Hair

It all started out so well.  I woke at 6am after a full six hours’ sleep, having enjoyed some weird dreams and a certain amount of astral decadence. 

Zumba had worked its usual magic, the sun was shining, the frost was crisp and the day was bright.  I did my morning meditation, Tibetans and then spent a pleasant hour at the gym. 

Something was nagging at the back of my mind but I couldn’t for the life of me think what it was.

‘Where is it you’re going this evening?’ asked Adrian, as I got back, shouting over the sound of the vacuum cleaner.

Shit. That was it! Last night at Zumba, Kate had said, ‘You are going tomorrow night, aren’t you?’ I stared at her, head on one side, sweat dripping attractively from my nose. ‘Carolyn’s birthday?' she prompted. 'At Gill’s?’ 

‘Huh?  What? Oh. Yes. Yes. YES!  Of course I am. I hadn’t forgotten.  Of course I hadn’t.  You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you?’

She rolled her eyes.  ‘Right. Well, if you’re not there by 7.30pm I’ll ring you.’

What can I say? I have a bad memory. I blame it on having too much in my head - I need to run defrag on it, get it all filed a bit more neatly.  Anyhow, going out was okay. I could do that.  Except…shit.  I looked in the mirror and the mirror sort of took a little gasp and half-looked away before realising that it was being impolite.  What the bejesus had happened to my hair over winter?  It had taken on a life of its own; become a small satellite state. Frankly it was a bit scary and I don’t scare that easily.  And if it scared me, was it really fair to take it with me to the home of a really nice person; to inflict it on other really nice people; including poor Carolyn who was having a big birthday and needed soothing not stressing?  No.

I did wonder about cutting the bastard stuff off altogether, to put it in its place. My mother trained as a hairdresser in the war – her mother had refused to have her evacuated and so apprenticed her to the nearest shop.  She got off  lightly really; a bit further down the road sat the undertaker and the butcher.  But anyhow, I must have the hairdressing gene, right?  Plus I used to watch the hairdresser when I had one. And it’s all in the way you run the hair through your fingers.  But when I mentioned on Twitter that I had my scalpel ready, poor Erica nearly fell off her pouffe. 

Colour then.  A while back I’d been sent a couple of packets of Naturtint to try out.  I’ve seen this stuff in the health shops – it promises to dye your hair without the really nasty chemical shit that goes in most home-dye products.  But then, I also had a packet of henna I’d picked up in the hippy head shop in Taunton.  The last time I used henna I was at university, sharing a flat with a girl from Iran and a girl from Iraq (yes, in the early eighties – fortunately they were pretty mature about it).  At first I thought they were shitting in the bath and felt very suburban in my outlook (while sticking to the shower).  When I found out it was henna, I felt even more parochial. But they just smiled and taught me how to apply it to make red hair even redder.  But that was, um, decades ago. 

Once again I asked Twitter and it wasn’t terribly forthcoming.  Just one firm reply: Henna. Given it was from a guy I decided that I should probably do the opposite so I went for the Naturtint.

Last time I did this I had a lot LOT less hair.  This time I seemed to get more of the stuff on my face, neck, cleavage than on my head; not to mention liberally splattered around the bathroom. Given the shade was called Fireland, it looked like I’d been butchering a pig; or taking slices out of myself.  Anyhow, I finally got it all on and went about my business, quietly lamenting the fact that, were I in a salon, I’d be sipping tea and reading crap magazines by now.  Then, of course, I got caught up reading something interesting and clean forgot all about it.

‘How long have I had this stuff on my head?’ I asked Twitter.

A flurry of alarm came back from the women in the crew – summarised as ‘too freaking long; take it off NOW!’ and a laconic, ‘Keep it on, see what happens’ from the guy.  The latter was tempting because, honestly, the idea of taking it off was just too exhausting.  Eventually I did – mainly because it smelt a bit odd.  Not unpleasant, just…alien.  ‘Rinse until the water runs clean,’ said the instructions. Half an hour later I was getting dizzy.

But, at last, tis done.  And it’s rather nice really.  Now if I could just do something about the sheer VOLUME of the stuff...

