I am not a niche...sorry and all that...

pic by the beautiful and talented Solange Noir

We are what we are.  We may run away from ourselves; we may try to hide; we may put up a good façade; we may shelter behind an image – but ultimately, is there any point?  You look around and there you are.

My dear friend Sarah Dening used to say that we all need the persona, the outward ‘mask’ to function in society and she was right. In as far as our society is the way it is.  And today, on the loo, I read a piece about Joan Collins in Red magazine – about how she was in court as her normal self and was getting trodden all over and then someone said to her: ‘Be Alexis’ (if you are young, you won’t know, but this was her ‘mean as a rattler kickass bitch’ character in the TV show Dynasty) and she did and she won. 

I can still put on the mask if I need to.  I can (I think) still play at ‘professional journalist’ or ‘sensible author’ when I need to; but increasingly, and particularly outside work, I can’t be arsed with the masks.  And, above all, I can’t be arsed with masks when it comes to this blog. 

I keep reading stuff about ‘positioning your blog’; about ‘becoming a brand’; about ‘owning your niche’.  Shit, in the time it’s taken me to write this, I’ve had someone follow me on Twitter offering to help build my status, to make me an authority. Feck off, mate. Not interested.

Because, see, this blog is where I don’t have to worry about editors, about writing to a specific brief, in a certain style, to a demographic.  I have struggled for years over this question of Who I Am When I Blog (or when I do anything really).  And I have slowly come to the realisation that, actually, it is perfectly okay to be a weird contradiction, that’s it’s fine not to be ‘on message’ all the time, that – truly – one doesn’t have to be ‘niche’…if one doesn’t want to be. 

You don’t have to be a brand. 

For sure, if you’re courting a particular audience or want to blog for a particular market, then fine, brand yourself to kingdom come, find that  niche. It may feel nice and warm and cosy, in which case - great. It may feel a little uncomfortable, you might need to squish yourself into it - in which case, maybe have a ponder.  But for me (and, I suspect) a lot of people – it’s just about thinking out loud.  And, sorry, I don’t just think in one particular way.

So I can blog about being a mother, about that weird concept that is parenting.  And I can blog about ridiculous things like sexualising kitchen implements and trying out ludicrous control garments because, hey, sometimes stupid things amuse me.  And I can blog about books and gaming; about fitness and food; about shoes and breakfast cereals and nice aromatherapy oils.  I can blog about spirituality and religion and mysticism and weirdy beardy stuff.  All of it.  Any of it.  Cos, hey, it’s my blog.  And if you don’t like that, that’s fine – you don’t have to read it.  I won’t be offended.  And yeah, I know that means I won't get sponsorship deals or get sent on fancy trips (except...hmmm ) but hey, that's not why I do it.  

I know I lose people sometimes. Okay, a lot. J Some people like the funny stuff and wander off, twirling a finger around their heads, when I go mystical.  Or they love the spiritual stuff and freak out when I swear or talk about sex. But, hey, I happen to feel they’re all mixed up, muddled up, tangled up like cosmic spaghetti and to separate the sex from the spirituality, the humour from the hagiography (okay, struggling with my alliteration there) is to miss something rather important about God/Goddess/Whatever the Fuck you want to call It.  If you want a slightly more coherent take on this, you could add a few pennies to the coffers of the Bonkers House and buy my book, The Energy Secret, now available on wondrous Kindle, thanks to the stern goddess who is Kim Jewell.

Anyhow…that’s it really. 

Forgive me if I’m not quite coherent.  I’ve been off visiting strange places again and am still not quite fully back here in the normal world.  Normal service will be resumed, I promise…there will be breakfast cereal, and dog kibble and doubtless more general weirdness and hopefully some more sexy innuendo-laden kitchen appliances (dear gods of PR send me a toaster before I burn another bagel).  If you’re very good, there may even be a bed of nails…

Oh, and in the middle of my mad three days, I was sent an email which said: "Watch this…" and I did…and it’s really rather wonderful… and fits in rather delightfully with all this business of who we are and who we’re supposed to be…and what is important, and what isn’t… It's a film, btw...so you'll need some time... 

Breathe damnit!

There’s this blog post I keep wanting to write but, every time, each and every time I start, something stops me. Ah well….never mind.

