In which prudish Pinterest slaps me on the wrist

So I got an email from Pinterest.

“Hi eJane Alexander,
We removed a pin from your account because it contained nudity. It was originally pinned from the following address: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_macfecS6W41qjuse9o1_500.jpg.
We don't allow nudity—photos that show breasts, buttocks or genitalia—on Pinterest. This applies to pins on both public and secret boards.
Please remove any other pins you've added that contain nudity. If you don't follow our policies, your account could be suspended.
On behalf of the Pinterest community, we thank you for understanding.
The Pinterest Team”

Ouch. I felt like I’d been called into the headteacher’s office and chastised for, I dunno, smoking behind the bike sheds or locking a teacher in the music cupboard (guilty as charged for the latter; perfectly innocent on the former).

Actually I felt a bit embarrassed as, let’s be frank, some of my pins are in pretty poor taste. Like, er...the puddle people or those poor guys with stomachs that dangle on the floor. Why do they fascinate me so?  I dunno.  I know they shouldn’t but they do. However, when I plucked up courage to look at the offensive image, I found…this…

And, er...this is offensive?  In what way?  What exactly is wrong with nudity? With the human body devoid of clothes? I don’t pin porn (a sentence, come to think of it, that I could not have used until a year or so ago) - and I think this is rather beautiful.  For pity's sake, if you're being picky you can't even see any buttocks or breasts, and any genitalia present are deeply...shadowed.
And, see, what I don’t get is that it’s fine to pin stuff that (IMO) is pretty tasteless and tacky (and some might say offensive) as long as any erogenous zones are clothed.

So... this is fine...

Why? I mean, WHY?

But this isn't...

by Brad Miller...

This is perfectly acceptable...

He looks a bit familiar actually...from Authonomy maybe?

As is this...

I will never EVER complain about my boobs again.

But this, presumably, is not?

Put a furry thong on it for heaven's sake! 

Do you get it?  Cos I don't.  I really don't.  btw, for the sake of your eyes I restrained from posting more extreme examples.  If you want to see the really eye-popping stuff you'll have to do your own research.  

Swollen Testicles v the Moon

Okay, so I’ve been trying, I really have.  I watch everyone on Twitter, chatting about TV, and I figure, maybe I’m missing out here.  Maybe I should join in.  I mean, I do watch TV a bit – but it’s usually Top Gear or The Gadget Show or The Simpsons to keep James company – and I’ll only have half an eye on Jeremy Clarkson (unless he’s driving a particularly juicy motor) cos I’ll be balancing on my fitball and waving a kettlebell over my head (yup, those triceps still need a bit of work). 

But the other night I thought, no, give it a go.  So I sat on the sofa, turned on and – OMG – there was a vast swollen scrotum staring me in the eye.  For one bizarre moment I wondered if James had signed us up for some Sky package that involved porn channels, except no…this was not even remotely erotic (unless you get off on infected scrota of course – and, don’t tell me, some people probably do). 

I then watched, slack-jawed, some poor man having six stone – SIX STONE! – of stomach “apron” excised.  Six stone? Sorry, I keep repeating it but you know, that’s a large child. I don’t think I will ever expunge that image. 

It was about four times this size, btw

But really.  This is entertainment?  This is what we choose to do with our evenings?  Well, obviously because last night I found myself back on the sofa switching on again, with puzzled yet morbid fascination.  This time it was the women’s turn.  One poor girl had her humungous breasts lopped off and we got to see a woman with a prolapsed vagina expelling a squirt of urine up close.  In fact, the director liked the pee shot so much, we got it three times, until the woman finally managed to splash the consultant in the eye. 

Now, I’m not remotely squeamish.  I’ve watched operations up close; I’ve staunched a severed artery with my bare hands (not my own artery, I hasten to add) and I begged a surgeon to let me watch my own emergency C-section (he refused, the spoilsport) but, but, but…no.  Just no.   I turned away.

The moon was so huge, so bright.  It was flirting through the window at me, singing a love song to me and I just couldn't resist.  So I switched off the TV and walked out into the garden.  The daisies were shining like a reflection of stars.  The moon stroked my face so I lay down on the damp grass, stretched out and smelled earth and roses and lilies and the faintest hint of woodsmoke.  I felt the earth beneath me and gazed up at the clear night sky as the last vestiges of light faded to slate. For once I didn't go hurtling out into the darkness - I was content just to hang...just to hold the earth's hand and spin with it through space.

I so love moonlight.  Do you?  Do you ever really appreciate it?  Have you ever walked in the woods at night?  Your eyes adjust, you know – you don’t need a flashlight…  You see, you hear, you smell, you feel so much… Have you ever swum in a river at night?  Slid softly through black water?   Have you ever floated in the sea under the stars, your body caressed by moon and wave, floating in a nowhere place, twixt elements, inbetween time?  Oh, I know, I know….dangerous…  Oh whatever.  It’s beautiful, just beautiful…so beautiful….

….a million worlds away from the images on my TV screen.

For some reason Blogger won't let me embed a vid here:  but when I think of seas and floating this is the song that plays in my head:  it's Song to the Siren  by This Mortal Coil and it is just plain gorgeous.

It’s okay, btw – I know I’m weird, I know this isn’t the norm.  And I’m not judging or condemning, really I’m not.  It’s just…why?  Why do we watch TV?  Is it entertainment, escapism, bonding, numbing?  Honestly, I’d love to know. 

The show, btw#2, was Embarrassing Bodies and, having taken a look at their website I can see they do probably help demystify stuff and so on...and encourage people to see their GPs and check their bodies and....oh heck, there's a penis gallery and a vulva gallery....no, really, there is.  Jeez, sometimes you have to wonder about our bodies - I mean, couldn't they be a bit more aesthetic?  Couldn't someone run a competition or something - design decent-looking sex apparatus?