Saturday 23 April 2011


I have gone beyond, I really have. I keep trying to write blogs and then deleting them. I just don’t think I have anything worth saying.
Basically I have overdone everything. I am wiped. I have completely, utterly, totally, absolutely (add own extreme adverbs) trashed myself. I have discovered the point at which my body says, ‘Enough. Stop. FFS just stop. Please.’

A three-hour charity Zumba bash last night was the last straw.  Four of us went and we were tired before we started.  I just wasn't really in the mood, after a week of total introspection, to handle wild exuberance and neon pink tutus. We drove back, shell-shocked, and when Susie pulled up outside my door we just looked at one another and collapsed into ever so slightly hysterical laughter.
'I don't think I can get out,' I said.  'I think I may have to stay here.'  Susie gave me as much of a shove as she could manage and I yelped. 

It's not just my body.  I have also found another point at which my mind just quivers and goes blank. Once again I’ve tried to go beyond nothing and been turned back.

So here I am. On a beautiful spring day. Knowing nothing at all. Again. Totally worn out. Head spinning so fast I'm in danger of falling over. So I am going to collapse in the garden, hopefully with a puppy stretched along one hip, and sleep.

Normal service will soon be resumed.  I assume.  Hmmm.  What's a sume?  :-) 


Anonymous said...

This is your Good Friday, my friend.
remember Easter morning and resurrection, whether you believe in the gospel story or not.
You may get knocked down but never out.
You know where I am if you need anything.

Sage said...

Happy Easter you... enjoy the sunshine, the new beginnings and hopefully the resurrection of your mind xx xx

Frances said...

Happy Easter to you, Jane.

Enjoy that garden stretch out, or curl up, or chill out, or rest up. Whatever seems good.


Devon Ellington said...

There's nothing wrong with needing a rest. Give yourself a break. Let yourself DO NOTHING. There's something wonderfully liberating about doing nothing.

Feel better soon.

Bluestocking Mum said...

My dear Jane

As always, you manage to verbalise through your writing what (quite often) the rest of us are thinking and going through. Reading your blog, that is ME a few weeks ago. Except I don't have anything like your pressures and work responsibilities. You're allowed to be knackered!

Listen to your body and mind. Take a break and be kind to yourself.

You will be far better for it in the long run.

And when people have stopped leaving their comments on this post, re-read them all over again. You will see then that we all give you the permission to take some time out and a well earned rest, so why shouldn't you?

Lots of love

Molly Potter said...

A blank mind and nothingness is underrated. Enjoy it while it lasts!!!!

Elizabeth Musgrave said...

Doing nothing? How long for? I wonder if I could? And a zumba marathon. You are totally nuts. xx