Nitty gritty.  Why should you worry about using ‘normal’ hair dye?  Well.  The usual stuff contains some pretty unpleasant chemicals.  Ammonia wrecks your hair eventually (I can attest to this having bleached my hair to death in the 80s – seriously, it was slime).   Resorcinol is an irritant to eyes and skin and can affect the central nervous system (symptoms can include dizziness, restlessness, unusual heartbeat). Parabens (which are in all kinds of things – check your labels) have been linked to the development of cancer.

Naturtint doesn’t include any of these which has to be a good thing.  It uses chemically light alternatives.  But does it deliver?  Yes,  actually, it’s not half bad. The colour is good – bright but not brash.   I'll be honest, it doesn't last quite as well as the full-on chemical brigade but that’s a small price to pay. There’s also a range called Reflex (a non-permanent colour rinse) that doesn’t even contain peroxide or PPD and hence is suitable for pregnant women.

Of course, the totally natural solution would have been the henna.  Next time maybe. J

Naturtint costs £9.99 . See www.naturesdream.co.uk for details of stockists and videos of how to apply (hmm, probably should have checked that first). 

Let's try, try again...

cosy...

I tell you, left to my own devices I’d probably spend most of the day (not to mention the night) meditating. The place I go to makes much more sense than the ‘real’ world around me.  But we live in this world and have to be of it while we’re here so, sadly, it’s not really an option.

‘I sometimes think you’d be happier in a monastery,’ said Adrian the other day. ‘Or tucked away in some cave.’

I paused and frowned, pondering the question.

‘Oh God,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t serious.’

‘Well, ’ I said, smiling. ‘It would have to be a very warm cave. In a desert maybe.’ J

But really…I go through phases – of engagement and disengagement. And I think that’s okay actually.  It’s part of my process, what I think of as my alchemy.  What people often don’t understand about alchemy (magick, personal growth, call it whatever you fancy) is that it isn’t a linear process; it spirals; it loops back on itself.  You often have to repeat the same stages over and over on different levels of that multi-dimensional labyrinth; each time slightly differently, with new insights.

Anyhow, process work is another way of navigating through the labyrinth.  I’ve mentioned Arnold Mindell before and now I’ll try to explain a little more.  If you find ‘normal’ meditation tough, this might be the key. It’s a bit complicated so, if you’re interested, I’d really recommend you read Working on Yourself Alone, the most accessible of his books.  Mindell was a physicist who became a psychoanalyst and he marries science and psyche in a way few can with any aplomb.  He believes that the key to change (should  you want to change, of course, and many don’t) is not to dampen down the ‘lower’ drives (greed, jealousy, anger etc) but consciously to identify with them; to allow the troublesome parts of the personality to express themselves.  Hence, he feels, Eastern meditation practices which focus on detachment are not necessarily advisable for most people.

Riding the horse backwards... 

‘A possibly new dimension in meditation would be to accept and process all events, including anger, jealousy and greed, in order to reveal their life-giving potential,’ he says.

So, we don’t reject the shitty bits of ourselves; we don’t stamp all over our anger or fear; we don’t hate and reject our pains, our flesh, our illnesses, our weaknesses.  Instead we use those feelings, we amplify them to discover what they’re trying to say.

It’s basic alchemy. You take the signals you receive (from your body, your thoughts, your senses, other people, the world) and apply focus (meditation) and by amplifying and cooking them you bring them to completion.

‘The alchemist’s gold is greater contact with experience of, and sometimes even insight into, our own and other’s nature,’ says Mindell.

But what is process?  Basically it’s the information that comes to you, from all kinds of directions. Mindell identifies six main ‘channels’.

1. Body feeling – breathing, sensory perception, aches, pains, body awareness.

2. Visualisation – seeing with the mind’s eye.

3. Hearing – what you hear…externally and internally.

4. Movement – spontaneous movement, tics, twitches, spasms.

5. Relationships – how you and other people relate, including transference

6. World phenomena – how you and the ‘outer’ world interact. 

Meditation, says Mindell, is a multi-channelled process which is at work all the time. I love this. It means you take meditation out of the lotus position and into the world, into every moment of your day. Actually, in his later books, he describes how you can take it into the night too (learning how to meditate while asleep – that’s my next challenge).

