Messages

I lost you all with the last post, didn’t I?  Truth to tell, I probably lost myself too.  I'm doing it again, thinking out loud. Let’s go back a step, huh?

Let’s go back to…what?  To when?  Maybe to about 4am. I was lying there, in the dark, thinking about the messages we are given. When We Were Very Young.  What beliefs did we pick up?  Which ‘truths’ did we buy into and take on board? Which realities did we choose?
I've been thinking about it because, time and time again, I can hear people bumping up against their childhood scripts, beating themselves up  because of them.
So I thought back.  Which were the voices of my childhood? What were their siren songs. Which phrases burrowed deep into my psyche and left their seed?  The good seeds and the bad…

·        Life’s tough - you have to fight every step of the way.

·        There are no silver spoons – you have to work your socks off.

·        Losing control is extremely dangerous – don’t do it.

·        You can’t always get what you want – make the best of what you’re given.

·        There is never enough money.

Some, of course, weren’t spoken aloud but seeped in by psychic osmosis.

·        Don’t love because the people you love may well leave you.

·        Don’t trust because people, even those closest to you, can betray you.

·        There are monsters.  Learn to jump.  Learn to hide.

·        There are secrets.  Keep them.   

That sounds grim but, to be honest, I got off lightly really. But, even so, those phrases had bitten deep, had left a lonely legacy. In my twenties I did a lot of work on them – with rebirthing, with affirmations; with positive thought, with hypnotherapy, with regression.  But you have to be careful.  You can’t just paper over the cracks, not when there is damp and decay underneath.  If you don’t understand your darkness, if you don’t look it straight in the eye and accept it, honour it even, it can become a fearsome shadow.  Those voices are still there and I am still shadow-fighting and sometimes it feels like I'm doing it eyes blindfolded, hands tied behind my back.

What voices do you hear when you close your eyes?  What are they whispering, or sneering, or shouting?  Maybe you’re one of the rare lucky ones and the voices are soothing or encouraging.
Somehow though, I suspect many of you are like me and the voices are not so kind.  For example, many women I know battle the voices that say 'Be nice'; 'Be a good girl'; 'Good girls don't do that or that or that'.  I was lucky in that I grew up in a family that didn't push women down.  Men have a whole other set of voices and beliefs that beat them.  They start with 'Boys don't cry' and then insist that men should be always strong and controlled; tough and powerful. That if you don't have the outer trappings of success, you are nothing.  Bullshit. 

But then… just because the voices are there, does that mean they’re right? Does that mean you have to listen to them?  You can challenge them, you know. You can tell them to shut the fuck up.  That you ain’t buying their bullshit no more. First you have to recognise the voice; find out who's telling you how to live your life; whose bullshit you're listening to. More often than not, it's a parent.  Then again, maybe a school teacher telling you you're not good enough, that you'll never make the grade. Or a school bully, or even a supposed friend.
But, you know, it's never too late.  You can change the script.  Just tell the voices to shut up; tell them they lie or that you simply don't want to listen any more.  You can change your reality, one thought at a time.