Wanted: one retreat centre.

www.darlingdoodlesdesigns.com 

What would I like for Christmas?  A retreat centre, that's what.  Nothing big and fancy and smart. Not a kick-ass spa or a fancypants hotel but a simple place where people (myself included) could just...be.  

Where would it be?  It doesn't entirely matter - though feng shui would prefer that it have water (ocean ideally) in front and mountains (or some sort of hills) behind.  It would embrace all the elements and be head over heels in love with every season.  It would be a place where the devas, the elementals and the nature spirits would smile.  A place to sun, moon and star bathe. 

This I do know: there would be open fires, there would be big deep baths, there would be snugly throws and hammocks and sweet sweet scents. There would be silence sometimes and music from time to time too.  There would be laughter and smiles, sometimes tears maybe but of the healing kind.  It would be a place to breathe deeply and well.  There might have to be animal therapists.  There could be a labyrinth.  

I'm not sure I'd want to inflict a programme or routine.  But, if people chose, they could join in daily meditation and yoga, in gentle walks and mindful mealtimes.  Food would be picked and prepared with love and care, a prayer breathed into every pot.  

There would be no preaching or pontificating, just peace and prana (and some Puckish fun too).  It would, in my dreams, be a place where people could let go of their cares and worries; a place that, maybe, might inspire them to remember who they are - really/unreally - and to take that back to their everyday lives. It would be a place that would remind me to do that each and every day too.

Above all, it would be affordable.  Every time I go away and report on these amazing retreats and spas, it hits me that only a few people could afford to go to them - and often not the ones who really need them.  I remember back when I used to go to the Pelican Centre in Somerset (now sadly no more) that I used to pay extra each time I went (as did other people) so the Centre could offer free or discounted places to those who needed them but couldn't afford the full whack. I like that idea.   

Anyhow, that's what I'd like.  It doesn't have to be immediately.  My son still has two years of school to go.  But then...well, that would be tickety-boo.  Of course I have no money to buy it.  Not a penny. But hey, I'm putting it out there, out here, as - who knows?  

Shiny happy people...

I'm so clean, I'm squeaking.  I swear my innards are glowing. What was going to be a ten day juice fast turned into a twelve day one and, to be honest, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have kept going.  But one has to come home at some point and so I broke my fast on the plane with melon, nibbling chunks from my little pot while the couple next to me chomped away on monster chicken rolls, crisps and KitKat.  No judgement there, by the way - each to their own.  Talking of that it did amuse a little that a few people got a bit aerated about my fasting.  Dark mutters of 'it's not healthy, you know' and 'you don't need to detox - it's all nonsense' were heard.  But hey, I'm not asking anyone else to do it, just reporting my experience.  And my experience was good.  The proof of the pudding (so to speak) is, for me, in the not eating.

I arrived in Portugal feeling pretty rubbish.  I was aching all over, not sleeping, feeling dizzy and generally out of sorts.  I wondered if it was menopause finally getting snarky with me and had gone as far as to buy some herbal remedies (which I promptly forgot to take with me) but swiftly realised it was simply that I had been putting crap in my body and in my mind.

By the time I left my aches had all gone.  I was sleeping like a kitten (early to bed, early to rise). The dizziness had vanished too.  I felt bright, alert and clear-headed.  Also - praise be! - my rotator cuff decided to sort itself out (or nearly sort itself out).  What else?  Oh yes, now I'm back in a room where I can actually see my face in the mirror (my room there was VERY dark) my skin is clearer and softer and my eyes are brighter.  I've shed about five kilos of very much unwanted weight and I'm standing taller and sitting easier.  My mood is improved about 500 percent too.

It's not just the juice fasting, of course.  The yoga played a large part - all three teachers were great but I learned tons about bringing yoga into everyday life with Drew.  Then, of course, I had two mind and body-blowing sessions with Anita that really rummaged around in the murky depths of my psyche, untangling a lot of messy knots and activating a shedload of suppressed energy.  She is an extraordinary therapist and a big high five to Moinhos Velhos for having the guts to employ someone who works so deeply.  I've been on a lot of detoxes and they've all been pretty good but it's people like Anita and Drew who make the difference here.  Of course, it won't suit everyone - the Moinhos experience runs on Om and dances to Shiva - if you like to keep it all more...clinical...then there are plenty of other detoxes to choose - see the selection on Queen of Retreats (where I'll be filing my report on MV).