But to start, close your eyes. Ask yourself, which channel am I in? Start with just three – inner seeing, feeling, hearing.  Are you feeling something in your body? Seeing something with your inner eyes? Hearing something (maybe even just your breathing?).  Don’t use your outer eyes because looking happens too spontaneously – your eyes are too busy noticing things, being fascinated by what you want to become.  Equally, normally our bodies are constantly shifting.  So, by closing your eyes and not consciously moving, you become aware of other channels.  Whatever you see, hear or feel -amplify.  If you have some ache or pain, focus on it, check out where it’s coming from, where it’s going to. If it becomes uncomfortable, you may find you switch channels, to avoid the confrontation – you may stop feeling your body and instead ‘see’ an image in your mind’s eye or become aware of your breathing.  For now, that’s fine.  Just see what comes up.  Don’t judge, just become aware.

Mindell often finds that by working in this way, people not only gain insights into their psyche, their bodies often heal too.  He has even worked with people in comas – strange but true.  Of course, some people resist change, even when they hurt (psychologically or physically).  ‘Pain is not enough to motivate people to change,’ Mindell says. ‘There is something else, a strange, unpredictable element which is required before people can work out problems and alter their lives. This element is a mixture of discipline, love and enlightenment.’  Interesting.

But should we work on ourselves?  Actually yes, we should probably try.  If you consider the earth is a system, a field – then you can’t just throw stuff out.  There’s nowhere for it to go - you’re simply putting your crap out into the system.  We all have a duty, really, to process our psychic waste just as much as we should compost our peelings and recycle our bottles. 

What will our children be eating?

The problem with progress is that often you reach a tipping point. You can’t go back.  Sometimes this can be good of course.  Someone commented on my last blog post that maybe the answer to racism is to mix up our genes until we are all one big juicy gene chowder. That would be good, yes?  Well, it might be one solution though it would take quite some time and inclination.  

But when it comes to turning our food into genetic soup, well, I think we need to need to be deeply racist; we keep to keep the genes firmly segregated. Spiders should not mate with tomatoes. No sirree. 

I spent a fair bit of time researching this many years back and what I saw scared the bejesus out of me. Because the thing is, once you let GM loose in the environment, you can’t put it back in the lab. The genie is well and truly out of its bottle.

Yesterday Linda Lazarides, a nutritional expert I’ve known for decades, sent me a message via LinkedIn:  

“Hi Jane, I was horrified to be informed Sainsbury's may be taking a positive stance in favour of GM foods.”

 What?  I checked out the link she sent and it seems that Sainsbury’s brand director had given an ill-advised quote to Farmer’s Weekly saying, in effect, that Sainsbury’s were missing an opportunity to be involved in the GM industry.  The CEO of Sainsbury’s has now apologised and reassured customers that Sainsbury’s will continue to listen to their customers and won't be stocking GM food.  (is it just me that hears 'for now' tacked onto that?)

But I’m not reassured. Not remotely.  Because, even if the UK stands firm, the rest of the world isn’t.  And you can’t contain GM.  You simply cannot have GM and non-GM.  GM contamination of conventional and organic crops is already increasing.  The US rice supply has already been contaminated by a ONE YEAR field trial of GM rice.  In Canada, the organic oilseed rape industry has been destroyed by contamination from GM rape.  In Spain, GM maize is wiping out organic cultivation. The time has come to choose between a GM-based, or a non-GM-based, world food supply. The two can’t co-exist.  The problem is that, if some places choose to grow GM, it affects us all. Effectively we’re all stuffed. 

Why does it worry me?  Because we simply don’t know the environmental consequences or the health consequences.  We have no idea.  It’s an imprecise science with unpredictable outcomes. We have NO idea what GM food could do. There are very few studies on the effects of humans eating GM food (interesting that) but animal studies have shown that GM foods can have toxic effects, including shifts in the immune system, accelerated ageing and genetic alterations.

As toxicologist Dr Suzanne Wuerthele of the EPA (US Environmental Protection Agency) says,  ‘We are confronted with the most powerful technology the world has ever known, and it is being rapidly deployed with almost no thought whatsoever to its consequences.’

Oh but, say the pro-GM brigade, people in the US have been eating GM food for ages with no ill-effects.  But how would they know? They’re not labelled.

So why is it being promoted?  The powerful pro-GM lobby says that it is going to save the world, that GM will feed the world. No. GM food won’t solve the world food crisis.   Expert analysts also doubt the much-touted ability of GM crops to increase crop yields and to decrease or end the need for pesticides.  In fact, data shows that GM crops in the US need more, not less, pesticides.

