James James Morrison Morrison - on children parenting feckless adults

It’s official.  My son is now the responsible adult in our relationship.  J

It’s been coming for a while, quite a long while really. In fact, way back when he was a child, that A.A.Milne poem always had a resonance...You know the one...

"James James
Morrison Morrison
Weatherby George Dupree
Took great
Care of his Mother,
Though he was only three..."

‘You’re just not aware, Mother,’ he said, with a furrow of the brow, when we somewhere or other.  I laughed. I love it when he calls me ‘Mother’ in that fake disapproving way. 

‘You haven’t got a clue, have you?’ he went on.

‘Nope. Absolutely none whatsoever,’ I said with a grin.  ‘Though,’ I added.  ‘Be fair.  If I need to step up to the mark, I will.’

‘Fair play,’ he said.

But then, the other night, Kate and I set off for our walk in the woods.  It’s supposed to be a power walk; we’re supposed to march and sweat as a warm-up for our kettlebell session in the garden.  But, as we walked towards the steps, we looked at one another and Kate said, ‘Let’s leave the walking poles, huh?  I haven’t seen you for ages.  Let’s just walk.’

So we just walked.  Well, okay, I hauled her up the Chimney, so it was more of a climb.  And we broke out onto the hillfort and I introduced her to my tree and she told me about her tree (as you do) and we meandered along through the woods, past the camp and onto the Middle Path and then, when we came down to the river, Kate looked at me and I looked back at Kate and she said.  ‘This is just too nice.  Sod kettlebells.  Why don’t we just carry on walking?’ 

So we cut down to Marsh Bridge, over the bridge with the Maltese crosses, and climbed up and up towards the Trig Point.  And dusk started falling, and the pheasants got themselves all in a panic, stupid birds.  And an owl hooted.  And the hedgerows rustled.  And the moon rose up.  Just a sliver, a meagre slice.

http://photographyblogger.net

I love walking at night.  The darkness is soft and soothing.  There’s not so much to see but plenty to hear and scent and feel.  So, by the time we got back to the house, I was feeling pretty good. 

Until we met James, standing at the door, hands on hips.

‘Where have you been?’ 

‘Er…in the woods.’

‘It’s dark!  You’ve been gone for hours. Dad has gone out to find you.’

‘What?’

‘Why didn’t you take your phone?  You could have been lying with a broken leg in a ditch.’

‘But, but…I was with Kate.  I wasn’t going to be eaten by wild dogs.’ 

But he wasn’t having it, not at all.  Kate and I looked at one another; we shuffled from foot to foot.  We giggled a bit like naughty schoolgirls and James stomped off in disgust as I lit up the candles and incense. 

But, as we sat and sipped our herbal tea, I thought about it.  Of course I had been perfectly safe but he had been worried.  And that wasn't fair or right.  I went into the breakfast room, where he was doing his homework.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said.  ‘It was thoughtless.  I should have taken my phone and I should have called.’

He nodded. ‘It’s what you always say to me.’

‘This is true.’

And we had a hug and he looked mollified and went back to his work.  Though I swear I heard him muttering under his breath.  ‘Mothers.’ 

How I lost four stone - without trying

There is so much to say, so much that is mad and magical and sheer fecking fun!  Really. Not really. There is nothing and there is everything. There is reality and unreality. There is sorcery and alchemy and dancing and music and and and…  But I know what you want, what you really really want… (well, so many of you).  Midlifesinglemum said it yesterday:

Could we have the how to lose four stone post quite soon please. Ta

Weight loss eh?  The holy grail of Western society.  It will come of course – mechanically, chemically – at some point. Scientists will develop food that provides taste and bulk and mouth feel with zero calories.  Nanobots will scurry away fat. In the meantime, of course, you can cut it away or you can have a band or a balloon inserted that will make it nigh-on impossible to stuff yourself.   But if you don’t want to wait and you don’t want or can’t afford surgery?  