Of course, you don't have to go to a dedicated retreat centre to detox.  I wrote my book The Detox Plan
to help people do a gentle detox at home.  It includes a very sensible month-long cleanse that can fit around the average working week.  Ouch, that looks like a sell, doesn't it?

I promise I'll shut up about this now (or very soon).  But, you know, what it does drive home to me is that so many issues can be cleared up with three simple things:  food, movement, clearing mind/emotions.  If you eat crap, you'll feel crap.  If you don't move, you get stiff and uncomfortable. If you don't address your core issues and mind hang-ups, it's odds on you will stay miserable.
Do you have to do a twelve-day juice fast?  Of course not. But if you want to feel a shedload better, I'd heartily advise looking at how you treat your body and mind.
Now, of course, the big challenge is to stay in balance.  As I've found, time and time again, it's easy-peasy to do this stuff when you're away from home and work with all its stresses and temptations. Once you come back, it's all too easy to slide back into crappy habits.  We shall see...

Loving the Light - Days Eight and Nine

Where is the time going?  I'm losing track.  I'm feeling less and less inclined to turn on my laptop, or even my phone.  More and more I'm finding myself able to enjoy each moment.  I'm noticing the flowers - the bottlebrush (like zingy pot scourers), the mimosa, the orange blossom (oh heady, heady aside in a dell), the jasmine (almost overwhelming, almost sickly), the honeysuckle (bigger, brasher than at home but shy of scent, as if it feels it can't compete with its more powerfully olfactory neighbours), 'look at me!' bourganvillea and, 'no, look at ME' hibiscus. And then there are the roses.  Oh the roses, crimson, carmine, tequila sunrise, orange sorbet with a scent so deep and sweet. They lure me in a way they never did before.

One day, I forget which, we went to the beach, bundled in a minivan, like a school trip.  The sun went shy but it didn't matter.  Four of us went down to the shore, and three of us walked through the shiver-cold water along the sweep of the bay.  Coincidences abounded.  We found we knew people in common; we'd been to the same places.  For heaven's sake, three of us had all worked at the same office.  Clare and I had even been at the same university, at exactly the same time. We lived in the same student flats one year.  How strange is that?  So we swapped stories of bands we'd seen, people we knew, places we'd been.  It was the most curious, delicious, wild mind-loop, as old memory files were awoken; old cells rejiggled, old faces summoned (where are they now? who are they now?).

We're a harmonious group.  A kind group.  Our ages range from 33 - 78, our homes span across Europe. So, while I spend a fair bit of time on my own, I also spend time with others, learning from them, enjoying their stories, sometimes telling mine.  And I also get to talk to the people who live here - because this place runs partly like a sort of community.  People come and live here and work for various lengths of time - upwards of three months usually.

Anyhow, the rest continues as always - yoga, juice, cleansing through water and fire, meditation (formal and informal), letting go, letting go, letting go... Shedding not just weight and toxins, the accumulated dross that accumulates when you eat badly, drink badly, but also the old tensions, emotions that no longer serve, the past, the fear.  Leaving one feeling just so light, light, bright and full of...love.  Corny?  Maybe.  But you know what?  It's a much nicer way to feel and be and live than holding on and shivering with fear.  


  

Stretching and steaming into Days Six and Seven of Detox Diary

Day Six at Moinhos Velhos and everything starts to shift.  The headaches are gone and I’m feeling lighter, brighter, more settled in myself.  You fall into a routine and it’s actually rather nice not to have to think about food; about what to eat or what not to eat.  Now, to be fair, I find fasting easy – and this is the easiest kind of fast of all because you’re actually getting a fair few calories from the juice so you don’t feel the lethargy that can sneak in when you’re water fasting.  But most people here are finding it fine – so far there’s only one woman who’s still not feeling too good.

Anyhow, so far I’ve been talking about the intestines (some might say too much) but it’s worth remembering that it’s not just the guts and the liver, gallbladder and kidneys which are involved in the detox process.  Our lungs are a vital element of detoxing, which is why yoga is so important.  Here the yoga practice has a large focus on pranayama, the yogic art of good breathing.  