So then. Why?  Money.  Politics.  What else?  L

It’s your choice of course.  Although, sadly, it won’t be our children’s choice.  They will have no choice. 

My devildaughter, the Mistress of All Evil (coming up to 14) lent me a book recently.  It's a dystopian YA novel called Uglies by Scott Westerfield and it's pretty (ho ho) good.  But the scene that stayed with me, long after I shut the book, was one in which the protagonist, escaping from the 'perfect' world comes across a vast field of beautiful white flowers.  Then, suddenly, a helicopter appears and flame-throwers burn the ground.  Why? she asks. Why did you do that?  Because, the flame thrower explains, the white orchids were once the rarest flowers but genetic modification turned them into the ultimate weed - a monoculture, crowding out every other species of plant and animal.  Biological zero. 

Want to know more?  Probably not.  But should you feel inclined GM Watch is very informative. 

They also have a great links page which will plug you into all the latest research, campaigns and actions, wherever you are.  

We're all racists

‘We’re all racists,’ Bea Campbell said to me, way back in the day. At the time I was affronted.  ‘How can I be a racist?’ I spluttered defensively. ‘My adopted father is part aborigine and my foster sister is West Indian.’ I nearly went on to say, ‘and I have loads of black friends and if I don’t have a black boyfriend it’s not for want of serious trying’ (but, thankfully, I stopped myself).  Bea just looked at me and sighed. 

It took me nigh on twenty years to realise that she was absolutely right. We are all racists.

Of course, on a physiological level, racism is totally absurd, quite risible.  Peel away our skin and you’d have to be a forensic pathologist to tell the difference between us. Our rational, civilised, nice psyche baulks at it too - and quite rightly so. But on a deeper level, psychologically, it’s a very different story.

Of course you’re already spluttering; already planning your defensive/appalled/caustic comment.  Because that’s what we do. We make up our minds before we have even read something through to the end. We jump to conclusions.  We do what I did with Bea Campbell.  And, (particularly when it comes to racism) we tie ourselves in knots (I read Liz Jones’ piece on the Diane Abbott affair with a deeply furrowed brow – in fact I read it three times and still can’t make head nor tail of it).  


I've thought about writing this post several times but over the last few days I've watched the old game play out on the Authonomy forum and so I figured it was time.
 

Anyhow, let’s pull back a bit and look at why we make these boundaries, why we put ourselves in groups, why we have this urge to divide. In fact, let’s not even talk about black and white to begin with…let’s start with something a little less …emotive.

‘Why do you feel so strongly about being Welsh?’ I asked Adrian back during the rugby world cup or whatever when he was in full Cymru am byth (Wales Forever!) mode.  Again. 

‘It’s my heritage,’ he replied with a shrug. ‘It’s what I am; it’s where I come from.’

‘But, see,’ I said.  ‘If you came from the borders, back in time, you would have been – alternatively – Welsh and English.’

‘Well…politically,’ he conceded. ‘But I’d still be Welsh.’  Is that racist?  In that the corollary is ‘and thank feck I’m not bastard English’ then yes, of course it is.  J

But what does it mean to be Welsh?  I looked up ethnicity online and it seems nobody really knows why we do this; there is no *real* reason for our tribalising.  It’s a societal thing. There are a whole bunch of views and, to be very honest, none of them really answered my question.  Take this…which probably came the closest.

"Constructivism" sees both primordialist and perennialist views as basically flawed, and rejects the notion of ethnicity as a basic human condition. It holds that ethnic groups are only products of human social interaction, maintained only in so far as they are maintained as valid social constructs in societies.”

So having tribes helps us hold together as societies. Really?  But it still doesn’t really answer my question.  And then, see, a few days later Adrian was at it again… ‘Bloody South Waleans…’ he muttered.  Not sure what they’d done this time, apart from existing and being south of Dolgellau. ‘Bloody Cardiff. ’  Yup, even the Welsh (a small nation for sure) can’t help dividing itself further – North v South.  And in Llandudno, Adrian’s home town, they do it too.  ‘Oh they’re from up the valley…’ said with a certain element of scorn. ‘Llanwyrst.’ With an eyeroll.

I see it here too – on Exmoor – within our tiny towns.  Dulverton v Bampton.  Within Dulverton itself – cliques, groups, sub-divisions.  If it’s not race, it’s class, or sexuality or politics or – shit knows – football teams, werewolves v vampires. 

