Now then, about yesterday. I was going to do another ‘normal’ blog post but then…well…stuff happened. I got distracted. And part of me, a big part of me, went ‘NO! Gotta do the post, gotta get this stuff out there.’ Because, see, I’m one of life’s grafters. I’m a Capricorn for feck’s sake – put a mountain in front of me and I’ll climb it, doggedly, step by step, even with blisters. Stick a river in front of me and I’ll swim it. Say jump! And I’ll bloody try to fly. I used to blame it on my school, on the good old protestant work ethic they drummed into us but really I think it goes back earlier than that.
I have always been a strainer. In fact my mother confessed that the look of intense pained concentration on my face, even when I was having a crap, used to annoy the hell out of her. I was one of those children that liked lists; that liked organising and being organised in my self. I also loved being in control. Hence I invented clubs with long lists of arcane rules and regulations and made my long-suffering, more easy-going friends jump through hoops. I wrote and produced plays (never liked being an actor, much preferred calling the shots). I guilt-tripped my classmates into creating vast collages which I would then cheerily foist onto local retirement homes, whether they wanted them or not. I wasn’t even ten years old – bossy little brat.
Then my father died (of lung cancer) and the extrovert stuff died with him. But I was still driven. I collected badges (yeah, I was a Queen’s guide) and I collected exams. The same at work. Always in control, always with an eye on the next step, always challenging myself. Once I even challenged myself to see how many books I could get published in a year (I think it was six).
I plot. I plan. I ponder. I like to pin down. To be precise. Perfection? Yeah, ideally. J All those bossy plosives, eh). Promises? I try and keep ‘em. Processes? Hell yeah, keep it neat and orderly, broken down into tidy points.
Which is all well and good. To a plosive point. But you also miss out if you blinker yourself; if you only look straight ahead at the winning post. Sometimes you have to loosen up, drop the whole control freak thing and follow the flirts. I’ll explain about the flirts more later on (cos Flirting is a whole big Thing and I’m not talking ‘bout giving someone the eye down the pub). I learned this in the Labyrinth BIG time. That a comment, a phrase, a song, a poem, a word even, could send you skidaddling off down a whole new wormhole. And that the ‘aha’ moment or the Great Insight or the start of the whole change thing doesn’t necessary happen when you sit down and start at Page One. Sometimes it sneaks up behind you and tweaks your pigtails. Maybe – when it comes to Big Important Things – one shouldn’t try to pin them down and dissect them. My quasi-guru talks in a mixture of poetry, music and provocation – trying to pin him down is like trying to herd the wind.
So, yesterday, I remembered that – or rather, he reminded me - and I followed the flirts and so yesterday’s post was as much a part of the journey as anything else.
But, anyhow, tomorrow I shall endeavour to return to what you term ‘normal service’. More of the How I Lost Four Stone stuff. Though you do realise that the whole weight thing really isn’t the Holy Grail, don’t you? And you do realise that I’m as much a learner as you, don’t you? We’re all in this together. As long as we’re as clear as muck on that… J
Meanwhile…For those who may be struggling with Symphonic Bridges and Pro-Vocation, good news! I’m translating The Cave, previously only available in Polish. What d’ya mean, I don’t speak the language? I am extremely fluent in Polandish. How could I not be? I’m an interpreter, after all… ;)