Saturday 7 July 2012

It's just a ride...

It’s been one heck of a ride.  One crazy, mixed up, muddled up time, it really has.  And I got to thinking…what have I learned?  When I look back over the last eighteen months or so, what have I learned?

Well. In no particular order…

Really tough hard exercise can sort out all manner of crap.
Listen to your body.  It really does tell the truth.  Unfortunately most of us stick our fingers in our ears and sing loudly.
Breathing is very hard.
Your mind will lead you astray. 
Meditation should be obligatory – for the mental health of the world.
Never tell anyone what to do.  It is not your business.
Contradictions abound.
Love your enemies – they have the most to teach you.  Seriously.
Nothing is real. Really.
Unfortunately banks don’t run on quantum principles.
Being Zen is tough.
When in doubt, play loud rock music.
Fasting for long periods and driving is not a good combination.
Think before you spout out shit.
Don’t think too much.
Sense of humour is the probably the most important character trait you can have.

If you can’t change your life, change the way you think about it.
We are all alone.
You can’t please everyone – don’t even try.
Nobody can save you. (I like Nobody).
If you love someone, tell them (yes, even if they’re psychic).
Try not to judge.
Dogs are small gods.
Gods bite.
Teabags lie.
Sugar is sweet evil.

Life is too short for gardening or housework – unless you enjoy them (you weirdos).
Friends that don’t like you just the way you are aren’t your friends.
Smoked tofu with almonds totally utterly rocks.
So do small knitted slugs.
Never judge a book by its cover (literally – ho ho – and metaphorically).
When something about someone really bugs you, ten to one you have that self-same trait yourself. Which is hugely annoying.
Massage is the dog's bollocks.  Please read that sentence carefully. 
The truth hurts.
Use all your senses – all the time.
Religion is bonkers.
People are weird.
Never make assumptions.
Love really is the bottom line.
Be kind. Or at least try.
Avoid wankers. 
Sometimes incredibly meaningful-seeming things are probably just incredibly random but that doesn’t not make them incredibly wonderful.
Open your heart wide open.
Have no regrets.
Give it your best shot.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
It’s not always about you.
It’s always about you.
Oracles are open to misinterpretation.
When dealing with arsewipes, just smile sweetly and nod.
It’s not worth trying to force the universe. The universe will snicker at you from behind its hand.
Never give up.
Know when you’re on a losing wicket and quietly pad out backwards making small ‘I’m not really here’ hand motions.
Never turn down a rain poncho.
Never ever EVER get a bikini wax by a girl who’s only done, like, two before.

I think that’s it.  So long and thanks for all the fish. *ring* 


Writer Pat Newcombe said...

Well - I guess nobody's perfect! There again, like you, I like Nobody!!

Ashen said...

Silence or loud rock music, works all the same, as long as it interrupts the loop. You're approaching Zen status. I disagree with tofu, smoked or not, it tastes like rubber :)

Sessha Batto said...

It still is one heck of a ride, and I only expect it to get wilder from here on out! Of course, therein lies the adventure :-)

Anonymous said...

Sum (re)capitulation, huh :o)

Tattieweasle said...

I'm making the whole list into wall paper as a poster just wouldn't be big enough!

F said...

Sometimes I think about the fact that millions of years of evolution have gone into making me a talking monkey.

Then I think, "Dude, I'm a talking monkey. THAT'S AWESOME!"

Unknown said...

Lots of doubt, lots of rock music. Now it all makes sense. You've learned much and taught much as well, thanks for that.

Greta said...

Hmmm. I'd like to know what caused this out-pouring of all sorts of stuff. But then, I'm a nosey bitch.

I like the cartoon about the dog (wanker) And 'you can't please everybody - don't even try'.

Hugs to you, Janey.

Anonymous said...

Some people tell other people to be themselves when, in fact, they are always themselves, even when they are

Rachel Selby said...

Love the notion that I sin differently from you. So true.

Anonymous said...

Far a well, Moor Lass. It's bean a plea sure. :o)

Rob-bear said...

Interesting, indeed. Fascinating, actually. A few utterly wrong by me, but excellent overall.

I'd love to borrow this.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You don't sound very desperate to me. Maybe you hide it well.

Tee said...

This is wonderful. Really made my morning. Thinking I should do this on my vlog this week. Things "I've" learned. :D

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to add a prefix to your posts ie: You're a Plastic Jobo all the

internetg33k said...

I need to tattoo this entire post somewhere on my body...or get a print out and hang it near my computer...haven't decided which yet...

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to add a prefix to your posts ie: You're a Plastic Jobo all the
My name is automatically blocked from most forums now before I even post. That's ignorance and bigotry for The last one was AVF.
Why you would claim to be Jobo Pooks is beyond me and don't use that old get out clause "we all have a little Jobo inside us all." lol.
But then I suppose if you don't like you then you have to pick someone to be

Anonymous said...

Anyway...go sign the tv licence petition, you lot....

Anonymous said...

This isn't an exit drama is it, Jane????

Unknown said...

I loved this. Some great advice here. I really loved the 'Don't judge me because I sin differently than you.'

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@ Jobo: It seams... Know sand witch...

Anonymous said...

@ Jobo: It seams... Know sand witch...
@Marek: Know exit drama, but sew journ? Burn out recovery.

Anonymous said...

@ Jobo: (Ab)so(l)u(te)l(y) (s)tit(che)s. Ashes to phoenix. Dust to bust.

Fennie said...

So glad I decided to look at this post. Like all your writings there's a lot of good stuff here. Or stuff that I think is useful to me anyway.
Life is hard for the young especially when our modern society has thrown away so many of the rules. But there we are. Yes, we should all meditate more. Not sure I understand the dog's bollocks bit though.

New Mum Online said...

I NEEDED to read this post - thank you thank you thank you x

Anonymous said...

It's one of those silent exit dramas isn't it? lol

Big Fashionista said...

I love this with all my heart