So I started looking into sociology and social psychology and there aren’t really any definite answers there either.  We humans compete for material resources or for social rewards, I’m told.  We have a ‘natural inclination’ for aggression and if that aggression is not unleashed on an agreed ‘enemy’ it turns inwards onto our own societies. 

Rene Girard saw ‘collective violence as sacred’; as the ‘great remedy’ for communal life.  He talked about the scapegoat as ‘absorbing all the internal tensions, feuds, and rivalries pent up within the community…a deliberate act of collective substitution.’ Scapegoat?  Yes. We have lynched and burned and gassed the scapegoat many the time before.  Hold that thought – I’ll come back to it. 

But really, why is conflict latent at our core? 

Psychically, I think, it’s because we’re set up to divide things into two. Me and you; us and them.  Difference is part of the human condition. If we didn't feel different, we would be One. We wouldn’t be here.  We’d have moved on.  We see the world in twos so we can make choices; so we can say No.  Two is freedom.  Yet, paradoxically, it is also irresolvable conflict, standoffs, stalemates, obstinacy.  So One is impossible and Two is a pain in the arse. Is there a solution?  Think about that word and hold that thought. 

Meanwhile, back on the Authonomy forum a big brave knight jousted a dragon (I mean, a filthy racist).  Did he ask the dragon what it was doing? Did he seek to understand why the dragon said what it did? No.  Instead he chose to hit the ‘report abuse’ button and incited the mob (I mean, other members of the forum) to do likewise.  And, because racism is such an emotive word and we’re all so damn scared of it, people did just that and the government booted the dragon off the site. 

'Hurrah,’ yelled the crowd, waving their pitchforks.  ‘We killed the dragon.’ 

‘No,’ said the brave knight, polishing his spear. ‘I was the dragon slayer.’ 

And then it all got very messy indeed as, having made one scapegoat, they felt better for a bit but then a few people went, ‘Huh?’ and so they hunted around for another one and found another guy (this time he just happened to be black) and started all over again with him. 

But really.  Why do we scapegoat? Because it’s far more comfortable to point a finger at someone and go ‘Look! Filthy racist’ than to confront the racism, the separation within ourselves.  There was an opportunity, on that forum, for people to feel the discomfort in what they saw as racism and to explore that feeling; to try, maybe to understand its source rather than just push it under, squash it down…again.  This is contentious, I know, but truly – have our other ways of dealing with racism worked? 

I believe there was an opportunity to look at the ‘field’- what Arnold Mindell calls the unconscious, collective, polarised patterns that lie behind racism and collective conflict.  To engage in ‘worldwork’, working with the psychosocial fields that reach beyond boundaries of race. To use a little deep democracy (in which all voices are heard – both those around us and those inside us – often they’re the same!).  As Mindell puts it: ‘Deep democracy is based upon the realisation that everyone is needed to represent reality. A sense of justice arises only in connection with community, with inner peace of mind, sustainable ongoing relationships, and worldwork that processes the tensions between groups.’  

It’s interesting stuff – check out The Global Process Institute & Worldwork website at www.worldwork.org  I’m not sure I agree with all of what he says but it’s a bloody good start.

But people didn’t question; they didn’t look within. More correctly, they didn’t look between.  In alchemy, separation is the process of establishing Two.  You and me.  Us and them. The next stage is Conjunction.  People mistake this – they see it as the two becoming one. No. Conjunction is reaching Three – you, me and Between.  Yes, it’s subtle, I know. But just think about it.  I reckon it’s the saving grace.

Meanwhile, about that particular filthy dragon.  Is he a racist?  No more than you or I.  And, actually, if people knew his ancestry, they might be very very surprised. J

Okay, I've said my piece...over to you... 

Lie back and relax...

Okay, so this may surprise you but I don’t believe in January detoxing. I don’t believe in harsh resolutions.  I don’t believe in punishing regimes.  Sheesh, guys, this is January.  JANUARY!  Some of you are lucky enough to live in lovely warm places but for those of us who don’t, the last thing our bodies need is being brutalised right now.

I worry that by focusing on this idea of ‘detoxing’ as a short sharp process, we’re missing out on longterm health and wellbeing.  Far better, surely, to shift your mindset so you simply don’t want to tox your body, your mind, your spirit anymore?