I went to the gym yesterday after walking the SP. Got on the exercise bike to warm up and it was like peddling through treacle. I didn’t have one bit of energy, not one bit. But I figured I could work through it, just keep going. Anyhow, I wanted to try out the new TRX. So I peddled on and got talking to the woman on the bike next to me. ‘Gonna try out the TRX?’ I said.
‘Nope,’ she replied. ‘It’s my first time back; I’ve been ill, so I’ve gotta take it easy.’
‘Oh, sorry to hear that,’ I said. ‘What was wrong?’
‘Pleurisy. Viral pleurisy.’ Ouch.

Then someone else came in, but in mufti, not gym gear. I hadn’t seen her for absolutely ages.
‘Hey, you! Long time, no see… What’s been going on?’
‘Pleurisy,’ she said.

If you wondered - this is the TRX

No shit.
And we chatted for a bit – about doctors and shrinks and floatation and diet and so on. And then she said. ‘Bottom line, I didn’t listen to my body.’

And I thought about that, as I half-heartedly went round the weight machines, every muscle crying quietly. But thought is all mind, right? And then I strapped myself into the TRX and did some planks – and then started doing crunches and then – right there – in mid-air, my body just shouted: ‘For pity’s sake, woman, enough already!!’

So I untangled myself, came home and went on Twitter and asked: ‘Do we listen to our bodies?’
And Twitter said: ‘No. Because my body alternates screaming at me "stop eating!" with "eat more!" :-/’
And Twitter also said: ‘My body tells me to sit on the couch and drink coffee.’
And Twitter said: ‘My body is shouting “Give me cake, chocolate and Ben&Jerrys!”
But does it? Is it? Is it really?

Cos that’s it, isn’t it? Mind tells us one thing; but body can talk a totally different language, if we learn to listen.

I’ve recently put an old book of mine, The Energy Secret, up on Amazon in Kindle format and in that I went through a series of stuff that might help us get in touch with our bodies. Note to self: sometimes you should follow your own advice, Jane. Not often – but sometimes.

And then I opened emails and read through one from a dear friend who has pulmonary edema right now and sighed. All these people with lung problems. Breathing. So fundamental we don’t even think about it very often; we just take it for granted.

I wrote about that too in The Energy Secret. About how there is a yoga proverb that says: “Life is in the breath. Therefore he who only half breathes, half lives.” The Buddhist tradition regards every breath and giving new life and every exhalation as a little death. In fact, look at pretty well every ancient system of healing, every branch of spirituality and will find lessons in the lungs. Breath for thought, eh? There are a whole batch of exercises you can use to shift energy, to change your physiology, your state of mind.

But really I like Bija Bennett’s approach best. Bija is a yoga teacher and writer and her little book Breathing Into Life is very lovely…it doesn’t ‘instruct’ per se, it’s more like breathing medication/meditation, with each page like a poem.  Like this...

Breathing into Life

Most likely
if you
happen
to fall into a lake
you may
remember to breathe
and
for a moment
fully appreciate
your life
and your breath.

Her breathings are both poetic and (quite literally) inspirational – with lovely titles like The Wave, About the Sun and the Moon, A Daily Bath, The River Flows, In a Cage, Reach in the Dark, Absolute Uncertainty, Ride the Waves, Return to the Well, Secret Spirit, The Disappearing Act.

Ah, I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Flogging someone else’s book, rather than my own. Ah well. What goes around comes around eh?
I emailed Bija to ask her if she'd mind my reproducing one more…and she came right back and said "Of course! Use whatever you want!!" Which didn't surprise me in the slightest.  And I was so pleased as, see, all those people with lung problems, I reckon fear often has something to do with it…fear of feeling, fear of life...and this is all about just that… 

Dive Deep

Don’t be afraid to feel afraid.

Leave the safety of your sanctuary
and wander into something rare.
Instead of pulling away
turn around and face it. Because whatever happens
you won’t die. (You might cry or laugh, but you won’t die.)

Pay attention to what is going on inside you and
dive deep
into the depths of your fear.
Even when it feels like you are drowning
keep the agreement with yourself
to go deeper. Keep breathing.
The other side of fear is love.

Redirect your attention and change the pressure within yourself.
Don’t doubt, get discouraged, and stop the loving.
Feel into the feeling in your heart.
Really breathe fully
and continue to let it circulate and swell.
Allow a simple love of life to emerge.

Take time with it. Go further.
Expand the currents of your breath inside you and around you.
Discover more flow.
It may well be that you need to work through a lot of tensions.
And that’s all right. But the purpose is not just to work through them
but to move beyond them.

Your breath is the vehicle that moves you through.

Diving deep
inside
you’ll find
that your love is what’s really alive.






Note: Bija tells me that she's creating a new site which sounds really exciting... make a note of this URL and see how it develops...