So, every day we do:

Kapalabhati – the pumping breath – which cleanses the whole respiratory system.  It also strengthens and increases lung capacity, allowing the red blood cells to draw in more oxygen.  The strong abdominal contractions help improve digestion and massage and tone the internal organs - liver, spleen, pancreas, stomach and heart.  Anything else?  Yup, it refreshes the mind, increasing alertness and helps eliminate excess mucus, clearing the sinuses.  

We also do alternative nostril breathing – which, again, cleanses and strengthens the entire respiratory system.  In fact, it actually harmonises the whole body and is particularly soothing for the mind.  Use it whenever you need to focus and concentrate – or when you’re feeling stressed.  

Then we go into several rounds of Surya Namaskar, the Sun Salutation, that perfect warm-up for all yoga asana.  Not only does it warm up and stretch out pretty well every muscle, but it also helps to regulate your breathing and to focus your mind.  

Then - it depends.  There are three yoga teachers here so it varies a bit but they all agree that the following asanas are superb for detox:  

Sirsasan (Headstand) - or Dolphin. I still can't do an unsupported headstand but...one day. 

Sarvangasan (Shoulder Stand) 

Halasan (Plough)

Matsyasan (Fish)

Paschimothanasan (Seated Forward Bend)

Bhujangasan (Cobra)
Salabhasan (Locust)
Dhanurasan (Bow)
Ardha Matsyendrasan (Half Spinal Twist) 

Padahasthasan (Forward Bend)
Trikonasan (Triangle)

Okay, so the wifi has been a bit flaky and the schedule here is also pretty full-on so I didn't manage to post the above, yesterday - so you're getting two doses in one.

Day Seven and I had a crap night...my old friend insomnia came back to bite me.  So I launched into the week (weak) point feeling tired and a bit pathetic.  But, once again, a good dose of yoga perked me up, even if I had to sink into Balasan (Child) and even Savasan (Corpse) at certain points.
Still not hungry.  A giant spot appeared on my nose which reminds me to talk about the other great elimination organ - the skin.  Every good detox should, to my mind-body, include a goodly dose of stuff to help the skin throw off the nasties.  Here they have a great Jacuzzi (with mega powerful jets to ease out back tension too - an added bonus) plus a fabulous wood-fired sauna.  Now, I never used to like saunas - steamrooms, yes, but sauna no.  But I've become a bit of a convert and, truly, there is nothing nicer than a wood-fired one.  There's something deliciously elemental about hearing the crackle of the wood, seeing the flames flicker, feeling the heat and steam rise and swirl in the darkness (this one is blissfully dim).  Then you chuck on the water and there's the drama of the hiss, the steam, the sudden burning in the throat as the heat throws itself at  you.  Heaven.
So, I've been doing a fair bit of that - with some experts from Sweden.

Anyhow, there it is.  Going into Day Eight feeling good.

For more reports on detoxes see Queen of Retreats 

Of course, if you fancied trying a DIY detox at home, I outline a very gentle one in my book The Detox Plan - along with more stuff on yoga, meditation, breathing, hydrotherapy and so on.  It's available on Kindle for a couple of pounds or so, so click on the top right-hand corner link if you feel so inclined.  No Clysmatics included!  

Rummaging in the bowels of detox - Day Five

Day five of my stay at Moinhos Velhos. Fourth day without solid food.  I didn't sleep well and woke feeling a bit dizzy but a good yoga session with Sita sorted me out. Aches and pains have lessened off (I forgot to say I've had raging aches in my joints for the last few days). Hungry? Maybe a little bit at night but nothing to write home about.  One of the retreaters has come off the fast (she'd been fasting before she came so enough is enough) and is eating 'normal' food (tucked away in the living room) but it doesn't remotely bother me.

