Sometimes
life seems hard. Damn hard. You know the
beauty is out there/in here but you just can’t see/hear/smell/touch/taste it.
You can still feel but it hurts.
Everything turns to ash.
And,
no matter how much you sleep, you are simply tired, bone tired – physically,
emotionally, spiritually. And you know
it’s only you that can change how you feel, even if you cannot change the
physical essence of it.
In
the past I would probably have drunk or eaten myself to oblivion, or lost
myself in TV or trashy books or cried me a river. Now I just meditate. Nothing fancy. Just following the breath. You know – inhale, exhale. Or rather, inhale –
pause – exhale – pause. Sometimes longer; sometimes shorter – just quietly observing
where it wants to go; not forcing it; just letting it be. Sometimes for hours
and hours. And it’s…beautiful.
Am
I suggesting you try it if you’re feeling crap; if life is playing dodgeball with you? Only if you want. ‘Oh, I would but I can’t meditate…’ I can hear you, y’know. *smile*
Then all I can say is maybe try taking it moment by
moment. Once, years back, when I was in
Italy, visiting my dear old friend the Contessa, I was consumed, eaten, gnawed
at, by anxiety. It was so overwhelming I thought I would die – every minute. And she said: ‘Take each moment and ask
yourself: “Am I alright now? Am I alright this very second?”’ This very second. And, weirdly, I
found I was. And, if you're really honest, you usually are – sort of.
And
if you string each okay moment onto the next okay moment, like links on a chain, you…kinda meditate actually.
Anyhow,
there you go. And there you are. Alright?
