Monday 4 May 2009

Reality bites (and no, it's not Asbo)

Back to reality. After a week here…….

I'm back here....

The contrast couldn’t be more extreme really. Having slept for ten hours’ straight something seemed profoundly wrong about being woken up by a child yelling. My bed had shrunk and there was something large and snoring in it. I couldn’t flick a switch and watch CNN on a vast plasma screen. Wrong, just wrong.
Even more wrong was the fact that someone had taken away sun and warmth and replaced it with dull, cold and windy.
Breakfast? Bowl of Morrisons No Added Sugar Muesli and a mug of stewed tea. What happened to Mickey Mouse waffles and maple syrup? Freshly squeezed orange juice? Where is the nice waiter refilling my coffee cup every five minutes? Why aren’t there vast Disney characters with big white hands patting my head?
Sure it’s great to be home and lovely to see my boys. James was ridiculously and rather pathetically pleased with his Disney goodie bag (though mostly impressed with the Mickey Mouse pen and the straw that changes colour when you drink through it and which doubles up as a whistle). ‘Did you buy this, Mum?’
Crosses fingers behind back and blithely lies. ‘Yes, of course, darling.’
‘Where’s the price tag in dollars?’
He looked even more suspicious when he got to the soap, mouth wash and toothbrush. ‘There’s no Mickey on this toothbrush, Mum. Did this come from your room?’
God the child is sussed. ‘Yup. It certainly did.’
Honesty in small matters allows much greater lies to pass unnoticed.

I was given the tenth degree on which rides I’d been on. He got incredibly excited when I told him about the Hell which was Expedition Everest (a rollercoaster type terror experience which make me shake and – yup – cry. Not with joy, let me hasten to add).
‘Show me on Youtube.’
Good plan. So we clicked and watched and, I ask you, what is WRONG with the world that the most seriously frightening thing I’ve ever done looked totally tame.
‘People are screaming.’ I pointed out.
‘Yeah, you do that when you’re on a ride. It’s part of the fun.’
I told them about the shows and the films and the rides and the animals and James was positively fizzing with excitement.
‘When can we go?’
Adrian had the look of someone about to put to death by firing squad.
‘That sounds like the most revolting thing in the entire world. Do you really mean to say that vast Disney characters accost you when you’re EATING?’ He shuddered.
‘Would you go Mummy?’
Would I? If you’d asked me that a week ago, I’d have been firmly with Adrian in the Over My Dead Body stance. Now, I’m not so sure. I’ll admit I was impressed by a lot of it and it wasn’t as plastic as I’d been expecting. Magic Kingdom is a bit too much for me (very crowded and cute on cute) but Animal Kingdom was immaculately done and the water parks were deeply tempting. The shows are top-notch and the fireworks are breathtaking. If you can afford to stay in the deluxe hotels, the accommodation is impressive too (we stayed in the Beach Club Resort which was very relaxed and comfortable). If you want uber-smart the Grand Floridian is your place while I was pretty knocked out by the Lodge at Animal Kingdom). We had some superb food in some top-notch restaurants and much of the merchandising is – and here I worry about myself – very discrete and desirable. So, in a nutshell, yes I would (given the budget to do it top dollar). Not for me, I hasten to add, but for James who would, without a shadow of a doubt, adore every goddamn magical moment.
I say, not for me, but – if you offered me the chance to go back to Disney with my band of bloggers, I’d bite off your hand (actually, I’d be jumping up and down at the thought of a weekend in Croydon with this lot). These women are seriously brilliant. I haven’t laughed so much in years (certainly not since becoming a mother). I won’t go into the in jokes and mad silly things that happened (mainly because I promised I wouldn’t be libellous and this blog is intended for general, not X-rated, consumption) but I would urge you to check out their blogs. Don’t be misled by the grown-up nature of some of their writing – they are all totally certifiably crackers.

Little Mummy
Are we there yet, Mummy?
You’ve got your hands full

Family Affairs
Dulwich Divorcee
English Mum in Ireland


Jane Le Galloudec said...

I am glad you survived the trip. And you have done a good job of looking for the bits you can honestly promote without dis-ing the rest... just so long as you haven't been recruited into the ranks of the undead. lol! I did enjoy reading about it so thankyou.

Exmoorjane said...

I've been turned, Billie Jane! Totally Tinked and merrily Mickeyed...there IS no hope......I am a Disney Zombie, official.

Minnie said...

Welcome home! It's been fascinating and enlightening, reading your commentaries: a real window into another, make-believe world. The other bloggers sound like fun - another jaunt in the offing, perhaps?

