Saturday, 23 April 2011
Basically I have overdone everything. I am wiped. I have completely, utterly, totally, absolutely (add own extreme adverbs) trashed myself. I have discovered the point at which my body says, ‘Enough. Stop. FFS just stop. Please.’
A three-hour charity Zumba bash last night was the last straw. Four of us went and we were tired before we started. I just wasn't really in the mood, after a week of total introspection, to handle wild exuberance and neon pink tutus. We drove back, shell-shocked, and when Susie pulled up outside my door we just looked at one another and collapsed into ever so slightly hysterical laughter.
'I don't think I can get out,' I said. 'I think I may have to stay here.' Susie gave me as much of a shove as she could manage and I yelped.
It's not just my body. I have also found another point at which my mind just quivers and goes blank. Once again I’ve tried to go beyond nothing and been turned back.