Thursday 19 May 2011

Talking to the Dead

Strange thing.  I’ve met absolutely tons of therapists, gurus and ‘spiritual’ bods over the years but I don’t think I have ever met a medium.  I’ve never really been that interested in talking to the dead – the messages always seem a bit vague; a tad hit and miss somehow. A lot of effort for not that much return.  My mother went to a spiritualist church after my father died – but I think she was hoping he’d tell her he hadn’t really drunk all the money and that there was a secret stash somewhere.  There wasn’t.

Anyhow I *met* Lorraine Holloway-White on Authonomy a couple of years ago and I liked her attitude.  She isn’t the wafty sort.  So, having lured her down to Exmoor I was pretty excited about meeting her.  Sometimes people are quite different in RL from their online personae – you never quite know what you’re going to get.  But I knew the moment I pitched up at ThreeAcres, and saw her waving through the window, that this was going be alright, more than alright. 
‘Typical country car,’ said Lorraine, brushing crumbs and dog hair off the front seat.  Ouch.  
I fed her champagne and crisps and we talked non-stop for nearly five hours.  I only let her go when she couldn’t hide the yawning anymore.  So.  What did she think of the Bonkers House? 
‘Oooh, there’s tons of energy here,’ she said, nearly skipping down the stairs to the Abyss. 
‘Good energy or bad energy?’
‘Energy.  Ooh, it’s so busy. It’s fabulous.’ Okay. So I have a sort of energetic party going on down the staircase. I reckon they’re all over from the pub.

She loved the Cellar of Despond.  She found a man who’d been gagged.   ‘Look over there – you can see his face on the plaster.’  Eh what?  Damnit, so you could – like a sort of plaster Turin shroud. ‘I’m getting two men and one gagged the other. Maybe there was some kind of fight.  Was this place a brothel?’ 
‘What?  I dunno.  It was a hotel at one point – and apparently it attracted quite a racy crew.’
Then she ‘scanned’ me – and declared my ankle fully healed – and did a bit of healing on me and then went all boss-eyed and said she could see ‘Margaret’ clear as day in front of me.
‘Yes. Definitely.’
‘But I don’t know any dead Margarets. They have to be dead, right?’
‘Yup.’ And she put me straight on the whole mediums v psychics question. If you wondered, mediums major in dead people. It’s kind of exclusive.

At this point Adrian pitched up, back from Moscow, and helpfully suggested it might be my mother’s old next door neighbour.
‘But she’s alive and kicking in Bampton, as far as I know,’ I said. ‘And anyhow, why would she bother?  I doubt she even gives me the thought of day.’
‘Fair enough,’ he shrugged. 
‘What about Peg Wright?  She’d be a Margaret.’
‘Why on earth would your pseudo grandmother be hanging around me?’
‘I dunno.  Hey, Dead Margarets sounds like a band.  By the way, did you find anything weird in the house?’ he continued, turning to Lorraine (completely unfazed by the fact that a woman he’d never met before was standing with her hands cradling his wife’s head).

Lorraine told him about the fizzy energy party going on.  ‘So, nothing nasty then?’ he said with evident relief.
‘Oh no.’
‘I’m an atheist, okay.’
An atheist who is scared of ghosts.  Go figure.  Lorraine didn’t even bother to respond.

I dropped her reluctantly back to her hotel and drove back from Brushford, through the dark town and came up through the front door.  Said ‘excuse me’ as I brushed past the partying energy and went up to bed.  As I slid under the covers I had a weird thought.
‘Psst,’ I hissed, trying not to wake Adrian and the SP.  ‘Margaret?  Are you there?’   
Silence.  But hey, who knows?
Four in the bed?  This was getting ridiculous.


Big Fashionista said...

Ha ha ha love it. Your house sounds like a mad house at the best of times. Throw in some spirits (Oooooh vodka) and you have yourself a party!!!

Alison Cross said...

It's good to have fizzy energy and Margaret can become a focus for keeping you company in the house ;-)

I once had an experience where I was woken by whispering into my left ear whilst in bed. As I groggily surfaced I was quite annoyed with Tartarus for disturbing my sleep. Then I realised that he was in Mexico and suddenly snapped awake. The whispering stopped, but I spent all night with the bedside lamp on.

I later told all to a 'sensitive' girlfriend who asked what the whispering was about. 'Eh? I dunno. Am deaf as a post in the left ear.' She was terribly pissed off that The Dead had made contact with me and I hadn't been able to make out a word of it.

With hindsight, I think that I was snoring and my ears and brain were trying to make sense of the noises and decided that they were 'whispers'.

Ali x

A Mackenzie Harris said...

Hilarious post, love it!

Fascinated by this subject but still waiting to be convinced. I went to see one of Derek Acorah’s shows with my mum when she was dying with cancer (I think she needed to believe that there was something/somewhere else to give her hope) but Sam, his Ethiopian spirit guide, didn’t have any messages for us that day! So, still no wiser I'm afraid.

Your house sounds amazing! No wonder you’re tired though…what with Margaret and all those partying high spirits! x

Anonymous said...

I giggled through all of that. Last year I somehow ended up at the filming of an episode of Britain's Most Haunted ~ biggest load of tosh I have ever seen in my life, and full of TV bods who think themselves so fine.....
I have been privileged to know a number of diocesan exorcists as well as someone from the Coptic church who was trained as such.
I've also had enough funny experiences for people in the know to ask if I am a medium, to which the reponse is, "no, usually a large!"
Lovely. I'll have to come and see for myself sometime....

Posie said...

Oh I was completely and utterly absorbed in that Jane, didn't want it to end, hilarious the fact that mediums 'major in dead people' and all that champagne and wonder there's a party going on!!

Exmoorjane said...

* BF: oh, there's a full drinks cupboard, trust me!
* Ali: you reckon? I suppose. Can't be doing with whispering, or groaning or muttering...forget that.
* Ally: that was sad - would have been nice to have had some kind of comfort, I guess... and hey, you may have a point about the not sleeping. Ruddy ghosts.
* Viv: am fascinated by the whole Deliverance side to the church...and yes, you absolutely must come and check it out... :)
* Posie: aww, thank you, hon...glad you enjoyed. :)

Anonymous said...

I've been on the receiving end of the so-called Deliverance ministry: shocking abuse, frankly.
Some years back Channel 4 did a live programme about it and I watched and sat and shook because there were people on it from the vicar factory we went to who were dangerous nutters even then and had clearly not moderated at all.
There's a very clear line in my opinion between these things, and the real exorcists are a different kettle of fish to the lunatic fringe. I know for an outsider this might seem a moot point but!
I know what I know; I have seen things that are likely to get me sectioned if I talked about them in certain company.
if you ever need to know more, just ask.
oh and the wv is OUSLI, obviously a Bonker's house special muesli.

sewa mobil said...

Nice article, thanks for the information.

Lorraine said...

I adored the house and Jane even more so. And she didn't just feed me Champagne and crisps, there was a jolly fine meal involved too.

Jane is all I envisaged and more; warm, generous, witty and great fun. How lucky I am to have met her.

Jane, thanks for your wonderful hospitality - next time it's my turn, but I can't promise the amount of residual energy from lots of people from the past as your wonderful home does x