Okay, so you want to know how I lost weight, right?  Well, there’s good news and bad news.

Good news?  It was really easy.

Bad news? You probably wouldn’t want to do it. 

You really really want to know how I lost weight? How I dropped, what? About three stone in four months, or somewhere about that...(I forget, to be honest) and then another one after that. Easily. Effortlessly.
I stopped eating. 

Okay, I did eat…but not much. Because, simply put, I was eating WAY too much.

But honestly, that was it.  Calories in; calories out. 

But... but... but... but... BUT... BUT!!!…..  

It’s okay, I can hear you. J  I understand.  Cos that was me shouting but but but – for pretty well all my life.  Read back through my old blog posts if you don’t believe me.

What did my ‘buts’ used to say?  I love food! I eat barely anything and still put on weight! It’s my hormones; my metabolism; my bone structure, my ayurvedic prakruti for pity's sake!  I have to cook for other people. Other people cook for me. I take medication which makes me fat. I have a condition which makes me fat.  Etc etc etc.

Yes, there are conditions and foods that will make it harder to lose weight (and we’ll talk about that later) and there are the odd exceptions *flurry of hands waving*.  But, let’s just accept for now that if you have a lot of weight to lose (I'm not talking about the odd few pounds) the vast majority of us could lose it by eating less - if we choose?  If I've lost you here, then that's fine - there are a gazillion sites out there that will talk about hidden reasons and the fine-tuning. I went looking for a good one that would give you all the science and wotnot without charging you for the privilege but that proved tricky. Feel free to post any links in the comments... 

For those still here, shall we assume it’s mental?  That it’s our minds telling our bodies they need too much food (actually I’d say the two are pretty entangled, but let’s keep it simple right now eh?). So what do you do? 

I have no idea! 

Because I’m not you. And I’m not a diet guru, thank feck!  I can tell you what I did and I will, and - if you’re interested - you're welcome to listen.  But please, it’s what I did. It’s what I thought or didn’t think.  It is different for you. I can’t take responsibility for your body.  Nobody can.  Just you. 

I spent years making excuses for not having a slim healthy fit body. YEARS. DECADES. I blamed my mother. I blamed my childhood. I blamed my school. I blamed my job. I blamed my first father. I blamed my second father. I blamed my friends. I blamed my boss. I blamed my husband. I blamed my child. I blamed boredom. I blamed fear. I blamed magazines. I blamed TV. I blamed celebrities. I blamed my lack of will-power. I blamed..oh shit, I’m bored of listing what and whom I blamed. You get the picture.

One thing I would just say at this point.  Not losing weight takes a lot of energy. A lot. Not losing weight occupies the mind.  It can be another form of distraction. It can be a way of stopping yourself from focusing on other things that May Be Scary.  Sooo… one thing that could be interesting might be possibly, if you like, if you want, to ask yourself – If I weren’t fat, what might I think, what might I have to confront?  Or not. J

I’ll carry on with this tomorrow.  I would like to make one thing really REALLY clear. In fact, preface any comment you make on this with 'Jane, I understand this is you talking about you. You are not talking about me, and I take full responsibility for my own mind, my own body and my own health.'  

Cos this is not me being the responsible journalist or health writer or whatever. This is just me telling you about my madcap trip.  That’s all.  I am NOT saying do what I did. Let's be honest, it really isn’t the best or safest or most sensible way to lose weight. There are a million people out there who will tell you how to do that, if you want to be told.  If you really want a guru for this, then Pete Cohen ain’t bad…(hey, he even calls himself a guru! What was I saying yesterday about how I hate gurus?  J  Marek talks about it in Symphonic Bridges too of course. Obliquely of course. And you have to dig around a bit - but it is there, somewhen or other.  ;) 

If my secretary (I kept misspelling that as secretally…lol!) turns up for work, he may choose to take questions on this.  I dunno.  J  Or maybe not.