It's just a ride...

It’s been one heck of a ride.  One crazy, mixed up, muddled up time, it really has.  And I got to thinking…what have I learned?  When I look back over the last eighteen months or so, what have I learned?

Well. In no particular order…

Really tough hard exercise can sort out all manner of crap.

Listen to your body.  It really does tell the truth.  Unfortunately most of us stick our fingers in our ears and sing loudly.

Breathing is very hard.

Your mind will lead you astray. 
Meditation should be obligatory – for the mental health of the world.

Never tell anyone what to do.  It is not your business.

Contradictions abound.

Love your enemies – they have the most to teach you.  Seriously.

Nothing is real. Really.

Unfortunately banks don’t run on quantum principles.

Being Zen is tough.

When in doubt, play loud rock music.

.

Fasting for long periods and driving is not a good combination.

Think before you spout out shit.

Don’t think too much.

Sense of humour is the probably the most important character trait you can have.

If you can’t change your life, change the way you think about it.

We are all alone.

You can’t please everyone – don’t even try.

Nobody can save you. (I like Nobody).

If you love someone, tell them (yes, even if they’re psychic).

Try not to judge.

Dogs are small gods.

Gods bite.

Teabags lie.

Sugar is sweet evil.

Life is too short for gardening or housework – unless you enjoy them (you weirdos).

Friends that don’t like you just the way you are aren’t your friends.

Smoked tofu with almonds totally utterly rocks.
So do small knitted slugs.

Never judge a book by its cover (literally – ho ho – and metaphorically).

When something about someone really bugs you, ten to one you have that self-same trait yourself. Which is hugely annoying.

Massage is the dog's bollocks.  Please read that sentence carefully. 

The truth hurts.

Use all your senses – all the time.

Religion is bonkers.

People are weird.

Never make assumptions.

Love really is the bottom line.

Be kind. Or at least try.

Avoid wankers. 

Sometimes incredibly meaningful-seeming things are probably just incredibly random but that doesn’t not make them incredibly wonderful.

Open your heart wide open.

Have no regrets.

Give it your best shot.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

It’s not always about you.

It’s always about you.

Oracles are open to misinterpretation.

When dealing with arsewipes, just smile sweetly and nod.

It’s not worth trying to force the universe. The universe will snicker at you from behind its hand.

Never give up.

Know when you’re on a losing wicket and quietly pad out backwards making small ‘I’m not really here’ hand motions.

Never turn down a rain poncho.

Never ever EVER get a bikini wax by a girl who’s only done, like, two before.

I think that’s it.  So long and thanks for all the fish. *ring*