Thursday 5 February 2015

What type of ice-cream are you? And other questions you might get asked at a job interview

I can’t remember the last time I went for a job interview so I was amused, and somewhat puzzled, by the kind of questions that are now being asked by potential bosses.  None of that old ‘And what do you think you’d bring to the job’ stuff – apparently now it’s all ‘What dinosaur would you like to be?’ or ‘Who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman?’  Or ‘If a hippo falls into a hole how would you get it out?’ Or even, ‘What type of ice-cream are you?’

WTF?  According to the Association of Accounting Technicians (no, I have no idea who they are either) the questions are designed to see whether you’ll freeze or flourish when confronted with the unexpected. 

Aimee Batemann, spokeswoman for the AAT said, ‘The best way to maintain composure and reduce the chances of embarrassment is to try to prepare for every possibility.’  Oh, get real Aimee!  How the hell can you think of every possible weird or downright barmy question you might get asked?   

Anyhow.  I thought the questions were rather good fun so, in an idle five minutes (waiting for a hippo to extricate itself from a hole) I answered the ones that are apparently doing the rounds of the, er, accounting world.

Q: If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be and why? 
A: A tomato – unable to decide exactly what I am.

Q: Who is your favourite Doctor Who? 
A: Pass.  Can we talk about my favourite James Bond instead?  Or better still, just look at him?  By the way, if you Google 'naked Daniel Craig' (as one might do) I should warn you that there's some very bad Photoshopping out there.  
Q: What would you do if you caught a member of staff kissing the boss?
A: Tap my nose at the boss and start taking very long lunch breaks.

Q: Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit?
A: Neither.  It’s an abomination.

Q: Would you rather know a lot about a little or a little about a lot?
A: Knowledge is overrated.  However much you think you know, you can never really know.  I hope I have learned the wisdom (and hopefully the humility) of having a beginner’s mind.

Q: Do you like to sing in the bath? 
A: No.  I like to bathe in the bath.

Q: Which three celebrities would you like to join you for a night out?
A: Hell would freeze over before I a) voluntarily had a night out and b) asked celebrities to join me.

Q: What would you do if the sun died out?
A:  Moon bathe (in furs).  

Oh, the other ones?  If I had to be a dinosaur I’d go for velociraptor (Jurassic Park did a fine job on their PR).  Superman, doh (though if it were a question of which one I’d snog, it’s Batman all the way).  The hippo?  Call Hippo Rescue, I suppose. And the ice cream?  What kind of stupid bloody question is that?  

Did I get the job? 

Okay.  Your turn.  


Expat mum said...

Ugh, that kind of thing really annoys me. HR or whatever the heck it's called these days - oh yes, Talent Management, drives me nuts, - possibly because I used to work in that field and sat in on the stupid meetings. Directives to adopt things like "What vegetable are you?" usually come from someone at the top of the company who read about it, and then just issued a company-wide edict. The HR people themselves are probably cringing.
*steps off soapbox*

Exmoorjane said...

Talent management? You're kidding me? Please tell me you're kidding me.
And when did Personnel become HR? I am too old, too too too old. :)

internetg33k said...

At hubby's company, it's called HR (Human Resources). It's sounds ominously like something in Soylent Green.

Q: If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be and why?
A: Stealing your tomato answer, because it's brilliant.

Q: Who is your favourite Doctor Who?
A: That's like asking which child is my favorite. No fairsies.

Q: What would you do if you caught a member of staff kissing the boss?
A: Walk away. I'm not the morality police. I mean, are they both single? Are they in open relationships? Was it sexual harassment or consensual? Too complex for my pay grade. They would, however, end up in some way being featured in one of my stories (anonymously, of course).

Q: Is a Jaffa Cake a cake or a biscuit?
A: Never heard of it, but it sounds like the question, "Who's buried in Grant's tomb?"

Q: Would you rather know a lot about a little or a little about a lot?
A: Yes.

Q: Do you like to sing in the bath?
A: Hate baths - much prefer showers. And, yes.

Q: Which three celebrities would you like to join you for a night out?
A: One might be kind of cool - three would be a nightmare. And we're right back to the Doctor Who kind of question.

Q: What would you do if the sun died out?
A: Do you have a basic understanding of how the Universe works?

Dino - I actually was pretty obsessed with dinosaurs as a kid. I knew all kinds of facts about them. That knowledge is now buried somewhere under 80's song lyrics. But I'd be some kind of flying dino.

Agree with Superman, though he'd be the one I'd kiss as well.

Hippo - Again, agreed. I'd call in the experts.

Ice cream - Not going to try to fit my personality into some clever ice cream flavor. However, my favorite is mocha chocolate chip - analyze that to your heart's content.

Fun stuff, Jane! :)

Sessha Batto said...

Hmmm, it is now clearer than ever that I will never again hold a real job!! Now, to the questions. . .

1) fruit or veg. . . cauliflower, white and wrinkly, that's me

2) Tom Baker will always be the true doctor in my mind

3) ignore it, as I ignore all uncomfortable public display of affection

4) don't eat cake or biscuit so it does not matter

5) my goal has always been to know a lot about a lot ;)

6) showers, not baths, and no singing

7) no night out, certainly not with three people!!

8) die, like everything on the planet

Dino - I am not knowledgeable about Dinos, something small and blood thirsty

Hippo -winch

Ice cream - green tea, not too sweet!

Batman, angsty and conflicted is my thing after all!!

Frances said...

Jane, over the years I've interviewed quite a few job applicants, and would never have asked questions like those. I always wanted to ask questions that took way more than one or two words to answer, and would give me some insight into the person's character, experience, attitude and so forth.

I liked to get the folks talking, and not just about themselves.

Ahh well. Since I stepped down from being a manager, I don't have to do those sorts of interviews any more.


Anonymous said...

PL US...

A Cheetah walks through the jungle. Suddenly, he hears someone calling for help, follows the sound of the dramatic voice, and soon finds an Elephant at the bottom of a huge hole in the ground.
'Please help me get out!' begs the Elephant.
The Cheetah reaches out his paw, the Elephant grasps it and they struggle for a while...
'No, I can't', the Cheetah gives up finally. 'You're too heavy. Let me get my friend, Jaguar. The two of us should be strong enough to save you.'
After half an hour, he comes back with his friend and they soon manage to pull the poor Elephant out together.
About a week later, the Cheetah falls into the same rift! The Elephant, who happens to be nearby, hastens to the rescue. When he gets there, he turns round and slowly walks backwards to stand astride over the narrower end of the hole in the ground.
'C'mon! Grasp my member!' shouts the Elephant. The Cheetah hesitates for a moment but then follows the rescuer's instruction and gets saved...

Moral: If you have a big member, you don't need a Jaguar.

LL Cool Joe said...

Nice answers. I did answer these questions on my blog at one time but I can't remember where. :D