So, remember when I said you can't be squeamish about bodily functions on detox?  Well, that's down to the colon cleansing.  Here they use a system called the Clysmatic - a self-administered cleansing procedure for the large intestine.  Now, I have a bit of an issue with colonics - the first time I had one it was on the recommendation of a friend who raved about them.  'You'll feel fabulous,' she said.  'So clear and clean and just wonderful.'  Unfortunately I felt like...well...shit.  I could barely get up the energy to walk away from the clinic and I didn't feel right for weeks (quite apart from not having a normal crap for absolutely ages).  But the self-administered ones I've used on detox retreats are way more gentle and, the more I do these detoxes, the more I've come to realise that they really do make life a lot easier.  I've detoxed with and without these things and, trust me, life is far more pleasant when you use them - less headaches, more energy.  The theory behind it goes that, when you detox, all kinds of toxic gunk gets offloaded into the guts and, truly, do you really want that hanging around for days on end?  Bear in mind how constipated the average bod is - how many of you have more than one bowel movement a day?  Come on, own up!

Anyhow, that's the theory.  Of course some people say that there is absolutely no reason to cleanse the colon.  Then again, the same people would probably say there is no reason to detox in the first place - that our bodies can do it perfectly well on their own.  That's true, of course.  The body has a perfectly good self-detoxification system - lungs, liver, kidneys, intestines, skin...  But sadly we no longer live in a world where we can eat clean food, drink clean water, breathe clean air.

Meanwhile, back in my little bathroom at MV, I've been grappling with the Clysmatic.  Actually it's pretty simple - though, having said that, I've managed to flood my bathroom twice.  You fill up a container that's mounted on the wall above the loo.  Then you attach the tube that comes out of the bottom of the container to a contraption that fits around the seat of the loo, pop a rectal tube (please do look away at this point if you can't handle this kind of detail) on the metal tube and give it a good libation of Vaseline.  Then you (carefully) ease yourself onto the tube (yup, it goes about 3-5cm into your arse) and get comfy.  Open up a valve in the upper tube and the water will start to flow up your bum and into the intestines.  You keep your rectum squeezed tight until you feel the pressure build up and then you simply let go.  The tube stays in all the time and, truly, it's simplicity itself.  The whole thing takes about quarter of an hour and I have been using the time to catch up on texts. So, if you've had a text from me in the last few days...

So, we've been doing these twice a day and even those who were all 'Eeewww, I don't want to talk about it' are now regailing everyone round the table with tales from the coal face.

The upshot is that I'm feeling a lot lighter (quite literally - 2kg if you were wondering, Rachel!) and a shedload better.  My skin is looking clearer and my eyes are brighter.  After yesterday's emotional splurge, I've been mulling over a lot of things, trying to figure out why I make everything so damn hard for myself.  Time for some serious releasing of all my old shit - not just physically but metaphorically too.

If you made it this far, well done!  Here's a nice picture of flowers as a reward.

Full report coming on Queen of Retreats when I get back.  You can also read reports of other detoxes on the site here.

Coming a bit undone on Day Four of my detox

The headache comes and goes - sometimes just a tug on the temples, sometimes a vice around my forehead.  It's part of the detox process, of course.  It's my third day without solid food and, actually, that part of it is absolutely fine.  But I'm realising, more and more, that I'm too uptight for words.  I sit by the pool and find myself fidgeting within minutes. I lie on my bed and realise that my shoulders are locked and my arms are so rigid it's as they're clutching something - an imaginery sword? My jaw is clamped.  When did I get so tense?  Why can't I relax?

'You're exhausted,' said Janni, looking at me with huge compassion from her side of the computer. She's been testing me on something called the Physiospekt (but more of that later). She reckons that it's my major problem - total exhaustion brought on by constant tension.

So I figured maybe some bodywork might help.  Moinhos Velhos has a core team of therapists who cover everything from reflexology, deep tissue massage and acupuncture to 'Herbal Stamp' (no, I'd never heard of it before) and 'Tibetan Pulse Healing" (nope, not heard of that either).  So I found myself stripped off in a small warm room with Anita pressing deeply yet softly (if that makes any sense) down either side of my spine.