And, anyhow, when it’s cold outside and lonely inside, the last thing you need is more stricture. Which is why I buck the trend and make January pampering month.  I don’t eat crap but I do tend to eat slightly more than usual; warm nourishing food. Alright, so that’s mainly dhal – because, dear God, I do love dhal.  Yes, I work out and I am beyond grateful that Zumba and Kettlercise have started up again.  But you wouldn’t catch me pounding the pavements at dawn (but, hey, if you enjoy it, go for it).

Those of you who know me will know I’m not remotely high maintenance.  Even if I weren’t broke I wouldn’t spend a fortune on clothes or stuff generally.  If I lost all my worldly goods tomorrow it wouldn’t really bother me – in fact, I’d likely feel quite liberated.  But the one thing I would lament would be my bath. 

I figure the world is divided between those who shower and those who bath.  Don’t get me wrong: if you’re hot and sweaty after a morning workout, the shower’s the place. But, come evening, my before bedtime ritual always involves a hot deep bath.  Immersion in water.  Total immersion in water – yeah, sometimes I go under and make like a mermaid…it’s a habit started in childhood and hard to break. J  But mainly I just float.

Y’know how I was talking about being solutions the other day? Well, water is the universal solvent.  A glass of water is charged particles dancing – a fandango of minerals and elements.  We are composed of 85 percent water and water makes up nine tenths of our blood, plasma, lymph, urine, saliva…even our cerebrospinal fluid, even our synovial fluid.

Check out any creation story and water will be there…  Check out pretty well any ancient culture and there will be rituals for bathing. Check out any form of spirituality and water flows through.  Look at the work of Japanese photographer Masuro Emoto who photographed the effects of loving words and prayers versus harsh and harming words and thoughts on frozen water crystals.  The thoughts that harmed produced forbidding whirls while the prayer created lacelike formations. Check out old Leonard Orr who discovered rebirthing in his tub.  Look all over the world – from the Mayan cenotes to the banias of Russia; from the Turkish hammam to the Jewish mikvah; from Hindu temple bathing to the Japanese cult of the bath.

Ah, I could go on and on.   There are a million and one ways you can bathe. A gazillion rituals and routines for physical health and psychological wellbeing.  Me?  I tend just to soak and muse; to relax into the breath and to let my mind wander in pleasant places.

Yes, I add unguents.  Of course I do. But never nasty synthetic stuff – I don’t get why anyone would want to bath in chemicals.  I’m supremely lucky in that I get sent a fair amount of bath products for testing.  Some I quietly lose to the local raffle but some I just adore...

These are my keepers...  

Aromatherapy Associates – I still adore their Deep Relax bath oil but lately I’ve been quite turned onto their Support blend (lavender and peppermint) 

Ila-spa – Sheer, total decadence.  Their rose Bath Oil for Glowing Radiance is an all-time favourite. One of these days I must also test out their salts. 

Weleda – Seriously good prices for lovely pure scents.  Their lavender is a world away from sickly synthetics – deeply calming. 

REN – It’s the Morrocan Rose otto bath oil here – divine. Complete the experience by using their scrub beforehand for silky skin. 

Connock London – Their soothing bath oil is heaven – a more exotic scent than the others with oils of kukui, macadamia and tamanu. I massage this one into my skin first and then soak in the bath – it leaves the whole body decadently soft. 

Taer – This Icelandic company has a range that looks as beautiful as it smells and feels.  I’m in thrall to the Glacier Bath Oil that somehow makes your body feel hot and cold at the same time! Not to be used during pregnancy or if you’re breastfeeding.  

Think those are the main ones. Having road-tested Pukka Herb’s (www.pukkaherbs.com) new ayurvedic skincare range (it’s excellent) I’m really hoping they will come up with some bath goodies soon.

However, if you can’t run to purpose-bought potions, never fear.  If I run out, there’s no way I reach for the synthetic stuff. I’d rather use a couple of drops of essential oil mixed with a little milk.  Or pop a few drops of essential oil (lavender or citrus scents work well) on a handful of salts (a mix of sea salt and Epsom salts works well).

Then just lie back….and dream…   Happy January. 

Connections...

Did you look out for signs over the Twelve Days?  Those inbetween, interstitial, liminal days?  Did you snatch a glimpse of the year ahead by paying attention to the oracles all around you?  I did.  Well, of course I did.  What did I see?  Let’s not go there.  Let’s just say it’s going to be an interesting year. 

