Monday, 16 April 2012

Ah the hell with it...and gallstones.


Long time, no blog. I’ve been keeping a low profile, right?  Except today I seem to have managed to get pictures of myself in, not one but two papers.  Which is unfortunate.  To put it mildly.
Really though, I have to laugh.  Out loud, in a very unladylike cackling manner.  Because there’s nothing like the press to bring you down to size.  I mean…why?  Why the hell did I spend several hours expunging every unflattering photograph from my Facebook page when the Daily Mail merrily prints a pic of me looking like the wicked witch of the West that will be seen by around 4 million people?  Huh?  Someone up there is laughing his/her/its head off at me – cos of course God has a mean sense of humour. 
Talking of mean,  I mean…why didn’t the photographer have the heart to tell me that grape really isn’t ‘my’ colour and that pouchy pockets on a blouse isn’t a great look on the well-endowed and that what I thought were nice jeans look like jodhpurs?  And that skinny jeans really should be tucked into boots, not dragged over them. Men, huh?   

‘I look seriously crap,’ I said, mournfully, showing the page to the girls in the Tantivy café.  There was a long pause.
‘Nah, it’s not that bad,’ said lovely Rose.  Then looked again. ‘Though it does look like you’re wearing a nightie. Who told you that blouse was a good idea?’
Great.
‘But, hey, there’s a nice one of you in the Western Daily Press,’ she said, smiling encouragingly.
What?  Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Our campaign to save the Exmoor gym continues and now the press are getting very interested in why a not-for-profit organisation is shutting a gym which was founded via initiatives from the NHS and local government.  So another photographer pitched up and yup, sure enough, there I am, all gleaming white legs and mad woman eyes, charging across the Dulverton bridge.   
Why am I telling you this?  Because, frankly, I’ve gone beyond.  I have not one shred of dignity left, not after selling my gallstones to the highest bidder. I mean, what's left? A piece on my ingrown toenails?  
The one they didn't use! 

Of course, if you felt so inclined, you could comment on the Daily Mail piece, telling them what a wonderful writer I am and how much you’d love to see me paid a big fat fee to write on a regular basis (about my wild and wanton life, of course – not my squalid gallstones; and no, the ingrown toenails were a joke).  Or, hey...how about a whole series on how I changed my entire life in a year (not just my shape) - cos they cut out all the interesting bits.

Then again, you could comment on the gym story, expressing your disbelief at the callous way in which a small but vital little gym is facing closure in the year of the Olympics. 
Or not. J
Now I and my gallstones shall take ourselves off into a corner and binge-eat chocolate by way of waving two fingers at the world.

 Pics (c) Richard Lappus. Not to be reproduced without permission. 

20 comments:

Mud said...

Tell you what though, bloody great legs!!

Elspeth Cooper said...

Two years ago, after suffering intermittent pain and projectile vomiting for about a year, I was diagnosed with multiple gallstones up to 1.6cm in size.

Even following a low-fat diet and being very careful what I ate after diagnosis, I still had two emergency admissions to hospital through A&E in the next six months: first for 4 days with acute pancreatitis and jaundice, when I couldn't even drink water without vomiting, then a month later with acute biliary colic. They had to put me on morphine both times for the pain.

I had also lost weight, about 4 stone over a year and a half, but I didn't do it sensibly and my diet was frankly terrible. Hearing what your doctor said explains a helluva lot!

I had a keyhole cholecystectomy in October 2010 and I've never looked back. I can understand you not wanting surgery and I wish you luck and continued good health, but personally, I'm glad I had it done. I'm not a food-as-fuel person; I enjoy the whole sensory experience of preparing and eating a meal far too much to endure the worry that no matter how careful I was, I might be back in A&E again two hours later.

Minerva Black said...

I like the photo of you, you look like a pixie and your hair is great!

I'm another who suffered from gallstones & pancreatitis after a rapid weight loss and I have more bad news. Most sufferers can continue to form stones even after the gall bladder is removed, so the ducts can become blocked, same symptoms, pain etc, just a different op to remove the stones. Be careful Jane.