'What would you like me to do?' she'd asked.  She does the lot, does Anita - hypnotherapy, past life regression, rebirthing, NLP, spiritual life coaching, cranio-sacral, deep tissue, astrological birth chart reading as well as Tibetan Pulse Healing (which, it turns out, is a mix of sound vibration, deep/soft touch, and pulsing of the energy centres of the body to release stress and stuck energy patterns in the bodymind).
'I'll leave it up to you,' I said. 'Use your intuition.  But I don't want to talk, I've done enough talking; I'd rather do it via the body.'
Which is exactly what she did.  She loosened my shoulders, my neck, my back, my arms - sometimes it felt like acupressure, sometimes more like remedial massage, sometimes like Tragerwork. Pressing, pulling, shaking, shimmying.
Then she asked me to start conscious connected breathing (the breathwork of Rebirthing, in which you inhale and exhale through the mouth without any retention of breath - no pause.)

Now, I've had amazing bodywork before and I've done Rebirthing but I've never experienced the two combined.  You know what?  There are no words really.  When I think back over what ended up as a two hour session, I lost about an hour, somewhere in the breath, somewhere around when she was working on my heart.  It hurt, it really hurt. Not physically, although the breath can feel a little uncomfortable, but emotionally.  I was embraced by a coldness, the emotional equivalent of being stuck in a freezer.  My heart turned stone.
'Breathe into it,' urged Anita and I tried, I did, even though it was like breathing with a huge boulder pressing down on my chest.  Desolation.  Hurt.  An  unbearable sadness that tunnelled way back to a time and place so far away it felt like a different continent.  I couldn't stop myself crying.

Now I thought I'd done enough of this stuff, I really did.  I thought I was through all this emotional crap, but it seems not. It struck me that once again, lately, I'd done what I've done all through my life, form a carapace around myself, so as not to feel the pain.  It works, in a way, but it's not a comfortable way to live one's life, is it?

So, Anita worked on it, and unravelled me a bit and told me stuff I knew but never seem to take on board and...it was good, it was damn good.  So I left a lot looser and easier in myself and took myself down to my little room, feeling almost happy.   Here and now.  Or rather, there and then.

Detox Diary Day Three

Day three of my juice fast at Moinhos Velhos.  'It's perfectly normal to feel totally pants today,' says Janni, one of the owners and, comfortingly, an ex-nurse.
I don't feel too grim although a vague headache floats around for most of the day.
So, as I've said (if I recall - one's brain goes a bit mushy doing this stuff), we get three juices a day, plus a clear vegetable broth in the evening.  As far as I'm concerned, this is riches indeed - my early fasts were water-only.

In between juices we take a selection of pills - four times a day.  For those who are interested in these things, they are:

Co-ton - a mix of herbs (fennel; barberry; cascara; ginger; turkey rhubarb; cayenne; goldenseal; lobelia; raspberry) which dissolves and breaks up mucoid matter and expels it from the body; reduces gas in the stomach and intestines, purifies the blood and stimulates and strengthens all the organs (in particular the heart, liver and eliminatitve organs).  Anything else?  Oh yup, it strengthens, heals and re-builds peristaltic action.  Not bad for one pill.

Pancreatin - a mix of enzymes amylase, protease and lipase  - helping to break up old deposits of undigested proteins, fats and carbohydrates.

Niacin (vitamin B3) - used to dilate the blood vessels to increase blood flow and so speed up the elimination of toxins from the bloodstream.  It also pushes blood deep into underactive tissue so vital nutrients can get through.  Only downside?  It can produce a hot red flush.  I was stunned to look down and see big red patches on my legs and arms.  My face also turned bright red and I thought, at first, that I'd overdone the sun.  It doesn't last long though and apparently some men actually take it to find out what a menopausal hot flush feels like.  Why on earth would you do that???

Finally Spirulina which provides essential trace minerals and elements, plus a good dose of iodine, helping the body maintain its energy during the fast.

Daily yoga is grounding and balancing - today it's Dru yoga with Richard Brook.
I also had a pretty amazing session with Janni - but that needs a post all of its own.

A daily sauna is part of the healing - once again helping eliminate garbage, this time via the skin (our largest organ, remember).

Evenings end with a meditation session.  By now I'm not feeling so great.  The evening broth seems to have done peculiar things to my innards which are conducting their own form of noisy meditation. My head decides it needs some of the action too and joins in with a bass thud, thud, thud.  It's hard to focus so I just limp through and stagger down the hill.  I'm in bed and fast asleep by 9.30pm.

For reviews of other detoxes see Queen of Retreats