango of minerals and elements.  We are composed of 85 percent water and water makes up nine tenths of our blood, plasma, lymph, urine, saliva…even our cerebrospinal fluid, even our synovial fluid.

Check out any creation story and water will be there…  Check out pretty well any ancient culture and there will be rituals for bathing. Check out any form of spirituality and water flows through.  Look at the work of Japanese photographer Masuro Emoto who photographed the effects of loving words and prayers versus harsh and harming words and thoughts on frozen water crystals.  The thoughts that harmed produced forbidding whirls while the prayer created lacelike formations. Check out old Leonard Orr who discovered rebirthing in his tub.  Look all over the world – from the Mayan cenotes to the banias of Russia; from the Turkish hammam to the Jewish mikvah; from Hindu temple bathing to the Japanese cult of the bath.

Ah, I could go on and on.   There are a million and one ways you can bathe. A gazillion rituals and routines for physical health and psychological wellbeing.  Me?  I tend just to soak and muse; to relax into the breath and to let my mind wander in pleasant places.

Yes, I add unguents.  Of course I do. But never nasty synthetic stuff – I don’t get why anyone would want to bath in chemicals.  I’m supremely lucky in that I get sent a fair amount of bath products for testing.  Some I quietly lose to the local raffle but some I just adore...

These are my keepers...  

Aromatherapy Associates – I still adore their Deep Relax bath oil but lately I’ve been quite turned onto their Support blend (lavender and peppermint) 

Ila-spa – Sheer, total decadence.  Their rose Bath Oil for Glowing Radiance is an all-time favourite. One of these days I must also test out their salts. 

Weleda – Seriously good prices for lovely pure scents.  Their lavender is a world away from sickly synthetics – deeply calming. 

REN – It’s the Morrocan Rose otto bath oil here – divine. Complete the experience by using their scrub beforehand for silky skin. 

Connock London – Their soothing bath oil is heaven – a more exotic scent than the others with oils of kukui, macadamia and tamanu. I massage this one into my skin first and then soak in the bath – it leaves the whole body decadently soft. 

Taer – This Icelandic company has a range that looks as beautiful as it smells and feels.  I’m in thrall to the Glacier Bath Oil that somehow makes your body feel hot and cold at the same time! Not to be used during pregnancy or if you’re breastfeeding.  

Think those are the main ones. Having road-tested Pukka Herb’s (www.pukkaherbs.com) new ayurvedic skincare range (it’s excellent) I’m really hoping they will come up with some bath goodies soon.

However, if you can’t run to purpose-bought potions, never fear.  If I run out, there’s no way I reach for the synthetic stuff. I’d rather use a couple of drops of essential oil mixed with a little milk.  Or pop a few drops of essential oil (lavender or citrus scents work well) on a handful of salts (a mix of sea salt and Epsom salts works well).

Then just lie back….and dream…   Happy January.