I haven’t been tagged in a meme for positively years. But my dear mucker Laura has done the dirty. Apparently this originated in The Guardian Weekend mag and the answers have the power to reveal the ‘real you’. I’m always trying to discover/uncover/whatever the real me so I figured – why not? – and merrily ignored my inrushing deadline to pay it some thought.
What was your most embarrassing moment? Hmm. There are many candidates and I’ve confessed plenty in the past. Being told to ‘fuck off’ by Bob Geldof made me wince at the time but, on reflection, I don’t think it was personal. Discussing the ELLE sex survey on live TV was pretty cringe-worthy – I spoke in an unstoppable torrent of totally inadvertent innuendo.
Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought? Boring answer – car. Not even a good car either...crappy Toyota RAV4.
What is your most treasured possession? I don’t really go a bundle on stuff. I love things James makes for me and I'm superglued to my iPod. I’d hate to live without my PC – does that count?
What’s your favourite smell? Woodsmoke.
Who would play you in the film of your life? Tilda Swinton, please.
What is your favourite book? Sorry – gotta cheat and have three and all spiritual, not novels. The I Ching; A Practical Guide to Qabalistic Symbolism; Symphonic Bridges.
What is your most unappealing habit? Readjusting shop displays and pointing out abuse of apostrophes.
What is your earliest memory? Lying in my pram looking up at a hedge and seeing hundreds of caterpillars.
What is your guiltiest pleasure? Chatting on the Internet.
What do you owe your parents? Genetic gloom, existential angst, long legs, big tits and a broad mind.
To whom would you like to say sorry, and why? Terry Waite (for saying he was smelly) and (oh God) the smelly girl in my girl guide patrol. Note to self: sweat isn't a sin.
What was the best kiss of your life? North London. Mid 80s. Random party. Random guy. Sheesh.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? ‘Shit yeah’; ‘to be honest’; ‘Oh FFS’; ‘Sorry’.
What is the worst job you have ever done? Filing for the Immigration Office. I won’t tell you what I did to pass the time.
If you could edit your past, what would you change? I would love to have had a daughter (as well as a son). And I said no a few times when maybe I should have said yes...but then again...
What do you consider your greatest achievement? My son. Simples.
When did you last cry and why? A few weeks ago. But I cry at anything. Music usually sets me off – I have been known to sob at adverts if they include the right minor chord.
How do you relax? Seriously tough aerobic exercise. Or seriously tough hard massage. Or seriously tough hard... never mind.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life? Enough money to follow my heart rather than chase bills.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you? I know nothing. Be kind. Okay, so that's two but they're linked.
Now then....time to tag? Okay, here are the people to whom I say - 'reveal, reveal'....