Sunday, 5 June 2011

I'm a spaniel

I was at the gym this morning, on the cross trainer, running uphill like a crazy woman (as always). I had Nina Nastasia on my headphones, listening to It’s a Dog’s Life, and the thought crossed my mind...  I am a spaniel.  A bloody spaniel. 

Let’s look at the evidence, eh?  What do spaniels do?  They run around, in circles, expending HUGE effort for, frankly, very little return.  They exhaust themselves (well, eventually) by covering every last inch of ground.  While sensible dogs are nosing around in the undergrowth, or ambling along the path, those spaniels are diving into undergrowth, tearing their ears on brambles.  They’re easy to train: relatively intelligent so can pick up instructions quite easily, learn new tricks and blindly carry them out, wagging their tails all the time and panting happily.  They’re dippy as fruit loops – neurotic bordering on delusional.   What else? Oh yes, they’re stupidly, pathetically, eager to please.  If you were to say, ‘Hey, dog, wanna dive into ice-cold water and go fetch that pheasant?’ they’d wag their tails and go, ‘How many times?’  Oh, and they eat shit.
So. I’m a spaniel. 

At this point you’re probably sitting there, thinking, ‘Now, I wonder what kind of dog I’d be?’ and, let me guess, you’re thinking German Shepherd, Boxer or Staffordshire terrier (if you're a bloke: I’m right, aren’t I?) or Border Collie (smart sassy woman) or Yorkshire terrier (cutesy woman). But  you know, it’s a bit like when I went to a shamanism workshop and we had to journey to find our spirit animal guides… I can’t begin to tell you how many eagles and wolves and bears were floating around.  Nobody had a hamster. 
Anyhow. I’m sick of being a spaniel.  I want to be a terrier.  Look at Asbo. He doesn’t give a flying feck about anything.  If he wants to go on a walk, he’ll go.  If he can’t be arsed, he will refuse, point blank, to leave the house.  If he chooses, he can be perfectly well-behaved - it’s just that, most of the time, he doesn’t choose.  He does what he likes and doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks.  He behaves appallingly and blithely whistles (metaphorically).  He isn’t scared of his own voice, he steals shamelessly and, if he doesn’t like the cut of someone’s jib, he bites – hard. 

So, there you have it.  I’m unleashing my inner terrier.    
What kind of dog are you? Are you obedient and perfectly trained?  Maybe it’s time to chew up your lead, bite the postman and pee up the curtains.  Wanna join my badly-behaved pack?    

 

18 comments:

zenandtheartoftightropewalking said...

I think I may be a wolf of some sort; comes up as one of "my" animals.
Quite possibly a dyrewolf....though my daughter would tell me they aren't wolves at all.
But something of a lone wolf anyway.
This made me giggle a lot, in my own way.
xx

Ladybird World Mother said...

!!! Oh, I think I'm a spaniel just like you... dammit. Wish was a cat, just lying around and eating stuff when I felt like it. Or a lioness... but must be realistic... I think people can actually SEE my tail wagging, I am that keen to please. Grrr. (yes, can even growl like a dog, so that proves it) xx

Milla said...

I'm a dog on wheels. Cheap and happy in the corner.

Zoë said...

I expect I am some kind of Collie, maybe an English Bearded Collie, scruffy but very lovable *koff*

Nora said...

I'm definitely a lone gray wolf. I don't even run in packs and it's unusual for me to comment.

Solange Noir said...

I'm a cat. If I must be a dog, I'm a malamute, hard to train, noisy and escapes all fences ;)

zenandtheartoftightropewalking said...

sorry but the wv right now is paste. I love it but have nothing else to say

Preseli Mags said...

I'd like to think I could be a feisty little terrier but I'm probably more of an Irish setter - all Titian hair and slightly too much nervous enthusiasm.

Preseli Mags said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Preseli Mags said...

The deleted one is me. My comment posted twice! How rude. You really do only need to read it once.

Riverdale Farm said...

Gawd, hadn't really thought about it - probably a Lab - but I do know what kind of dog I would hate to be - a Chihuahua..... yeeuck all yip yip yip, bulging eyes and always underfoot - not mention resembling an overgrown rat.

Rob-bear said...

If I weren't a Bear, I'd be a Poodle — smart, eager, and fun to have around. I don't think I'd be a Spaniel or an ASBO JRT. But, then, we've had several Poodles as part of our family, so I'm probably biased. These are standard Poodles, 35 - 50 pounds (not the yappy, smaller sizes).

rosiescribble said...

I think I must be a spaniel with a few of Asbo's genes thrown in for good meansure. I'm more concerned about the fact you are at the gym creating a beach body. I am sitting on my backside reading blogs. This is not good.

DD's Diary said...

Love this idea, though I am too frightened to think what I would be ..... I aspire to be a sleek, happy golden retriever with a bouncing well-groomed coat but I know I'm more of a rescue cat, darn it.

nicsnotebook.com said...

Ooooh I don't know! I have 2 spaniels and I'm def not like them, I'm more like my cats - like to sleep, eat & the heat lol

Jo Beaufoix said...

I'm a bit spaniel too, though a slower heavier version. In my head I see Basset Hound. That's not good is it? :D

K.C. Woolf said...

I don't know anything about dogs, so I decided to take the What Dog Breed Are You test. Twice, for good measure.

I got Labrador Retriever the first time, Jack Russell the second.
What does that mean? That I'm a weird hybrid?

DumplingsMum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.