Exmoorjane said...

Bring it on, I say! Disney Cruise could be cool....Much as I slate the makebelieve world, it is pretty comfortable out there in Mouse world.

Lane Mathias said...

Glad you had a brill time.
If I were given a wadge of money and told to take the family on holiday, Disney wouldn't be my first choice. Or second etc. My children would probably say otherwise and you certainly painted a good picture of it:-)

Exmoorjane said...

I'm with you really Lane, but yup, children do adore it so now feeling horribly selfish about not booking up straightaway.

Anonymous said...

I'm scared. If you've been converted - it could happen to anyone!

Rustic Pumpkin said...

It has been an enlightening week watching the conversion from sceptic to Stepford, to Disney Zombie! Wonder what they put in your waffles? Good to have you back, and glad you enjoyed yourself (eventually).

Milla said...

is this a new American thing, too, being nice and answering every blog. Too envious to say anything remotely nice to you esp since this seems to have topped poor old Arvon.

Exmoorjane said...

Mud in the city: be worried, be very worried!
Celtic Heart: Disney Zombie? I am not a clone! Love the mouse, love the mouse, you WILL love the mouse. Aaaghh, help.
Milla: I've finally crumbled. I'm still going to comment on everyone's blogs (well, hopefully). Nah, never beat could it when I met you there? Good but different, shall we say? Nobody ran off in the night or drowned in the lake and the language was FAR filthier.

Frances said...

Welcome back home, Jane.

Did Asbo have a special welcome for you? Did he ask about Goofy?

We really were a bit worried about your succumbing to the power of promotion. Another few days in Florida and who knows what might have happened.


DD's Diary said...

Wasn't it fab? I seriously caught myself thinking I hadn't bought enough stuff with ears on this morning ......

Exmoorjane said...

Frances: Goofy was scary - Pluto's my boy. Just the usual from Asbo I fear - a quick lick and a sneaky crap on the path.

Dulwich Divorcee: yeah, me too (the ears). Wish I'd bought the Mickey fitflops now too.

Irish Eyes said...

Welcome back girl; ain't reality great? Go on, admit it, you love the cold breeze whistling 'round your ankles in the bathroom, the smell of fresh socks you will be ironing, and the ting of the letter box as another bill lands on the mat!

Glad so see you've not gone all goofy over Disworld!

maddie said...

Just knew you'd love it. It's a small world, after all.
And how's the boy? He survived without you, didn't he?

Chris Stovell said...

I'm with Mud in the City (and Milla's comment made me laugh too). I'm glad you enjoyed it Jane, but, apart from meeting new people, it wouldn't be for me. Welcome back (even if it is freezing cold here!).

Exmoorjane said...

Irish Eyes: I have a pile of washing a mile high!

Maddie: yeah, he survived but it was one heck of a reunion (fuelled by a VAST goodie bag).

Chris: meeting the other bloggers was by far the best bit (though the food was fabulous and I could have happily lain on the beach for days). Freezing cold here indeed -can't handle it. And yes, I'll shoot Milla later.

mountainear said...

Welcome back EJ. Have enjoyed reading your posts from abroad and glad that a good time was had by all.

I could manage without the Mouse and its trappings but the level and quality of service would be welcome.

family affairs said...

Thanks for the credit!! Lovely post - you've managed to retain you're credibility whilst angling for a free Disney cruise....perfectly pitched. Love Milla's comment - yes we are all going to be far more uber than we were and reply to everything and review everything and get big hair Lx

Rob-bear said...

Ah, reality. Isn't it a grand thing?

Loved your posts from this side of the pond -- all very interesting. Glad you had fun in the process, especially with your blogging buddies.

Sounds, though, like you got caught in a Mouse-trap; hope you soon recover. Perhaps Asbo and a few loads of wash will help you re-adjust from your voyage to the surreal.

Exmoorjane said...

Mountaineer: believe it! I soooo want my towels turned into Mickey Mouse origami every morning.

Family Affairs: we NEED and deserve that cruise....

Rob-Bear: Nope, I'm stuck forever in a twilight world of mouse ears....except, ah, just found mouse droppings under the sink. :(

Kitty said...

You survived to tell the tale! Brave woman. It is down to earth with a bump when you come back from holiday, but somehow lovely too.

Calico Kate said...

Welcome back to earth - this earth and not Mouse Universe. Hope the shock isn't too great and that your ears don't wilt!

Dawn said...

Hi! It was nice meeting you in DisneyWorld! I wish we'd been able to spend more time with you UK bloggers! :)I agree - it's always a little cruel coming home after such a trip.