Fennie said...

Ah the problems of plumbing! But the photo isn't bad. Love that hair! Doubt if the wicked witch club would actually let you in - they are horribly picky - though they might requisition your gallstones for their cauldron on the excuse of lèse-majesté. Did you give them names? The gallstones, I mean, rather than the witches? Faith, Hope and Charity, perhaps. Or then again, perhaps not. Yes, I can well imagine they were painful before they got out and walked for themselves. I have a sneaking suspicion, which your observations don't totally contradict, that giving up alcohol is not a good idea. Until the medics come up with something better, it is, in moderation anyway, quite a good flush for the pipes.

Exmoorjane said...

@Mud - why, thank you! My best feature, come to think of it. :)

@Elspeth - Yikes. I'm not remotely bothered about what I eat so it's not that tough for me. Though if I eat out it is a bit challenging to explain I'm a vegetarian who can't eat creamy stuff..so there goes the lasagne, risotto, spaghetti - all the usual malarkey they chuck at the veg brigade.

@Minerva - Yup, that was one of the bits that got cut from the feature and one of the reasons why I don't want surgery. :( Oh, and thank you for kind words re pics - the hair is really a small nation in its own right. :)

Exmoorjane said...

@Fennie - you snuck in again. :) Funny thing, the subs at the Mail added in a pull-out about a certain amount of alcohol helping prevent gallstones so you could be onto something. :)
Names? Nah...I am working on the 'pretend they don't exist and they will eventually give up and go away out of boredom' tactic. Much like irritating people really. :)

solange noir said...

You look like an artist, you can still wear skinny jeans and your hair is fab <3 I'm going to comment on both sites and tell them so. Dandelion for gallstones?
xxx

Frances said...

Jane, I do like all the photos! You are quite a beautiful lady, and your spirit also shines through the camera lens.

I am so glad that you are feeling better and hope I am forgiven for not letting you know ahead of time that I was briefly in London recently. (The trip was a dry run for a longer stay across the broad Atlantic.)

xo

Rob-bear said...

Ah, gallstones. Truly horrid, I understand. A sign, I'm told, of having too much gall. But surely, that would not be you! So Bear is mystified.

Ah, but you are a beautiful picture. "A creative soul dressed casually" would make a grand title. And smiling. LIke you knew the tiger was about to eat the photographer?

Ashen said...

Good to hear the gym campaign is making noise. Dunno what you're on about, you look fabulous. Think silk and jewels and you'd grace King Arthur's table.

Op, avoid if possible, get some more advice.

Ashen said...

Good to hear the gym campaign is making noise. Dunno what you're on about, you look fabulous. Think silk and jewels and you'd grace King Arthur's table.

Op, avoid if possible, get some more advice.

akisdad said...

Have to agree with Mud.

Anonymous said...

The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

Exmoorjane said...

Hey Anonymous - better pick your blog reading more carefully, huh? :D

Jobo Pooks said...

Here's a good article:

http://www.sensiblehealth.com/Journey-03.xhtml

Exmoorjane said...

@Jobo - thanks for that - really interesting piece. Yeah, I can't flush 'em (if they're still there, of course - they're not talking to me at the moment!) until broken down. Is why I'm taking the Chanca Piedra. But the CGC tincture looks good. Will track down supplier.

btw, Blogger still thinks you're spam. Just you. Weird huh? lol

Exmoorjane said...

Tincture available here - goes under name of Jin Qian Cao

http://www.bristolbotanicals.co.uk/pr-1093

Jobo Pooks said...

Maybe I'm being flagged as a baddy....Hey; I'm a nice guy! lol

Jobo Pooks said...

Go have an ultrasound.....then you'll have an idea how big they are if there are any left

Exmoorjane said...

@Jobo - Another one? Not yet. Am waiting until I've done the flushing thing. There were only three on the scan - and only one big-ish one - 1cm.
I've been doing the Piedra tea thing but have ordered the tincture and will have a whack at that too. Then do the flush. Was gonna do the apple thing before the olive oil but seems that isn't necessary according to that piece.