Facebook? Fakebook? Freakbook? F***book?

So Facebook has plans for a $10bn share offering?  443 million people log on daily and Mark Zuckerberg has got first one, then two billion in his sights. That’s kinda freaky. I’ll be honest, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Mainly I detest it. In fact, it pretty much pisses me off on a daily basis.  On the whole, it’s just the sheer inanity of the thing. The same funny pictures doing the rounds; the same quizzes and memes; the same plugs for books and services; the same ‘Yippee, my book is now #523 in true life dog stories (toy breed subsection) on Amazon.’  Oh God, does that sound horribly cynical?

I hate the way the ads show that they’re monitoring your likes and dislikes, grabbing your information and squirreling it for future use. I don’t get the causes thing. Yes, I’m against child pornography; no, I don’t think homophobia is particularly clever; but how does my clicking a button on Facebook change anything?  Where’s the practical change here?  I guess you'd argue it's about raising awareness but, really, is it more that it make us feel better; that it's a way of showing we’re decent people, part of the tribe?? Am I missing something? Please tell me if so.

I hate the invasiveness of its apps – the way it nabs what people are listening to on Spotify or what they’re reading in the Guardian and spews it out to all and sundry.  I can’t stand the ‘join my event’ malarkey.  Sometimes I sit with a glazed expression, watching the moving sidebar thingy, with the lols and pmsls and endless cute kittens and inspirational quotes and just feel nauseous.  Like, like, like, like.  Bleugh, bleugh, bleugh, bleugh. Don’t get me started on games.  I. Don’t. Do. Games. No, not Farmville, not Bejewelled, not Scrabulous, not none of ‘em. Not noway. Not nohow.  I did my stint on Farmville for James and that cured me for life.  Jeez, am I grumpy old bag or what? J

lightwork.org 

So, why do I stay on it?  Why don’t I just delete the whole thing?  Well, I did…a while back.  And then realised I was cutting off my nose to spite my face.  Because sometimes it’s damn useful.  For example, my fitness gurus put updates on their FB profiles so yesterday I avoided a wasted trip down to the river for kettlebells cos I knew that Trisha couldn’t get down cos of the ice. Handy. Equally there are family members that, for some strange (but I’m sure good) reasons all of their own, don’t do other forms of communication – so I can keep in touch with them in a surreal sort of way – even if talking to a Buddha rather than a real face is slightly weird. And other people I love are on it and it’s a way to keep in touch with them.

One thing I did a while back was clean out my timeline. Totally. Removed pretty well all my pictures too. It’s not that I had anything particularly incriminating or shameful on it – just that I realised I didn’t want my entire life, likes and dislikes available on-line. This blog is quite enough angsting and splurging and making an arse of myself!

Sometimes I do wonder if it’s a young thing.  My son loves Facebook.  He says it makes him feel part of the pack.  Hmm, maybe that’s why I don’t like it. I figure it’s a good way to introduce him to the potential pitfalls of the Internet. I don’t hang over him all the time but he knows that Adrian or I might drop in unannounced any time and that seems to be enough to keep him from going crazy. If one of his friends posts something a bit…inappropriate, it’s a good opportunity to talk about stuff.  Though of course it begs the question, do you mention it to the child’s parents? Hmm.

I also drummed into him that he must ONLY accept friend requests from people he knows in real life. Okay, so you could say that’s hypocritical of me but there’s a helluva difference between worldweary old me and a 13-year old lad. I’ve tutored him in the avoidance of viruses and phishing scams. Do I let him on my timeline? No. Because my list is relatively wide open, sometimes people publish stuff I wouldn’t want him to see.  Likewise, I don’t accept friend requests from under-18s.  Of course, if your account is family-only (or you don't have friends like mine), that’s something quite different. 

James is pretty canny. His friends aren’t always so switched-on.  I think I told you the story of one lad who came over and boasted he had a coupla hundred friends.  When I took a closer look my hair nearly turned white.  We did a lot of unfriending that afternoon. 

I keep an eye on the addiction thing too.  Facebook addiction is, apparently, a real syndrome. Yup, 'they' researched it. Take the test... 

Are you suffering from FAD?  If your answer is straight No, then answer the following questions honestly:

• The first (or second) thing that you do when you log on to Internet is check your Facebook page.
• You constantly change and update your status and Wall updates.
• You are so involved into the Facebook World that you even post things like “ going to sleep “ or “ I am tired “.
• As soon as you click a picture, you rush to post it Online on your Facebook albums.
• You become agitated or restless if you can’t get Internet to check up your social networking updates.
• You feel too delighted or too sad depending upon the comments you receive on your profile or pictures, comments etc.

Sometimes, however, I feel a weird rash of fondness towards Facebook.  Someone or other will pop into my head and I’ll trundle over and see what they’re up to; maybe I’ll leave them a message; maybe not.  It’s just nice to know they seem to be okay (though, really, who ever knows?). Or they do the same for me and it brings a smile to my face.  Or someone will appear just as I’m thinking about them and a spontaneous exchange occurs. It’s less formal than a phone call or an email – just a quiet stroke or a bit of fun and banter.  I also take a childish pleasure in dismissing the ads on my page, citing ‘against my views’ for pretty much everything. 

The new timeline thingy?  Well, it doesn’t rock my boat but not much I can do about it. Given I only have about six posts at any time on my entire account, it’s never going to be a thing of beauty. J  I’ve found pinterest for beauty, anyhow – you’re welcome to follow – click the widget on the sidebar or here. 

But, back to Facebook.  I guess what I think is what I always think. Each to their own. Whatever suits you.  Maybe the bottom line is use Facebook, rather than allow Facebook to use you.  And, if you have children, keep a beady eye.

What do you think?  Love it or loathe it?


Oh, and btw, my anti-guru loves Facebook and always likes...new friends. So say hell o.