One word kept coming up again and again. Connection.  And one symbol kept coming up over and over.  A web.  It culminated in the beautiful image Caitlin Matthews posted on Facebook of not one, but several webs, webs within webs.  The Web of Wyrd.  That links everything, everyone.  Touch the edge of a web and the reverberations are felt throughout the entire structure.  For yes, we are all connected.  Each and every one of us.

I watch the interwebs (there we go again) and I see people who are scared; who are worried about the world. They are scared about what we’re doing to the environment; to the economy; to one another. And they have good reason to be concerned.  We are doing terrible things to our beautiful world.  We do terrible things to one another. We do terrible things to ourselves.

Several months back I remember saying to Marek, ‘How can we save the world?’ and he replied. ‘We can’t. We can only save ourselves.’  And I thought about it and I figured he was absolutely right.  For, truly, you can’t ever change other people. You can only change yourself.  I'm not talking about being selfish; about ignoring what is going on in the world - far from it.  It's simply that you cannot force people to change; you cannot make them see the world your way. No matter how much you would love them to do so. 
In Symphonic Bridges, Marek puts it like this...
"I wish my parents would choose to join me in my spiritual exploration. I wish they would decide to take up the rejuvenation and longevity. The latter  doesn’t make sense without the former, of(f) course. I wish my mother would learn to swim and ride a bike finally. Even at the age of eighty or something. I wish I didn’t think that I should have rather used Simple Past tense after all the above ‘I wish’s’. Wishful thinking… 

Wishing is all I can do really. I can’t even persuade my sons that eating meat is bad for them. Will they blame me in the future for my not being strict enough with them about it now. If they ever go on vegetarian diet. Maybe I should just make them give up this barbarian habit. But wouldn’t it be a violation of their freedom of choice? We all have free will. Though freedom ends where our decision would lead to hurting other people.

Therefore, I choose to avoid enforcement of any ‘spiritual imperatives’. Instead of telling my wife, children, parents and other people what they have to do to live a better life, I just keep setting a good example. That’s what I believe it is anyway."

And that's just talking about simple things like diet.  We're contrary creatures - the moment someone says we 'should' do something, we tend to want to do the polar opposite.  Look at the storm in a teacup today over the government telling us how much alcohol we should be drinking - or rather not drinking.  Look how defensive the US becomes over genetically engineered food or carbon emissions.  We don't like being told off.  
But if we all changed…?  If we all became alchemists…?  If we all saw beyond the greed and the need and the fear and the defensiveness?  Oh then, then…who knows what would happen?  Remember the tale of the hundredth monkey?  

And at Zumba the other night, Debbie played this as our cool-down track…

And this morning, on Twitter, lovely Melpomene played a Cat Stevens track which made me think of this…

And this…

Yeah, it always adds up to one thing…  Love.  Just Love.  

Resolutions? Solutions?

2012, eh? I’ve been a long way away, a long way awhen…  So forgive me while I come back, while I come to.  It may take some time... 

Resolutions?  We toss the word around but what are resolutions? A breaking into parts, a reducing of things into simpler forms.  Where does the root of resolution come from? Solvere, the Latin verb that means to loosen, to untie.  What is a solution?  Solutio – the resolution of a difficulty.  In chemistry, a liquid containing a dissolved substance.  In alchemy… Well…

I dunno, you can pursue this if it interests you. If it doesn’t, just skip to the music (it says the same anyway, just in a different way). I’m simply throwing out thoughts…images…words…  I can't tell you anything.  Only you can tell you. 

Today, I wonder.  What does it mean, to dissolve? To become a solution?  Resolution of a difficulty? The end of Self, of separation?  Purification?  Knowledge of our consciousness/ subconsciousness/ unconsciousness?  Clear running water dissolving the elements of the rocks through which it passes.  Clarity of thought and action.  Letting go of poison, of toxicity, releasing the rigidity of the past, of our inheritance (what MaSte would call our genetic and contextual conditioning) our ‘karma’.  And finally, of course, the river leads to the sea, the wide open sea.  The Great Sea.  Mara.  Binah.  Emotions - of all kinds.  'Bad' as well as 'good'. Acceptance. 

So, anyway.  You wanna resolve? You want to be a solution?  Yeah, me too. J